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Original poster

School Absence

81 replies

Vixentor · 31/08/2023 16:31

Need advice please.
Personally, it is extremely hard to even talk about our issue, but here goes....
Our daughter has experienced an awful lot in a few years, including losing both her Godparents, her Daddy's struggle with PTSD and anxiety, being subjected to repugnant racism, anti-social behaviour, and intimidation, at her school, and ESPECIALLY, nearly losing her Mummy to Covid-19 pneumonia.
She is still trying to process this tsunami of events, and we are engaged in obtaining mental health support for her.
At the time when her Mummy contracted Covid-19 pneumonia, (whilst working as a nurse), the whole family got Covid-19, but her Mummy spent 10 days fighting for her life, and a further 18 months recovering from significant 'long Covid'.
Our daughter, even thought at the time, and the thought remains with her, that she might have been made an orphan!
These events have not only affected our daughter's mental health, but also her physical health, and her immune system.

Our daughter's spirits were lifted recently, when she found out that our cousins from the USA, were coming to the UK in early September, in what is likely to be, (due to our cousins advanced years, - late 70's), a "one off" visit.
Our daughter last saw her cousins, in 2012, and she is particularly close to one of those cousins.

We did not determine the dates of this visit, it was arranged by our cousins, but all our family members agree that this visit is going to be a huge lift to our daughter's fragile mental health.

We put in an 'Authorised Absence' request to our daughter's school, (3 days), citing extensive and compelling "Exceptional Circumstances' for the request, including all the issues that I have stated in this message.
We were absolutely astounded when the school turned down our request, saying that the absence was unauthorised, because the request was not "in line with policy, this, (request), is not deemed to be exceptional”??!!

This request refusal has only served to exacerbate our daughter's fragile mental health, and caused massive distress, (and anger), in our family!
We believe the refusal response from the school is totally devoid of compassion, and understanding.

I have taken advice thus far, to write to the school governors, but the summer school holidays have meant that I have only received an acknowledgement that my complaint has been forwarded to the school governors and Head Teacher.

After a lengthy wait, our daughter now has an appointment to see our GP, to progress mental/medical assistance for our daughter.

I want to know what the GP can do to assist us in this exceptional absence request, as it will be crucial on our daughter's road to therapy/treatment/recovery?

Info
Number of unauthorised absences in the last 6 months = zero.
Attendance = 88.6%

OP posts:
Foxesandsquirrels · 31/08/2023 16:32

How old is this child?

Original poster
Vixentor · 31/08/2023 16:33

12 years old

OP posts:
Sirzy · 31/08/2023 16:36

You can still take her out for a few days it will just be unauthorised.

there doesn’t need to be any dramatics about it just email and say she will be off. Even with the family history that’s not compelling circumstances and I’m guessing without it you wokld have still wanted to see them!

to be honest with such a low attendance fighting unreasonably against school could well put the spotlight firmly on the poor attendance.

MoreEqualPig · 31/08/2023 16:37

88.6% attendance is very low, and that's probably a large part of the reason the school said no. When we had an exceptional absence request granted, the fact my son's attendance was high was stated as one of the reasons they agreed.
If you truly feel these 3 days are that important to your daughter then just have them unauthorized.

Easystuff · 31/08/2023 16:37

So you are wanting them to authorise 3 days off school?

Potterbore · 31/08/2023 16:38

Why don’t you just take her out of school for those 3 days?
I don’t believe it will hit the trigger for a fine if it is just for 3 days (6 sessions) and it just means those 3 days will be marked with a G (unauthorised holiday) or an O (unauthorised absence).

it is rare for an absence to be authorised nowadays as the Government is cracking down hard on Headteachers to not authorise absences.

PetitPorpoise · 31/08/2023 16:40

In most cases, it doesn't really mean anything that the absence is authorised; they can't hold her hostage. It'll just be a code on her attendance record, that nobody outside school is ever likely to see unless your child becomes the subject of increased child protection procedures. Many schools don't enforce fines. At 86%, she's not winning any attendance related prizes anyway so that isn't a factor to consider.

In the nicest way, is her reaction to their response affected by your obvious anger? How did she discover that the request was unauthorised.

Strictly1 · 31/08/2023 16:41

I understand things have been very hard but your response is dramatic. Take her out and you will get a different code for the absence - that’s it. HT are being challenged for authorising any absence now.
It doesn’t need a formal complaint or any more headspace.

TiptopTommy · 31/08/2023 16:43

It won’t be authorised, that doesn’t mean that you can’t take her out. Don’t bother the GP with it, they have no influence over school absences and have plenty enough to do without this nonsense.

PuttingDownRoots · 31/08/2023 16:43

Authorised is things like funerals.
The school might agree its beneficial and be unable to authorise it.

