Sons at independent schools

[justeatsy]

If you have sons at private schools, be honest.

After finishing 6th form do you get them membership to a "private members clubs"?

I've read there are these clubs that are linked to independent schools.

No, and I haven't heard of these private school clubs either.

My sons didn't go to any of the famous schools though so maybe that's why.

Maybe at the big name public schools. Not at the local day schools that my children attend.

What clubs do you mean?

I think it's pretty automatic to become members of the alumni association. Girls and co-ed schools have these too

Did you mean something other than that though?

My dad is a member at a 'private club'. He didn't go to private school and there are very few members below the age of 65. But no idea if that's the kind of 'club' you're talking about.

Do you mean alumnae/Old Boys Association organisations? Or private members clubs which are by invitation or £££.

I mean stuff like the "East India Club"

https://www.eastindiaclub.co.uk/membership/

They have something called a J7 and it's for male applicants who studied in private school.

Omg, never heard of this, what an odious concept. And I say that as someone who went to a top independent school (albeit a few years ago.)

I believe it's quite common particularly for old established schools. The clubs offer much lower fees to U25's/30's as a way of building lifetime members I imagine.
My uni is affiliated with a club in London. I see no reason to spend £'000s on somewhere to hang out and have bad food and do business meetings but I've met plenty of men in the City who do and value them. Usually alumni of old schools.

I don't have sons, if my daughters school offered such a thing they could fund it themselves if it was of value to them.

My DH is a member at one of those Mayfair clubs. He went to a boarding school but his membership wasn’t via school, some posh mate signed him up in his mid 20s.

I hate it. He never goes, pays a huge membership fee per year for bugger all but won’t give it up as he thinks it’s some sort of exclusive privilege 🙄 it’s actually a bastion of sexism and old men.

Can you tell we’ve had a few words on the subject?

Definitely not. And they were at a well known London public school. They’d fall over laughing if I even asked the question. DS 20 is more likely to be found in the Spoons club.

Surely that would only be of use for people who live in or near London? There are private schools all over the country.

I've heard of this, DS was offered extremely favourable rates to East India Club due to its link with his school. He's quite a clubbish person so he looked into it. But he didn't like the history and ethos, so he decided against. He was tempted for a while.

My sons went to a major public school - they're not interested in this sort of thing.

my brother went to one of the leading boarding schools. he joined a members club in London during his last week of uni. fees are really reasonable - I think below 1k/year. apparently shows in the facilities - I've not been as male only

People came to talk to us about this just before we left 6th form. One club for the boys, one for the women 🙄 very few people ever signed up ( I can think of one person I knew across 4 year groups) and this was one of the old school Rugby group places. And that was 20 years ago - I can't believe they're still going!

There are lots of “clubs” in London. Tramps, Arts Club, Soho House, the list goes on and one and with the Insta generation it has become a big thing again. The ones for the old generation on Pall Mall - like the really famous one from Around the World in 80 Days, the Reform Club, are literally just scratching the surface. The Reform Club is were the Liberal Party was founded.
Youngsters are more interested in the trendy arty clubs anyway.

The East India Club is interesting and useful for people who travel a lot around the world as they have a lot of links with other clubs in Asia where you can stay for reduced rates.
Most of the old clubs are getting a lot of pressure to accept women and prove diversity. Not sure how much demand there is though for some of them, especially from the younger generation. Some certainly have amazing wine cellars.

Never heard of this but DS left a private school with a group of friends and now they are all celebrating their 50th birthdays together.

Husbands father and grandfather yes, FIL long since dropped it. However DH’s grandfather used to say “just say the word” to DH about getting him invited to join.

Dh is the least club person you could imagine and gave it a wide berth.

It wasn’t linked to private schooling but I would bet most of the members were privately educated.

I have good friends who went to major public schools and can't say I've ever heard of this.

Looking at the website you have linked J7 is not just for former public school boys but if you happen to have been to an HMC school (which is not just private schools, as it includes eg Judd in Sevenoaks) your head can propose you. Other people can apply with a different person proposing them.

I do have plenty of friends who are in private members' clubs but none joined on leaving school- they had better things to do!

Yes I also have plenty of friends and colleagues who are members at private members’ clubs in London and many of them did not go to private schools and quite a few did not even grow up in the UK. It is like a social expensive gym - it is not as exclusive as you think OP. If you know one or two members and want to pay up and have no criminal record, a professional job and can follow the rules most will be happy to have you. They just want the membership fees.

It is not a bastion of political rebellion and dodgy commercial deals, far from it. Most of them are a safe place for octogenarians to meet up with their old friends and come up to London and spend the night for £100 and have some French wine.

My DH and DS both went to a south London private school. It's not something I am aware with amongst either group (one 60, one 20s).

I've just read the link, and J7 is an age category, not limited to those who attended public schools. If a young applicant did attend an HMC school, then a head's reference is required. But if not, then they need references from existing members who propose/second the application.

Yes and no - many have rooms which members can book.

I think that with the rise in flexible working, it can be very useful for those who need to spend the odd night in London.

No, but all old boys are automatic members of “the old schoolname society” which meets in various places worldwide every quarter. And lots of ex pupils, of all ages, some of them well past their dotage, come to the end of school party every summer. It’s a big part of why we liked the school as it has a big family feel and we have very little actual family.