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Original poster

Parents of August borns! Any regrets about not deferring?

122 replies

PuffinsRocks · 10/04/2023 15:08

Did you regret sending your August baby to school two minutes after they turned 4? We haven't deferred as we can't afford the extra year of childcare and I'm worrying about September already!

OP posts:
Fireyflies · 10/04/2023 16:16

No regrets here for DD. She was emotionally immature at first and tended to play with the boys as there were less sophisticated in their play than the girls. The age gap becomes less of an issue as they get older though.

I wouldn't worry about writing skills - school will expect to be teaching those and most can't write at the start of reception. Your child does absolutely need to be out of nappies by day though - unless real SN. So I'd work on that now.

StillWantingADog · 10/04/2023 16:17

I did stress about this at the time, he was so tiny starting school.

I think socially he has been a bit behind but academically not at all and socially I have no concerns now.

He’s year 5 now and finds some subjects very easy (working at year 6 level) and others he’s suitably challenged. We brought his birthday up in the last parents evening and his teacher said words to the effect of despite him nearly being in year 4, I’m pleased he is in year 5 as he needs to be challenged and will get bored if not.

diflasu · 10/04/2023 16:21

Wasn't an option for DD1 at the time and she was our eldest child.

Sometimes I'd wished it was - as she struggled sometime with social side sometime with academics - which TBH she may well have done even after a delay. When things were going well for her - you think well that made no difference.

She now 17 - she did good in GCSE - not as brilliantly as once hoped but that's down to covid and school. If she did need to re-take a year at A-level - hopefully unlikely now her offer been dropped after interview - would be fine with us.

All our DC are young in the year but she literally just before cut off date but while they have at times struggled they haven't been noticeable younger often being most sensible and post primary in top sets and predicted to do well. They were never likely to be sporty given parents and DGP - but if they had been may have adversely affected them.

It's very hard to gauge what if any affect it would have on an individual child - it's more a visible effect on an entire cohort.

My older two were late toilet training - though I suspect some ND in that - they both has a few accidents in reception and even odd one in Y1 - they were dealt with and that school was good with instilling a supportive positive attitude in pupils ( subsequent schools much less so).

Hidingawaytoday · 10/04/2023 16:26

Thanks for posting this OP - my DD is August born (will be 2 this year), and it's been on my mind a lot so it's good to hear some reassuring responses.

diflasu · 10/04/2023 16:29

I did find it was annoying in primary schools that them being young in year was often cited as a reason not to put additional support for them - despite strong family history of SEN in family and them showing signs.

We did a lot of support at home and some was put in at school but in later years in primary - but the constant they'll catch up which they did with support but if we'd listen I think they'd have fallen further behind.

It was noticeable with DD2 also young in year but who we suspect has fewer to no issues - didn't get left behind at any point unlike older siblings.

So I if you do encounter problems I'd suggest you get help put in early and not delay.

drpet49 · 10/04/2023 16:30

I know 2 families who regret not deferring.

FluffyHamster · 10/04/2023 16:30

Yes, I wish we had been able to defer for DS2 who started school at age 4 and 3 weeks.
Despite having been at nursery and having an older brother, he was emotionally immature and not ready for it all. He used to fall asleep on the cushions in the book corner and his teacher would ask me to come into the classroom to wake him up at home time!
I sometimes feel that because he wasn't ready/ mature enough he 'missed' some of the essential blocks of learning in things like phonics and maths.
We needed a lot of repetition.
Struggled with things like football as his strength and co-ordination weren't as developed as boys up to almost a year older than him (of which there were a lot in his class, unfortunately). Friendships were difficult as a result.

We eventually moved him into the private sector for smaller class sizes and more 1to1 attention and he did OK in the end, but I often think he would have been a happier, more confident child if he'd had the extra year at nursery/home.

Deferring wasn't allowed in those days. Is it now?

Dingus · 10/04/2023 16:31

We didn't have a choice as the law hadn't changed at that point, and our council said No to our request to defer DS starting school.

I think DS might be getting on a bit better now if we'd been able to defer. He's clever, but he struggles a bit socially and with confidence etc. It's difficult to say for sure though, I suppose all children are different.

RhubarbFairy · 10/04/2023 16:32

I'm a very late August birthday. I went straight after my 4th birthday. I was absolutely fine.

In secondary school, a girl on my table in my form was almost a clear year older than me (2nd September). She was frustrated at being at school until she was almost 17. I was pleased to leave at 15. The only downside is that I couldn't get a summer job the year I left school as everyone wanted me to be 16, and I only turned 16 right as I was about to start college. I did mean that I had a free and easy summer, my final one of not working.

FluffyHamster · 10/04/2023 16:33

It took until year 2 for her to really catch up. A lot of that is down to her only getting a term in reception though, as at that time summer born kids started after Easter.

