Private School - is it the best use of money?

[SpringPen]

We have been to look at a local independent school with a view to potentially sending our daughter there when she starts Reception in just under 2 years. We loved the school and its values and had opportunity to speak at length to the Headmistress. There was nothing we didn't like. We are lucky enough to be mortgage free and to have a decent household income - ie the fees are affordable but definitely not a drop in the ocean by any means. It is definitely a decision to be made and not an automatic way forward.

Our local state primaries are fine but not excellent and it is clear that they will not be able to provide our daughter with the same level of individual attention, support and nurture that the independent can, if only due to class size alone.

We wonder, if we are going to spend that much money on our child, whether that money would ultimately be better put aside and given later in life to support them through university or to contribute to buying a house or just to provide a solid financial start to adulthood.

I would really welcome others' thoughts.

I’m of the thought that there are only two things that you can give a child that have any real value. Love and an education.
That doesn’t mean you have to go for private of course. But you need to look at local friends, clubs vs what the extras of the private school you’re looking at offers.
In the end, they sit the same exams. But their journeys there can be completely different!

It completely depends where you live and what you can afford.
We have decided not to send our children to private school as our local schools are excellent. But we live in quite an unusual area where there are no grammar schools or private schools nearby. Surprise, surprise, this means there are excellent comprehensives.
The other thing is we're in a fairly middle class area. It shouldn't matter, but it does.
Its true that the parents of your children's friends have a large influence on your child's outcomes. It's easy to be high and mighty about sending your kid to the local comp if you live in a 'naice' area.
If we lived near a crap comp and could afford it, we'd send to a private school.
It's a personal decision. You need to work out what's right for your family.

Is any luxury item worth it? It is an impossible question to answer because the variables are so personal and will depend on your daughter’s educational needs and personality, the relative difference in your local school options and the value you place on the indie’s added value compared with what else you could spend your money on.

personally, I have two in a private school that I absolutely love, and it is 110% worth it for us. Not simply because of the resources offered, but because the educational ethos and school culture make it a uniquely wonderful learning environment for our dc. One of mine also has mild SEN, and the support she gets (alongside smaller quieter classrooms) is the difference between thriving and struggling. A different child, a different indie option, and we might not have felt it was worth it.

It is not a given that they will continue in private all the way through - we will look at state and private options for senior school - but at the moment I feel like my dc are getting a really solid foundation while absolutely loving school.

I think there's nothing better you could spend your money on than your children's education and even more so if you are mortgage free and don't have that pressure / stress

You will get biased answers depending on whether people support, or are against, private schools. You need to look at what you value and what the local schools are like. Not all state schools are bad and not all private are good but given the current crisis in state education and the many threads on here from state schools teachers I wouldn't send mine state unless they were excellent. Our next door neighbour is HoD in an outstanding state school and has chosen to send his DC private.
They may sit the same exams but for us the journey to get to GCSEs is more important than the results.
Only you can really answer the question based on your DC and the quality of local state education.

Only you know your child.

DH attended one of the best public schools in the country I went to a bog standard comp, we met working in the same University dept.

DH white middle class male, world was his oyster type.
Myself poor immigrant heritage and Chinese

Genetics, parental input and peer groups are a huge influence. Many studies show educational attainment of the Mother as the biggest single influence. Also the ethnic group you belong to is a factor, as is income, there will always be outliers obviously.

We sent DS to a state school and it was a pretty bad one results wise, our friends sent their children to the local private school, he got better A level results and both of these children have gone in to public sector jobs. DH wanted to send DS to a private school, I didn’t see the point as knew he would do well anywhere. There was some hefty debating for a while and his Mother jumped in with an offer of half the fees.

The starkest difference was I was much stricter with DS, not Asian tiger parenting levels but tougher than his white friends, my parents would give the gentle parenting proponents on MN an attack of the vapours.

DH is pro Private education and I am anti so that was the outcome of parents with very differing views. It was a risk obviously a very big one but I had studied educational outcomes when I was an undergraduate and we could tutor DS ourselves so was very confident.

