School Absence

[Vixentor]

Need advice please.
Personally, it is extremely hard to even talk about our issue, but here goes....
Our daughter has experienced an awful lot in a few years, including losing both her Godparents, her Daddy's struggle with PTSD and anxiety, being subjected to repugnant racism, anti-social behaviour, and intimidation, at her school, and ESPECIALLY, nearly losing her Mummy to Covid-19 pneumonia.
She is still trying to process this tsunami of events, and we are engaged in obtaining mental health support for her.
At the time when her Mummy contracted Covid-19 pneumonia, (whilst working as a nurse), the whole family got Covid-19, but her Mummy spent 10 days fighting for her life, and a further 18 months recovering from significant 'long Covid'.
Our daughter, even thought at the time, and the thought remains with her, that she might have been made an orphan!
These events have not only affected our daughter's mental health, but also her physical health, and her immune system.

Our daughter's spirits were lifted recently, when she found out that our cousins from the USA, were coming to the UK in early September, in what is likely to be, (due to our cousins advanced years, - late 70's), a "one off" visit.
Our daughter last saw her cousins, in 2012, and she is particularly close to one of those cousins.

We did not determine the dates of this visit, it was arranged by our cousins, but all our family members agree that this visit is going to be a huge lift to our daughter's fragile mental health.

We put in an 'Authorised Absence' request to our daughter's school, (3 days), citing extensive and compelling "Exceptional Circumstances' for the request, including all the issues that I have stated in this message.
We were absolutely astounded when the school turned down our request, saying that the absence was unauthorised, because the request was not "in line with policy, this, (request), is not deemed to be exceptional”??!!

This request refusal has only served to exacerbate our daughter's fragile mental health, and caused massive distress, (and anger), in our family!
We believe the refusal response from the school is totally devoid of compassion, and understanding.

I have taken advice thus far, to write to the school governors, but the summer school holidays have meant that I have only received an acknowledgement that my complaint has been forwarded to the school governors and Head Teacher.

After a lengthy wait, our daughter now has an appointment to see our GP, to progress mental/medical assistance for our daughter.

I want to know what the GP can do to assist us in this exceptional absence request, as it will be crucial on our daughter's road to therapy/treatment/recovery?

Info
Number of unauthorised absences in the last 6 months = zero.
Attendance = 88.6%

Attendance figures and achievement levels prioritise everything now. The wellbeing of your child is their least priority.

Thewrongdress

Bless you.
It has been VERY tough, and even though some have said that my wife and I have been dramatic with this issue, we don't think we have been at all, because she's our daughter, and has endured a lot, including at school.

We have contemplated moving our daughter to another school, or even home schooling.

Speaking as a secondary teacher, I'd just keep her off too. Whilst it sounds horrendous, very many kids have been through similar situations to yours - she is definitely not alone.

As others have said - whilst it's awful for your family, schools see these type of issues all the time and cannot authorise. It's from the government down. So it's a choice for your family to make

I wouldn't send any more emails or make any more issues about it. Just get on, and do what's right for your family

Tbh considering you say your daughter has recieved racist and intimidating behaviour at her school you might be better trying to find a better school for her for that, never mind whether they will authorise 3 days holiday or not

Personally for this specific this I would just take unauthorised leave although bearing in mind what others have said about 1 or 2 days being easier to catch up on

Somaliwildass

Think your comments are harsh.
We are well aware that ALL families have hardships, and we feel for them.
We DO manage to fulfil basic commitments like work and school, and it was my wife's work that nearly caused her demise!
This is a "one off", never to be repeated family visit, and is much needed for our daughter.

The thing is, you didn't need to put in a request,let your daughter know etc. Just inform the school she'll be off for three days. Worst case scenario, you might get fined(very unlikely) , and I guess it depends whether you could afford it or not.

She'll have very low attendance for a while, as it starts fresh in September, and this meet up is then, but she should be able to raise it up by spring term, especially if she's in a better place mentally/emotionally.

