Private School - is it the best use of money?

[SpringPen]

We have been to look at a local independent school with a view to potentially sending our daughter there when she starts Reception in just under 2 years. We loved the school and its values and had opportunity to speak at length to the Headmistress. There was nothing we didn't like. We are lucky enough to be mortgage free and to have a decent household income - ie the fees are affordable but definitely not a drop in the ocean by any means. It is definitely a decision to be made and not an automatic way forward.

Our local state primaries are fine but not excellent and it is clear that they will not be able to provide our daughter with the same level of individual attention, support and nurture that the independent can, if only due to class size alone.

We wonder, if we are going to spend that much money on our child, whether that money would ultimately be better put aside and given later in life to support them through university or to contribute to buying a house or just to provide a solid financial start to adulthood.

I would really welcome others' thoughts.

So... if you had asked me whilst my daughter was at primary school or even in Year 7, I would have told you "NO - it's definitely not worth it! Don't do it!" however my daughter is now in Year 9 and the change in her (academically) has been incredible. She has turned in a real super teen - very diligent at school and very confident/bubbly/sporty with loads of friends. I don't know how much of that is down to the school environment and how much of that is just down to luck, but now i think maybe going private wasn't such a waste of money after all.

There are a number of things which any family can consider when facing this dilemma. And diffferent families will place differing emphasis on each, which is why seemingly similar families make different decisions. Quite simply there is no straightforward answer that applies to all or almost all situations, however adamantly people will argue for or against private education.

Some things to consider about YOUR family and options available to YOU - ie rather than just in a theoretical level:

1. What is available locally at both primary and secondary level.

Some areas have good state primaries and poor secondary schools or vv. Some have a selective state system ir partially selective state secondary system meaning it can be worth paying for primary (to get into the state selective system) or secondary (if you might not make it into the state selective secondary) - but the key is about comparing what the state and independent provision is locally. Equally some areas have some great u dependents and others have some which are not good at all. You have to find out about the ethos and strengths and weaknesses of each school.

You need to know what actually matters to you about schools. Is it academic results (consider if you can actually compare these,esp in younger years) or is it class size or facilities or pastoral care or nurture, or extra curricular ….or what. Make sure you compare based on the things that matter to you….and work out how you will compare, because these are not all easily measurable and tangible things, but you’ll have to find ways to compare.

2.Consider the level of sacrifice of paying fees. Persoanlly I think that if fees mean you will have to live in a house which is too small, or not pay your pension contributions, or never have holidays…unless you’re in an area with shocking g state provision it’s not worth it. Someone who has paid off their mortgage already and has lots of spare cash sloshi g about is in a different position to people who have 2 adults working full time to afford the mortgage and with fees there won’t be much left over. Consider the impact on your lifestyle now and importantly after you’ve stopped paying fees too….for example, in retirement.

3.Consider how important ‘the journey’ is as well as final results. Often those who chose state point to many similar outcomes from state - equal results, designations and careers - these are all easily measurable. But perhaps the learning g experience and childhood was very different in the 2 schools. Some parents might really value the levitate school experience and others might really value a broader social mix. You have to work out which camp you’re in.

Finally, it’s worth remembering that you can do some mix and match. Lots of people use private for a phase and not all of education. Lots start in state and later move to independent. Quite what you do or do later might be determined by the individual child and what they are like and might benefit from, rather than a blanket decision. So some might consider private, but when their child starts in state and does really well, might just keep going with it. Others might find their child’s personality or abilities or SEN or anything else makes them feel private would be a better fit and move. Quite simply. With 2 year I,ds it’s difficult to know how they will turn out and the type of school that will suit them. Some might be highly academic and others much less so. Some might be very sensitive and some might have additional needs. Often waiting u til you know more about them isn’t a bad idea. Moving schools is usually a possibility towards independent.

Children from all sectors can go onto do well and have happy and successful Ives as we see in MN all the time. Schooling is a key part of life but it’s not the only determinant of success. Lots of kids in expensive schools don’t do as well as they might - family issues and all kinds of struggles can exist and all the cash in the world doesn’t make some of those go away. A loving, supportive and invovled family and if you’re especially lucky, one who understand the different phases of education and what matters and what’s just window dressing, can make a vast vast difference and more difference than the school itself if you’re not talking about the goal extremes of very best and very worst schools.