We needed to make this decision

ultimately it came down to- what would I spend that cash on otherwise- a couple of nice bags a month, a new car?

for me education is priceless and will build our children’s’ character. So actually what was initially a difficult decision turned out to be an easy one and so far a good one.

We didn't spend money on private education until our children were ten. Then they went to independent schools. We tried to bolster their very good state education at that stage with extra-curricular sport and music.

They both found it fairly straightforward to segue into private education. Perhaps their music and sport wasn't as on point as some of the prep school children, but where they were interested, they caught up quickly. TBH, in any decent state or private secondary school there comes a point where it's innate intelligence and application that count for far more than where you were at five or six.

I'd keep money in the kitty for when they're at university and have to cover living costs. It's an often-forgotten-about, very costly, stage in education.

I would say one factor is your child's personality. Is she a quiet, just get on with it child or very confident, happy to share her opinion? If it's the first, she may get lost in a class of 30.

We did combinations of state and private primary and are now in private secondary. The state schools (we have lived in two cities) were not “leafy suburb” schools - one was solid middle class/but no high earners, the other was 35% free school meals/some v high earners.

In both states we got the same standard of education as (or better than) the majority of the wholly privately primary educated girls in their classes now (at a very competitive private).

The quality of learning will almost certainly be pretty similar in both state and private primaries except for particularly rubbish state or particularly pushy private. If it’s JUST about education, save your money.

However, the wraparound care at private is infinitely better and the sports and music will almost certainly be better, and done in school rather than you having to do it yourself after school/weekends. If you work long hours, as do most parents at private, you will find your life a lot easier.

If you are a SAHP or have a pretty low impact job, then again - save your money.

Private is 100% worth it for secondary, unless you are very very lucky (and rich!) and live on the doorstep of an outstanding state school, but it is honestly not worth it for primary.

In my experience it is much cheaper to pay for private than to buy a house in the catchment of some of the best state schools in the south east. It might be different in parts of the country with less overpriced housing though.

(disclaimer: I am not British and I do not come from money, but I do come from a country with great schools, and I have none of the complicated feelings about private education that some British parents have.)

Just remember any decision you make isnt forever. It might take the pressure off. Lots of children move schools at key stage changes or even part way through the year. It depends a bit just how competitive the schools you like are though. Generslly i think state eyfs and ks1 is very good though.

The biggest factor is your own childs personality. My nephew went to an independent school and its clear he has autism now, but the small nuturing environment means he got through school with no trauma. I think he would have struggled in the bigger classrooms of a state school.

We did private, state for 2 years and then back to private during covid.

If money isn’t a concern, I’d go private from reception. That being said, there is little value in doing so at that age unless you have a demanding work schedule and need decent wrap around care or perhaps your child has SEN. Play based learning for reception or Y1 will be the same, no matter where you go. All you’re really getting is better facilities, weekly swimming and or forest school. Where you really start to see the real benefits in private is from KS2 and upwards.

For us the 1-2-1 support for dyslexia has been invaluable, DD’s are sporty so playing competitive sports with other schools from Y4 has been good for them. Equally the ability for them to do the majority of their activities at school, stem is introduced much earlier as are languages, music ensembles and KS2 drama productions are all things which makes school a fun and enjoyable place to be. Unfortunately from our experience of state, these are the things that are lacking due to shorter days and a lack of funding.

What seems to happen a lot around here is state education is supplemented by a lot of private tuition and extra curricula activities in primary. Out of Dd’s Y6 cohort of 15 children only 6 went on to private, the others mostly went to grammar and a few went to comps. There’s no right way or wrong, it’s really down to finances, personal choice and the needs of your child.

I think it completely depends on the child and the family set up. Also you will never really know unless you try state school first. It’s hard as you’ve seen a private school you love so maybe you will always think she’d be better off there even if you go state school.

