Yr6 twins school 4 night residential trip

[Keyfob23]

Hi,
I have twins who are about to go on a 4 night residential PGL trip.
Historically right from reception they have always been in separate classes. This wasn’t working and caused much distress and upset. twin 1 was in a class with all ‘their’ friends while the other quieter twin 2 was in a more boisterous class. Twin 1 always upset and worrying about T2 and T2 always feeling lonely upset at being separate. They are now in YR 6 and thriving in a class together. Both have independent friendships and some of the same friendships.
PGL is approaching, a 4 night stay away from us. They are both happy to be in separate groups for activities during the day but at night want to be together. School allow the choice of picking x1 friend to go with, stating they should pick eachother.
I feel that it isn’t the right time to separate them from us and eachother, I want them to settle well, and have confidence in knowing eachother are ok. The anxiety and worry they have previously had at being apart and worrying about eachother is very stressful for them and us.
I feel it’s unfair for them to have to pick eachother and not be allowed to pick a friend each to be with on this trip as this is an emotional and an anxiety issue rather than a behavioural/friendship issue. Am I being unreasonable in feeling this way? Other children get to pick a friend and don’t have the stress or anxiety that their sibling might be feeling lonely or upset.
Thank You for reading

When you say pick 1 friend, is that for night times or day? To be honest if they are happier together, then it shouldn't be an issue to just pick each other to ensure they are not separated. They will mix with their friends later won't they?

Thank you, pick 1 friend is to be with a friend overnight in dorms of aprox 8. They are put into groups during the day.

Have you asked them? Explained that if they want to be together they have to choose each other rather than a friend? See how they are feeling?

Am not understanding sorry. Are you saying all children have been asked to choose one friend to share a room with, and it's been suggested they choose each other. What's the concern? If they do that they'll be in a room together which is what you and they seem to want. Have I missed something?

As an aside have they never slept away from home before? No sleepovers with friend or grandparent?

As a second aside, you mentioned stress to them and us. Forget the stress to you. That shouldn't even be mentioned - you're a parent, stress is what you signed up for!

I think if everyone get's to pick one friend and they want to pick each other you cannot really expect for them each to be able to choose each other and another friend

I don’t understand the problem. You say your daughters would be more comfortable together, they’re allowed to pick a friend and school have suggested they pick each other. Surely that’s what you want? Or are you saying they should be allowed to pick each other and another friend each? Because obviously that would be massively unfair on every other child going who is only allowed to pick one person to buddy with in dorms.

If they want to share with each other, then that's their choice made. There is no reason they should get an additional choice beyond that.

I think you're misunderstanding the purpose of being allowed to pick a friend. In my understanding, this is so the child has at least one person to share a room with that they know well, and feel comfortable with. This emotional support is exactly why your twins want to be with each other. You are being unreasonable in expecting your children to be allowed one more choice than everyone else.

I'm also... not clear what the problem is. They pick each other, job done.

There will be lots of children who are anxious about being away from home (who won't have a comfort of being on a trip with their sibling) who will only get to choose one person to room with. I know everyone thinks their child deserves special treatment, but I'm afraid they don't.

They need to pick each other. Anything else would be special treatment and unfair

It's highly likely that they will still have done if their friends in their 8 bed dorm

Their closest friends could make sure they each put one twin down if they really wanted to - but that would be up to them

Sorry - have to agree with the others. Gently, yabu. Also it's not as if it'll just be the two of them in a room on their own, there will be 6 other girls in that dorm who will very likely be their friends anyway.

My dd was quite anxious about her room arrangements before her residential, but actually they literally only slept in the rooms really anyway and then had a different group in the daytime. They'll have great time!

If I was looking at this as a parent of another child in your twins’ class I’d be thinking how lucky your DC are to have each other on the trip so they aren’t without any family at all. The rest of the class are reliant on their friends for the emotional support your twins will give to each other, if that’s what they want. In this case their friend also happens to be their sibling.

equally, if your DC didn’t get on and would prefer to be apart you’d be annoyed if the school decided to put them together just because they’re twins even if they’d prefer to buddy up with a friend.

you can’t have it both ways. If they want to use their sibling for their friend choice then that’s down to them.

I feel it’s unfair for them to have to pick eachother and not be allowed to pick a friend each to be with on this trip as this is an emotional and an anxiety issue rather than a behavioural/friendship issue

That's the same for everyone. They are all picking someone for emotional reasons. And it's not like they won't know the other six children in the room.

There will be a good number of children who are feeling worried about being away from,home and their families. Yours are at an advantage really.

Lots of the children will be anxious and they don’t have the option of having their sibling with them.

I can’t see why you think special treatment is justified here?

So you essentially want them to have two choices, when everyone else gets one.

You know that’s unreasonable. It’s unfair. You shouldn’t be encouraging them to expect special treatment.

But then that's like picking 2 friends, your sister and another friend. It's likely everybody else just has a friend, not their sister as well. They should just choose each other, no need to make a fuss.

Is it a typo in your OP? Do you mean that school have stated that they shouldn't pick each other?

Simple. They get into a group of 4 and each of the four picks one of the others.

A picks B
B picks C
C picks D
D picks A

Job done.

Yabu, there’s aa high likelihood they’ll end up in a room with other friends anyway (teachers are not idiots)

OP says they have to choose each other when kids make their choice

Logic to the rescue!

I would imagine that the pairs have to choose eachother, if not that chain could go on for ever and ever.

You think that it's unfair that they have to pick eachother. But they don't. They are just been encouraged to if they want to share. Same as every other child in the class.
Most of them will be anxious. Your's are probably in a stronger position because they have a sibling with them.
YABU to expect special treatment.

the 'pick a friend' is just to allocate the beds. if your twins want to sleep in a room together, the only way to guarantee that is to pick each other.

just the same as if 2 kids who were 'best best friends' wanted to share a room - they both pick each other and no one else.

i don't think your kids should get special treatment just for being twins.

Ah! I missed that bit.

Seems to be creating more problems than it would solve though. Really tough in you're in a group of three close friends or not very popular. My kids school did it anonymously and each child wrote down two names with the guarantee that they would be with one of them.