The worst that will happen is a fine.

(To the PP who asked how the child might know... my daughters form was handed back to her in person by the headteacher last year.)

Easystuff · 31/08/2023 16:46

I agree with others just take her out for them few days. Nothing will happen. Your over thinking things and making it an issue.

TeenDivided · 31/08/2023 16:47

Agree with the others. It may not be authorised but you just take her out anyway.
No need to fuss or write to governors or anything.

dioramadrama · 31/08/2023 16:52

Is the attendance figure from last year? As surely no school will have been back long enough to have that attendance level from this term?

Foxesandsquirrels · 31/08/2023 16:52

You're absolutely overreacting. It's always going to be unauthorized in this instance. You take her out anyway and that's that.
You've massively overreacted and if your daughters mental health is this fragile, you really need to not tell her about situations like this. This is an adult problem that she will find overwhelming and should know nothing about.

lanthanum · 31/08/2023 16:54

It's unlikely that they will take any legal action for three days. It will however, mean that you'll be into the "low attendance" bracket very quickly this year, and getting letters about that.

If the relatives are staying with/near you should also consider taking her out for just one or two days. Missing one day is not so bad in terms of catching up on return, but three means she could have missed two or even three lessons in some subjects, and it will be much harder to catch up. She'd still see them after school on a day when she goes to school, and it's possible that jet-lagged elderly relatives might not be getting up until late morning anyway. Obviously if you're having to travel to a different part of the UK to see them, it's a bit different.

dioramadrama · 31/08/2023 16:55

In my experience the GP probably won't be able to do much to help - I know someone whose child attempted suicide on the Friday and the school still expected them in on the Monday.

If you genuinely think this would be good for your child then just keep her off. I've never once asked permission from a school for absences - they are my children, not the schools, and I feel I know what's best for them.

BoohooWoohoo · 31/08/2023 16:58

The school can't authorise the time off but I would keep her off anyway.
Head teachers were last allowed to say yes to requests like this 10+ years ago. There's no point trying to get things authorised and fighting the decision.

dioramadrama · 31/08/2023 16:58

I would also consider if losing three days of school will add to her mental health issues in any way with the catching up she'll have to do when she goes back.

Original poster
Vixentor · 31/08/2023 16:59

Thank you to all who have responded.
Just want to answer, elaborate a few things.

PP.
My wife and I kept the schools refusal low key, and did not relay our frustration and anger to our daughter, because that's the last thing she needs.
We obviously had to tell her the school had refused the request, but that's it.

As for the 88.6% attendance, which has been said, is low.
The school have not dealt with the racism, ASB, intimidation etc, in a robust way, and because of this, our daughter's health has been impacted upon, on top of the family trauma's that have occured, and she has had absences on top of the normal tummy bugs etc.

OP posts:
BangingOn · 31/08/2023 17:05

As others have said, you are making way too big a deal of this. Schools don’t have much leeway in what they can or can’t authorise, but if you think taking her out of school for a few days in the right thing then do it. No hand wringing or dramatics required. I am worried that ‘massive distress and anger’ is not going to be helpful for your daughter’s mental health.

Original poster
Vixentor · 31/08/2023 17:06

Dioramadrama

In spite of all the trauma that our daughter has gone through, she has, to her credit, maintained good results, and we will support her in catching up on the 3 days away.
The benefits of her time off, will totally outweigh this, and will provide a springboard to better mental/physical health.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 31/08/2023 17:08

That attendance is very low.
School won’t authorise this.
You didn’t have to tell her. You could just have taken her out anyway.

dioramadrama · 31/08/2023 17:09

Vixentor · 31/08/2023 17:06

Dioramadrama

In spite of all the trauma that our daughter has gone through, she has, to her credit, maintained good results, and we will support her in catching up on the 3 days away.
The benefits of her time off, will totally outweigh this, and will provide a springboard to better mental/physical health.

That's great that she's managed to keep up with the work.

If you strongly feel it will benefit her then just take her out of school.

Whether or not it says authorised or unauthorised on the register will really make no difference. It will still affect the overall attendance level.

Thewrongdress · 31/08/2023 17:11

I am sorry for everything you and your daughter have gone through. Tbh I would have just kept her off and informed the school she was unwell. It is just easier.
If the school is as awful as it sounds, can you take her out? Is there another school ypu could apply to?

Somaliwildass · 31/08/2023 17:19

Well it's not in line with their policy, so they have to tell you they won't authorise it, but they won't actually stop you.

I wouldn't be too astounded though. Most families have lots going on and have experienced difficulty and would love to enjoy some quality time together, but also manage to fulfil basic commitments like work and school.