I believe education comes 50% from school and 50% from home. We have a good work / life balance which means we have a lots of time for our children out of school (which I know is a luxury a lot of families don’t have). Our children both go to state schools. Ones in a large state primary and the other a very large state comprehensive. They’re both getting on great. They have really nice friends and academically they’re both doing really well. For us personally I believe private school would be a waste of money. But if they were struggling in the state system it would be something we would consider.

I have relatives who wish they hadn’t spent money on private school as both their children have very normal jobs / not well paid jobs now.

Op, here’s summary of anti private school views:

1.All Etonians are thick.

2.My boss’s children were privately educated and they’d come into the office and behave in an arrogant and entitled fashion, ordering us around and insisting we bow to them and call them ‘sir’ or ‘master’.

3.When I went to a top university other students kept asking me where I went to school. What weirdos.

4.Dh and I are among the top 1% of earners but we send our children to state school because we have morals and are decent people.

4.Our dc went to an underperforming comp and now they are reading physics and maths at Oxford.

5.If our children went to private school we might meet Tory voting parents and posh people. We couldn’t have our children mixing with them.

6.Private school children are spoon fed

7.Teachers are unqualified.

8.Those who send their children private have a vested interest in state schools doing badly.

Etc etc.

What's the catchment area for the private school? A big advantage of the local state school at 4 is that your child will make local friends. Both mine started at state and then ended up in private at the later years of primary. In the early years their friends were a short walk away (we're London) so great for play dates, walking to school and chatting to friends, parents - playing in the local park after school and also handy for support if I needed someone to pick up or drop off. We felt part of the local community which I lost when we moved to the private schools as then we were all a bit spread out.

At reception children play a lot - I don't believe private is necessary unless the state provision is absolutely dire.

There’s so much emphasis on mumsnet on comparing what jobs kids from state or independent educations got. That’s not the whole point of paying for education for me.

A child’s school life takes up the majority of their waking hours from the age or 4 to 18. For me, it’s how they can experience those hours in the most enjoyable, enriching, healthy way. For me, if it’s necessary, it’s worth spending money on that.

Couldn't agree with this (plus some other PP) more.

It is often said that parents would prefer to give their child a cash lump sum rather then paying for their education. I am of the opinion that money will come and go in life but no-one can take away the self-assurance, confidence and work ethic an excellent education can provide. Private schooling is not the only way to achieve this - it very much does depend on your child, their abilities and personality.

I also disagree that it is not worth it for primary - foundations are taught in primary and it is well known that brighter children are often not stretched in the state sector, funding is inadequate for SEN provision and the individual attention does not exist in many cases. A good private with small class sizes can tailor their curriculum to all the children's abilities so they leave with a strong foundation and having experienced specialist sports, performing arts, science etc. There is also huge value in having easy access to wraparound care and enrichment - meeting crops up at last minute, just login to school website and book child on. No fastest finger first, no need to commit to the entire term or worry that it is no longer profitable and will suddenly close down.

For those saying there’s no/ minimal difference in state vs private for eyfs and ks1, that has not been my experience. We switched from state to private mid way through reception, and it was a very stark difference. I volunteered regularly at our state school, which was very well regarded within the community, so had first hand experience of the impact large classes + minimum TA staffing +lack of funding for classroom materials has on the learning environment. Other schools might cope better than this one, but I saw a lot of chaos and a lot of twinkl worksheets / colouring, and relatively little teacher input or sensory rich exploratory play. My neurotypical dd was muddling through, but it was hell for my neurodivergent (but academically capable) dd.

it was night and day when we switched to our current indie. Massive reduction in stress levels noticeable in both dd (which had manifested in behavioural problems, emotional meltdowns, and anxiety about going to school). The classroom is calmer, they get more teacher input (and have much stronger bond with teacher and ta), the games they play are more varied and stimulating due to better support and/or better classroom resources, they get far more enrichment in terms of forest school, swimming, time on the veg plot/ school farm, music, hands on STEM workshops, etc. They aren’t necessarily further along with phonics than they would have been at state, but I feel like they get so much more out of the experience, much of which isn’t immediately quantifiable.

i feel like lots of people downplay the importance of eyfs/ks1 as ‘just play’, but a thoughtfully designed and well executed eyfs curriculum actually takes a fair bit of expertise and resourcing to achieve.