Yes, ditto for DS2! What a stupid rule that was! All the other kids knew each other, made friends, had learnt phonics and numeracy etc and then in Year 1 they're shoved together in a class and all the summer borns feel completely out of their depth!

diflasu · 10/04/2023 16:36

DD1 struggled with getting summer jobs due to late birthday and actually at 15many voluntary opportunities wouldn't take her - and we couldn't apply for bus ticket concession till after her birthday which was peak time due to everyone starting college and also heavily delayed due to covid - should have taken at most 10 days took over a month and then we went straight into a bus strike.

I sometimes feel that because he wasn't ready/ mature enough he 'missed' some of the essential blocks of learning in things like phonics and maths.
We needed a lot of repetition.

It's very hard to know if our would have always needed that or if is was a product of starting on very young end of school year.

Briallen · 10/04/2023 16:37

Mines 11 this august and off to high school. Most of his mates are already 11 but you can’t see the difference- mine is where he’s meant to be academically, physically and socially for his age. Deferring wasn’t an option. I prob would have considered it if it was but he actually wouldn’t have needed it and it would have been detrimental in terms of football as he wouldn’t have been able to play with his school friends because you have to play in your chronological academic year. So I’m glad it wasn’t an option. Other child is a sept baby and while I could see the advantage early on in school, it’s not as obvious now she’s older

diflasu · 10/04/2023 16:38

It took until year 2 for her to really catch up. A lot of that is down to her only getting a term in reception though, as at that time summer born kids started after Easter.

Mine all started in September so didn't have that delay but it was Y3 when they caught up really - and then need target support in some areas longer but it's hard to gauge how much was age and how much poorer genetics from me.

moofolk · 10/04/2023 16:40

Not august but all three of my kids are summer babies and I now wish I'd not sent them to school at the 'normal' time. They were just so little and I think it's had a knock on impact year on year.

RandomMess · 10/04/2023 16:42

@PuffinsRocks emotionally maturity on their teens mostly.

They have minded being the last of their peer group to be 16, 17, 18.

Academically one was very much in the top 20% of her class/year but she would have found it easier to have been a year older that's for sure.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 10/04/2023 16:42

No regrets. August born dd is in year 4 now and does extension classes and additional advanced work with a handful of other kids. She’d have been bored out of her mind in the year below. She’s physically small but seems largely unphased by being smaller than the rest.

In the months before she started we focused on getting the basics down- toileting, wiping, washing hands. Getting clothes on and off (for pe). Pencil grip, counting and some basic phonics. She was more than ready.

gogohmm · 10/04/2023 16:44

I'm August born as is dp, didn't do us any harm and in fact I would have been angry with my parents for keeping me back

Original poster
PuffinsRocks · 10/04/2023 16:47

Thanks everyone, really reassuring responses. He's the 95th percentile for height/weight so already bigger than some four-year-olds!
All things being fair and equal we don't see any major reason not to send him in September but I did worry that we might regret it later on.

OP posts:
diflasu · 10/04/2023 16:47

We ended up in Wales - not on our radar when we had them or when they first started school.

Here the do English Language in Y10 - and sit several other exams in Y10 and early in Y11 - they were both 14 when they finished English lit an exam usually aimed at 16 year olds - they did okay but did feel at a particular disadvantage.

NewNovember · 10/04/2023 16:48

You still get 30 hours all through reception

LysHastighed · 10/04/2023 16:49

I have two, and zero regrets. They would have been very bored in a lower class as they are easily meeting all the goals of the classes they are in.
I was born prematurely in August myself and wasn’t delayed starting school, and was later moved up a year, so I would always suggest making a decision based on the child themselves and not on their birth date.
Neither of the kids having daily accidents in my daughter’s class were August born.

DespiteBeingSummerBorn · 10/04/2023 16:49

I didn't, and I wouldn't. My DC are all right at the top of the high flyers (all now Oxbridge), as was I (31st August birthday). Bright and capable children will be bright and capable whenever in the school year their birthday happens to fall.

julesover40 · 10/04/2023 16:49

No regrets here either, she went into reception at 4 and 3 weeks. She was more than ready though, I put it down to being the youngest of 3, so knew their routines etc. She's year 6 now, academically and socially progressing well and looking forward to starting high school in Sept.
Focus on growing their confidence, independently eating/dressing/putting on shoes etc helps. And use the next few (hopefully dry) spring and summer months to completely toilet train if possible x

Original poster
PuffinsRocks · 10/04/2023 16:51

NewNovember · 10/04/2023 16:48

You still get 30 hours all through reception

Unfortunately that still leaves us with a £750 a month nursery bill as they don't do "just" the 30 hours and it translates to 3 short days a week (and I still have to pay extra for wraparound for those 3 days) as they average it out over the holidays when DH and I don't actually need childcare as we both work term time only. So we will be better off using those 30 hours for a school.

OP posts:
RULEF0LL0WER · 10/04/2023 16:53

Yes I regretted it when my children was a teenager and the youngest in the class.