Personally I’d pay if there was a really good independent nearby and I could afford it with only limited sacrifices. Otherwise, unless my DC had particular issues which meant they needed more than usual, I didn’t think I’d bother.

PinkRoses1245 · Today 13:56

Nah, not if you want your kid to become an entitled brat with no concept of the real world. I wouldn't want my children mixing with the types who go to private school

🥅🥅 Bingo! 🥅🥅

@PinkRoses1245 wow. Such awful prejudice. You have no idea what "type" of children go to private school.

@SpringPen It shocks me that people write off thousands of children. Of course some might not be to your liking and not have the same values as you, but this equally applies in the state sector. Some schools have very few Dc you won’t be keen on due to catchment. In some areas, far more families are chaotic and have lifestyles you won’t feel are like yours. Private school parents rarely would live in such areas. Most dc are decent enough in all types of school.

Honestly it all boils down to your own interpretation of what is 'worth it'. I have 2 DC both in a decent (but not perfect) state primary and we're looking to move DS private next year for upper primary. DD will follow for secondary. This is partly due to us not being happy with our secondary offering and partly due to DS probably having dyslexia which us being unsupported at the moment at school (we have a tutor for him).

It's a huge financial decision for us - we're not mortgage free - and this will involve us making compromises on other things. But we're ok with choosing school fees over a second car or a holiday to Florida etc.

I'm friends with someone who could easily afford private for her one DD (and who would benefit given her ASD) but won't compromise on their annual Florida holiday plus two Turkey holidays. That's fine, their choice. She's very anti-private too.

To be honest if I were you I'd go for it!

Bear in mind - not all private schools are equal and also I totally agree with @WombatChocolate about considering how important "the journey" is to you vs "results". A bright child can get great results in literally any school, but "the journey" might be a lot more enjoyable at one school over another.

I must say that although I come from a very academic family, results aren't really that important to me for my own daughter (within reason of course 😅). I'm more concerned about all the mental health issues that so many kids/teens have nowadays and I'm glad that my daughter seems to be a really happy bubbly teenager, which her private secondary school seems to have facilitated.

I'm on a few local groups in my city where the vitriol towards private school children is awful. If the reverse was spouted about state school, people would be in uproar. I'm in a city where private school is common for secondary and there are plenty of children not from the wealthy backgrounds that MN assume are mandatory for these types of school. Lots of very decent children go to all schools.

It’s a difficult decision and really comes down to a very careful balancing act and that will be unique to you.

At the end of it a 9 or A star is the same whether it comes from a private school or state school. If both the private and state schools are good then it’s the journey and lifestyle of how you get there which is important.

My DDs are in state because the state schools here are excellent and the private school good but not worth the extra £20k. Lots of other parents think likewise. The shorter days suit DD1 at secondary, it’s a 10 minute walk and she has plenty of time to do her dancing outside of school. (Generally you don’t get that level of dance in a private school.) Plus her friends are local. Although she probably doesn’t get the breadth of a private school, from talking to a friend and seeing her DD who is at a very competitive, selective private school, to be frank academically there isn’t any difference. We prefer that lifestyle for our DDs rather than the longer days at private school.

However if our state options weren’t as good, then we’d look at our options. Or if DDs weren’t coping in state. Unless you are looking at the ultra competitive to get into private schools, you can generally swap between the two.

I suggest going round all your options and writing pros and cons but also what suits you and your lifestyle and the lifestyle you want for your DC. Do you want the shorter days, local friends etc.? Do you have the quality of hobbies on offer? Do your jobs facilitate the hobbies or is it easier to have everything together? What’s the standard and atmosphere like at the state schools? And be flexible what might be right at 4, may not be right at 11 or older if it’s an all-through school.

The truth of the matter is we all know entitled arseholes that the private education sector spits out. It is a risk - some of the most unhappy and vile people I've met are the result of unhappy childhoods thanks to boarding school. You need to weigh up the risk you child becomes someone like that or take your chances in a good state. I'd much rather my kids go to a good state, but we can afford to live in a catchment of a good school. I realise we're lucky.

We are in a similar dilemma.
Our closest school is a private school though. It's in our village, a 5 minute walk.
The local state primaries are a 5 minute drive.

