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Original poster

Disappointment of 11+ exams

79 replies

worriedmom1981 · 03/12/2023 08:11

Hi, this thread is just more to vent and for some moral support. My DD is in state primary, according to all her teachers and reports she is very bright, does above expectations. She has also been tutored for over 2 years or so.
We are doing 11+ exams now, and the results are coming in and it appears she does quite badly and she is not even getting to the second stage. I don't know what to think, either she is just as bright as I thought or something. But my disappointment level is so high and I am pretty much in depression now. I feel like all the money I spent on tutors and the hours I spent working with her have been completely useless and down the drain

OP posts:
ABCXYZ17 · 03/12/2023 08:14

Please do not show your child you are disappointed. Is she only worth her exam marks? So what if she hasn’t passed an exam? Maybe she was so nervous about trying to please you that she couldn’t focus. Don’t put so much pressure on your child to be ‘clever’.

Hellocatshome · 03/12/2023 08:15

Are these exams about you or her? Did she even want to do them? What school does she want to go to?

Araminta1003 · 03/12/2023 08:28

11 plus is not about being bright or overtutoring. It is about performing quickly under pressure and processing fast and accurately. It is about knowing how to play that particular game.

My DC aced them because they were used to performing under pressure in music exams over many years. We did not tutor, just tailored practice with me. Same for some of their friends who do competitive sports - they were at an advantage to perform in that 1 hour or so. I know so many people who have been fleeced by rubbish tutors, it is unregulated.

Did you put her in for enough mock tests? Because if you didn’t, that will be the reason. Exams are about practice, the brightest of children can freeze up. Many very academic children who like to work slower or freeze up under pressure won’t perform well. It doesn’t matter, later on for GCSEs and beyond they will excel.

So whatever you do, tell her she did well and she is amazing. You just need to boost her confidence. The teachers have already told you she is bright.

Rocknrollstar · 03/12/2023 08:35

Did the tutor teach her exam technique? Did she practice working to time? Focus on her strengths and the fact that she will probably be going to a secondary school with her friends. Many highly successful people failed the 11 plus years ago.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 08:37

you cannot buy eleven plus results, no matter how much time and money you spend

RampantIvy · 03/12/2023 08:37

Please support her whatever happens.

I'm very thankful that we don't have any grammar schools in our county.

WandaWonder · 03/12/2023 08:38

All kids are called bright by their teachers, and if she was actually that bright why the need for all the tutoring

Mostly are you doing this for you or her?

Ifailed · 03/12/2023 08:39

11+ is set up so the majority fail the exam, maybe your daughter is just another member of the majority?

jesterdourt · 03/12/2023 08:42

you cannot buy eleven plus results, no matter how much time and money you spend

prep school helps!

All kids are called bright by their teachers, and if she was actually that bright why the need for all the tutoring

For London a bright child will likely need tutoring these days.

jesterdourt · 03/12/2023 08:45

@worriedmom1981 you need to reframe it & the tutoring won’t have been a waste long term.

Tbh I know lots of people who tutor from yr 4 & spend hours a wk prepping but I think parents can get a little obsessed.

AlltheFs · 03/12/2023 08:45

I failed my 11+ (although to be fair I had no help or tutoring) and went on to have very successful academic achievements.

11+ assesses very specific skills, some
kids aren’t good at that type of test at that age. Others are just not very good in a test environment.

Either way you know that a selective school isn’t going to be the right place.

Original poster
worriedmom1981 · 03/12/2023 08:47

she wanted to do them

OP posts:
Tiredbehyondbelief · 03/12/2023 08:48

Both my children failed 11+. They are both in top sets at the state secondary. The older is aiming for Cambridge (his grades look promising). The other one is very bright but no firm plans yet. You haven't wasted your money. On the hand, read the Growth Mindset book (International bestseller). We must praise our children for their achievements whatever they might be. When the children start thinking the end result is what matters they lose courage to try anything slightly risky. That's not the approach to take when reaching for the stars. Always praise the effort. I hope it helps

elliejjtiny · 03/12/2023 08:49

Some children are bright but aren't good at the tests. Some children aren't bright but are good at the tests. I failed my 11 plus by 6 marks as did the 2 cleverest children in my class. They both appealed and got into the grammar and I just went to the local secondary. I don't know how they got on but I passed 3 gcse's. I would never have managed at the grammar school.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 08:50

Growth mindset is a damaging and obsolete idea - I would not recommend getting into that in 2023. Its time has long gone

Splety · 03/12/2023 08:50

AlltheFs · 03/12/2023 08:45

I failed my 11+ (although to be fair I had no help or tutoring) and went on to have very successful academic achievements.

11+ assesses very specific skills, some
kids aren’t good at that type of test at that age. Others are just not very good in a test environment.

Either way you know that a selective school isn’t going to be the right place.