Yes you make a good point about what the private schools are doing in ks1. When I moved mine for k2 it took them at least 2 terms to catch up so there was obviously more to it than just play in the private school vs the state one.

Couldn't agree more @Lovelyautumncolours early years are vital

Education is the greatest gift you can give a child. It shapes their values, self belief and who they are as a person and can never be taken away from them. Hopefully it will lead to greater earning potential as well.

We have chosen to send DD1 (4 next month) to private school from nursery and she started in September.
Our choice was between there and our local state primary and they were both very similar in most areas but the main difference was class sizes. DD's nursery has max 22 children, while the state nursery max was 40.

Both DH and I went to private school (him for full school life, me from year 6) and are lucky enough to be in a position where we can afford the fees without too much worry.
DH was pretty much always set on private education whereas I was open to state as our local state schools are really good. And so far she loves it.
I also have no hesitation in that if she came to us in the future saying she absolutely hated it, etc, I would move her.
And DD2 will also go there when she is old enough

Agree @Lovelyautumncolours - I have seen children join DC's prep from the state sector and the initial couple of terms are stressful and exhausting for the child and parents in trying to catch up. Academic preps typically work at least one year ahead - the curriculum is taught from the outset in Reception despite the children learning through play.

Unless you are transferring to a school that starts in prep/KS2/Y3, I don't see the point in intentionally putting a child in state for the first 3 years then moving sector - the money saved in the grand scheme of things is not much. To put a child through the stress of moving when friendships have been formed in addition to catching up with work they won't have covered in their state school doesn't make sense to me. Of course there are lots of cases where the move was not planned because intentions were different at the outset - I am not referring to these

My DD2 joined a very well known boarding girls prep as a day girl from y3 and didn’t need to catch up. She was in the middle as I expected. She was never going to be top set but the breadth the school offered was far greater then state. DD1 went boarding from y7 from state primary and didn’t need to catch up in anything except French. She did and came top in French by Y8.

So it’s a case of not believing state schools cannot teach. If they have good staff they can. Private schools do not have a monopoly on good staff either but they should have subject specialists from
y4 or 5. Art, sport, music and drama should be noticeably better. A poor teacher with 16/18 in a class will still be poor by the way. That’s why many private schools set.

I totally agree that you should see a lot for the fees and expect to see great destination schools too. I would say though, that if it’s primary fees or higher education living costs, and you don’t have enough funds for both, be careful. Definitely make sure you can help Dc buy a property.

Privately educated Dc do not get better jobs just down to the school. They have to compete like everyone else. So having a rounded education with more input then just exams helps. Confidence helps but state Dc have that too of course. Basically choose a school where Dc will thrive. Mine thrived in both types.

We did state because our state options were good enough and I had decided to work part time anyway (60-80 per cent) and mainly from home when that was still a novelty. However, we have loads of friends and family attending the very top and most famous private schools in England. Can’t say our DCs turned out that differently and that is because we had the time and made time for our DC. 1 to 1 attention from an educated parent trumps a class of 15-20, in my opinion.

At 18, when you hand over a fully funded Junior ISA to travel, get through uni or a future house deposit most DCs are very grateful. I am not sure they will feel the same gratitude at that age for an expensive education although they might value it later in life.

The one thing that put me off a really expensive private education is that I did not want my DCs to feel they have to choose well paid jobs or careers as a result, nor did I want them to feel an obligation to provide a similar educational experience for their own DC in turn.

However, had I chosen to go for partnership in my law firm and work flat out 14 hour days and weekends, I would have chosen private schools, especially at secondary level. Probably for my own peace of mind primarily.