The private school is really lovely. I preferred it to the state schools. I mean they were lovely too, but I work in state school myself and I know what challenges they face. The whole state education is a complete mess. In my own school, thankfully I work part time so can just about keep my head above water but my full time colleagues are completely on their knees, and have been since the second week of September. Behavioural issues and lack of support/funding is to blame.

It really is an individual choice, because it depends on so many factors and circumstances which are very individual. You can't really generalise and say 'def go private' because it really does depend.

I do think though that you have to think about the educational experience, not just the outcome. I personally am not that fussed if the private school doesn't churn out massively better results compared to state. For me it's feeling happy and comfortable that she's being given a wide breadth of subjects, attention and a nurturing, caring environment without stressed teachers and constant behavioural problems. At the moment, I feel like she'd get that at our local private compared to state.

(Plus she can ride her bike to school, rather than having to battle with school parking!)

The OP is not talking about boarding schools (which I agree are terrible) but private day schools.

Are the prisons full of vile people educated at private school? No. I think not. We really do expect different outcomes from Dc in private schools and look to see what backs up our own prejudices. In most walks of life, you don’t know where an adult was educated. Of course a few are not the nicest people but who is judging them? Most dc in schools are lively. The minority in private schools are equally great Dc.

A good Private school should give way more than academics. Opportunities for all sorts of things should be available. Otherwise what’s the point of paying? Longer days usually mean clubs and activities at lunchtime. More relaxing time and a chance to get out of the classroom. Food is often great and a communal spirit is fostered. Plenty of Dc board very successfully. Modern boarding for most has completely changed as parents can visit a lot. They are very much part of the school community too.

Utter bollocks. The reverse argument to that is that by sending to state school you are risking your child becoming a vaping chav delinquent!
There are good and bad at both state and private because you know rich parents often choose to send kids state and some private kids are on full bursaries.
It all comes down to how good the state schools around you are but even good state schools are strapped for cash, have recruitment and retention issues and dealing with issues of disruptive behaviour and absenteeism.
Education to me isn't about outcomes, it is about the journey and with the quality of our local state schools we felt DD would have a more enjoyable journey at private.

Is sending in Year 4 an option? Would save a lot. I think y5&6 it goes up a level so y4 gives them a year to settle.
if I could afford I’d send my kids.

Are the prisons full of vile people educated at private school?

You can’t be serious with that comment, surely?!

@SpaceRaiders If a poster thinks the worst people are spewed out by private schools, I’m countering that ludicrous suggestion by being equally outrageous. However at least what I said is probably true!

@TizerorFizz I think your comment is rather ignorant. Prisons aren’t full of privately educated because with wealth comes privilege and access to legal services ordinarily working class could never afford.

@SpaceRaiders Thats also ridiculous! So a richer murderer gets off do they? What about GBH? What about gun and knife crime? The truth is the privately educated aren’t filling up our prisons. So at least they are not criminally vile!

@TizerorFizz Clearly you’ve never heard of the term white collar crime. It’s a shame prisons are full, because the privately educated political elite who’ve run this country into the ground deserve a very long stay at HMPS. But we all know that will never happen.

Annual school fees would be similar to annual university tuition and accommodation fees.

It shouldn't be private school OR money for university. Surely you'd just continue paying for the extra four years of education?

FWIW, I would send my child to private school in a heartbeat. I am training to be an accountant so that I can afford to send him in five years' time.

The problem with the "save your money and spend it on extra-curricular music/ drama/tutoring" approach is that it's fragmented, and

1. requires a parent (or nanny etc) to do the ferrying around
2. often gives a child more reason to drop out/say "I don't want to do this" e.g. coming home from school and going out again is harder than just a slightly longer day at school with your friends

When ours switched from state to private I REALLY appreciated not having to sit around during swimming/music/drama lessons, or killing time in some nearby town while they did music exams.

I think it's worth looking at the state and private schools as both just "schools" and see which is objectively more suitable for your child.

Consider opportunity cost - what would you do with the fees if you didn't spend them on the school?

Considered whether the child will fit in socially in either school. Are the children and parents similar? You can tell this by standing at the school gate at pick-up time.

Ask parents from the school what the pros and cons are of each school. Some private schools have big problems, and some state schools are great.

e.g. I went to a private primary where I was given no reading books for a whole year in infant school and had to be sorted out by a state school after my parents moved me. Likewise a kid might struggle in a large comprehensive and settle after moving to a small nurturing private school.

I think there is no generic answer.