Maybe not. My DD failed the 11+ and we scraped her on appeal. Loads of ppl were “hmm she will struggle and feel bad about herself” but she was determined to go there.

She is an August child and is growing into academia each year. Her state grammar has been brilliant for her. She is predicted 3 As at A level now.

whatchagonnado · 03/12/2023 08:55

What are the alternatives in terms of post primary school?
Do you really want her to end up in an academic hothouse?
Please don't be disappointed in her. It's too much pressure at a very young age and all children develop at different paces

Tiredbehyondbelief · 03/12/2023 08:55

Griwth mindset served me well. I have a learning disability which was only diagnosed in my mid 40-s. Five attempts at getting Higher Education. Eventually a first class degree in a hugely competitive course in a leading university. My mother always praised my efforts (it wasn't called a growth mindset in those days).

Flamango · 03/12/2023 08:55

DS got into a ss grammar whilst his best mate, who is equally clever, didn’t get past the first rounds (both of them sat for 2 grammars). You couldn’t get a fag paper between these two kids academically.
Who knows what happened to his best friend on both those exam days but it wasn’t about academics or being smart.

Please try and put a good spin on it for your daughter and encourage her and love her anyway. She’s got a dedicated and attentive parent which is the biggest indicator of academic success anyway. No doubt she will
shine at her new school and be the big fish!

SamPoodle123 · 03/12/2023 09:00

We have seen this happen to dc in years above at our state school. Parents get tutors and think this is enough. But there are a few things to consider. For example, that the tutor actually has experience with 11+ and knows what needs to be covered. I have read on here, some tutors not quite understanding and dc being tutored way past the curriculum and not passing the exams because they were not focusing on what will actually come up on the exams. Tutors should be focusing on covering curriculum and doing exams. The second thing is, not to rely only on one source and third assess your dc's performance to get a better understanding of where they are at. Also, when I say not to rely on one source, I mean not just rely on a tutor or Atom, but combined should be okay.

Did tutor give feedback on her performance? Did you do mocks with her and check how she was doing? Does she have any more exams left? If you have time before the next one and you have not, have her do mocks and see what is going on. Perhaps it is something you can help her with. The first time dd did a mock, she just got average (20 points below what is suggested to get into selective independent schools), but her scores jumped quickly the second and third time she did it because she started understanding exam technique.

If it is too late, then just try to focus on any positive you can about the school your dd will be going to. For example if it is the local state school, she will make local friends, you will save loads of money, which can be used for extra curriculars, holidays to enjoy together as a family etc.

It can feel incredibly frustrating. But just remember, you are not alone. This happens to many and their dc go on to be happy in their secondary schools. I always tell myself my dc will end up in the place they are meant to be.

Autumnleavesarefallingdownagain · 03/12/2023 09:00

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 08:50

Growth mindset is a damaging and obsolete idea - I would not recommend getting into that in 2023. Its time has long gone

Why? Genuine question

Leafysuburb · 03/12/2023 09:03

Is the tutor an 11+ tutor or just a general tutor? Because the 11+ is all about exam technique, which questions to do first, which to come back to later, tricks to speed up the answers etc. It's not taught on the school curriculum (which is why the entire system is so unfair to those who can't afford tutors).

Tiredbehyondbelief · 03/12/2023 09:03

Further to my earlier message... I now have a very well paid and hugely rewarding job with international opportunities. I credit it to my mum who always supported me in my interests, endeavours and never criticised me. Even when I did really badly in my A-levels (due to undiagnosed learning disability)

MinnieCauldwell · 03/12/2023 09:07

If she needed a tutor to get thru the 11+ she will struggle at the Grammar. I just scraped thru the exam as I did a lot of prep for it also . However, once I got there I fell behind pretty quickly, would have done better at the Secondary Mod as was.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 09:10

Autumnleavesarefallingdownagain · 03/12/2023 09:00

Why? Genuine question

Show quote history

"growth mindset" promotes the idea that any individual can achieve in any sphere if they go the right way about learning how to do it. This is obviously ridiculous. A blind child cannot see, for example, a child with learning difficulties cannot learn the same as another child without. These are very obvious examples, but less obvious are things like natural abilities and weaknesses in different subjects

A child with no natural ability in maths may work hard and be getting 5s or 6s, and that could represent a huge effort for them, and excellent teaching from their maths teacher. However, according to the "growth mindset" philosophy, they could get 9s if they only approached it with an open mind, and failure to do so is a failure of character, and of teaching ability.

It is deeply damaging.

I am dyspraxic and growth mindest had a devastating impact on my life for decades - I genuinely believed if \I tried hard enough I would not be dydpraxic - cue 20 years of driving lessons

The idea is so stupid, I can't beleive anyone every fell for it. It was very big in the 80s/90s etc when I was growing up, but as soon as I started teaching myself I realised what a crock of shite it was, and very soon after that it was quietly dropped by ofsted anyway

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