If shes experiencing repugnant racism and intimidation I would be moving schools. Disgusting.

You have rather overshared with your dd. You raised her expectations then disappointed her, which has made her more anxious. Does she need to spend all day everyday with the relatives, can she not go to school and see them later or over a weekend? You won't get it authorised so you risk a fine and unauthorised absence.

So dramatic. Just take her out if you want to, they can’t authorise it but won’t do anything about it. You really need to moderate your communication style if you talk to your daughter in any way similar to how you’ve written your posts. Kids take the lead from us & our emotional responses to events, help her to learn how to be resilient, positive etc by modelling those things. Understanding that you don’t have to agree with every decision made by others but there usually/often are reasons for those decisions is a good start.

LIZS

Harsh
As I've mentioned before, this is a "one off" never to be repeated visit, so yes, she needs to enjoy every minute!

Just take her out for the 3 days.

The other issues with the school can be dealt with if you see fit, ask for support from the SENCO with any anxiety your daughter faces that transfers to the school environment, raise a complaint about the bullying and racism.

The issues are separate though and an attendance policy is just that. They won't authorise it so just take her out.

To be fair you haven’t helped the situation by sharing about the holiday request and it being turned down with her. She really didn’t need to know any of that.

the other issues with school obviously need tackling but don’t let them let you turn a mountain into a molehill With this issue

You do need to address the racism etc - clearly, factually & dispassionately. Take this all the way through the complaints process if the response is not good enough.

It might be different for each LA but ours is 10 sessions for a fine so 5 school days missing a morning and afternoon registration. Your DD would be missing 6 sessions. So although it wouldn’t be authorised, it probably won’t be fine either.

Her attendance is low. You know that so it’s up to you to decide if you still want to take her out. The school don’t have the freedom to authority absence in this kind of circumstances. It’s your job as a parent to protect her mental health if it’s fragile, you shouldn’t have told her about putting in the absence request form.

It's irrelevant if it's not authorised fines start at 10 missed sessions you want 6 so just keep her off. Problem solved.

If you think the school isn’t dealing with racism well then I would consider changing schools.

princessconsuelobananahammock

Seriously?!
We have done all you have said, and more.
I suffer from PTSD, so have been more than qualified in not only observing, but also supporting our daughter.

Came to this chat, to just seek advice, nothing more, nothing less.

Well indeed. I’d focus on that rather than whether or not the absence will be authorised. Save writing to the head and the governors for racism and bullying surely?

It really doesn’t matter if they authorise it or not. What’s going to happen? A £65.00 fine? So what? You’ve let them know, now stop worrying about it. I am a single parent and due to family illness/cancellations due to fires in Greece & now air traffic control issues, we’ve had three holidays cancelled this year. It’s been miserable! So I have rebooked last two weeks of September and couldn’t care less what anyone thinks about that. Obvs it’s an awkward convo I don’t particularly relish having with school/college but it is what it is. They’ll tell me off a little and make dire predictions about attendance and we will go anyway. I’ve always taken my children out for holidays and dd still managed to pass 9 GCSES this summer 🤷🏼‍♀️

Somaliwildass

You are well out of order, especially with your last comment!!!
Who the hell do you think you are?!!!!
None of your damn business!!!

Anyone can be brave and inappropriate behind a keyboard!!!

Speaking as someone with ptsd though that experience doesn’t always make us best suited to support others, infact it can often inadvertently have the opposite effect whereby you end up fueling each others issues.

im not saying that to suggest you are doing anything wrong. But supporting others when you already have your own struggles is very difficult all around. I know in hindsight my problems have had a negative impact on DS at points. It’s unavoidable.

Sirzy
I understand what you're saying, and I am sorry that you have, or have experienced, PTSD.
My wife and I have been tackling these issues together, and between the two of us, we hope we have done the right things.

I wish you well

BethDuttonsTwin

Bless you, and thank you.
So sorry for the isues you have experienced.
Hope you have a great, rescheduled holiday, and I wish you well.