Disappointment of 11+ exams

[worriedmom1981]

Hi, this thread is just more to vent and for some moral support. My DD is in state primary, according to all her teachers and reports she is very bright, does above expectations. She has also been tutored for over 2 years or so.
We are doing 11+ exams now, and the results are coming in and it appears she does quite badly and she is not even getting to the second stage. I don't know what to think, either she is just as bright as I thought or something. But my disappointment level is so high and I am pretty much in depression now. I feel like all the money I spent on tutors and the hours I spent working with her have been completely useless and down the drain

@KermitTheF - QE is the hardest one in the country and there are never any guarantees. Plus kids reach their plateau pretty quickly with these kinds of things. Unfortunately many tutors are out to fleece you and do not tell you that.
Did your DS sit any other tests? If he was getting 90% for QE style tests, he would have passed most other 11 plus tests. So he is clever and hardworking and remind him of that and move on.
It really boils down to thousands of kids sitting this one test, 19 out of 20 being disappointed and one or two right questions extra here or there making all the difference.
Your DS will do well, just build him up, reward his efforts massively this weekend and move on! Kids forget quickly if you stay positive.

It’s clear that not every child can gain a place in a particular school, despite the amount of work and effort they put in. There are a finite number of places and there has to be a cut off point. It doesn’t mean a child has failed, but that others scored higher.

If obtaining a place requires such enormous input and effort, is it sustainable over the years of secondary education? Even if it is sustainable, is it worth the stress and toll on a child’s mental well being?

@KermitTheF the London grammars are incredibly competitive and the majority of dc do have years of tuition. My nephew didn't pass but got a bursary offer to two private schools
My dd just started secondary, she was GD in her SATs & has been placed in the top set at secondary. She would not have got a grammar place without a lot of work & even then who knows. The tuition will be useful for the future.

Same here. We've been doing entrance exams and haven't passed one of them, and are on the waiting list for another school.

I just feel defeated. We've done loads of practice etc and had tutoring