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Original poster

Working parents - how do you do it?

98 replies

itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 08:58

Looking for some advice from you other full time working parents.

My son is about to start school in September, and we have chosen the local state Ofsted 'good' primary. It has an after school club (though, absolutely no info on what they do in it), so I hoped that would help us as we both work full time and have no family to help us out.

However now I'm having a wobble - mainly about the extracurricular activities. His school won't provide things like music lessons or any real competitive sports (doesn't have the facilities or the space), and we won't be able to ferry him around to that after school.

How do you other working parents tackle this? Do you do all extracurricular stuff at the weekend? Did one of you go part time? Ignore extracurricular stuff now and let them pick it up at secondary? Go private? After school nanny?

Grateful for any experiences, as you can tell, this is my first rodeo.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 10:24

@TheYearOfSmallThings That's interesting to know, thank you. My kids are at nursery and love it, so maybe he won't be too phased by school. He is very excited!

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/02/2023 10:25

I have four kids and work full time.

I just want to salute you for that! Shock

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/02/2023 10:26

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/02/2023 10:22

One thing I will say - the advice on Mumsnet is always that your child will be exhausted after school in reception. This may be true for children who are used to being at home all day, apart from a few hours at nursery. But DS was full of beans because I work, and he was well used to a long day at nursery. School was nothing to him and he absolutely needed more physical activity to tire him out, so be prepared for that possibility OP.

I agree. It depends on the child. My dd had tons of energy after school at that age!

GiltEdges · 14/02/2023 10:32

We chose independent for this reason, the after school provision which runs until 5:30 each day includes a raft of different extra curricular options, but for children who don’t want to take up a sport/instrument/drama then there’s also a homework club/crafts type provision offered in the school library. We also fit in swimming on Sunday mornings.

Jules912 · 14/02/2023 10:36

When they're little they don't need too many extra-curriculars so we did those at the weekend. Now my DC are a bit older the clubs start later and I can drop them once I finish work.
I went with a childminder, initially as after school club was over-subscribed, but also think it works better for infant age as after school club can be full on.
I did end up dropping to part time as just couldn't make everything fit, and you do seem to miss out on more than I'd expect never doing pick up (although this may depend on the school).

BeeBB · 14/02/2023 10:42

In a similar position with no extended family support locally and DH also had a long commute each way when mine first started school so I continued to work part time and I continued with this. I worked close to their school and I was fortunate that I was able to rejig my work hours. I paid for after school club one day a week to give me some flexibility (and they enjoyed it once a week, but think they would have been too tired after school to go more and the novelty would have worn off). I did all swimming lessons, any extra curricular activities, after school playdates, after school birthday parties etc. I managed holidays using Annual Leave, TOIL and holiday club and we always holidayed outside of school terms to minimise time in childcare but holidays cost a fortune.

It would have been a nightmare and impossible if both of us had worked full time. As they are off about 13 weeks a year with school holidays not including any sick days, inset days, school plays, school assemblies, sports days, parents evenings (which are usually quite early in the day etc) and picking them up early from school if they had concussion from a fall, knocked a tooth out, had been sick in school, had chicken pox etc etc (which happens more than you might think).

SheilaFentiman · 14/02/2023 10:44

itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 09:24

You know I'd never thought about after school club reliability 😂 Holy hell, a new theme for my nightmares!

Thank you for sharing, definitely will think of our plan B x

Show quote history

As a counter, our after school club was never cancelled, unless school itself was closed for snow day or whatever

FrauleinElsaMars · 14/02/2023 10:53

We both work full time, but only one child. She’s older now but she did breakfast club a couple of mornings a week and afterschool care everyday. She did brownies at 7pm on a Tuesday, swimming at 9am on a Saturday morning and musical theatre classes on a Sunday afternoon. We made it work without too much stress.

reddwarfgeek · 14/02/2023 10:54

DD is in reception. She does 3 days after school club until 5:30-6pm. I do all school drop offs, partner does some pick ups.
We used to have MIL pick her up one of the other days but she doesn't anymore, my parents will help the odd Friday if I'm stuck at work but it's not often.

I'm off on Thursdays (work are quite flexible) and take DD to her dancing that night. On Saturday she's doing climbing lessons currently, if that goes by the by I'll take her swimming. I do almost all the taking to parties and activities. It can be tough if you both work full time. Is your work flexible to allow you to finish early to do pick up one or two days?

I'm conscious of not booking too many activities during the week so as not to tie ourselves in knots. We do try to save stuff for the weekend.

Xiaoxiong · 14/02/2023 10:57

GiltEdges · 14/02/2023 10:32

We chose independent for this reason, the after school provision which runs until 5:30 each day includes a raft of different extra curricular options, but for children who don’t want to take up a sport/instrument/drama then there’s also a homework club/crafts type provision offered in the school library. We also fit in swimming on Sunday mornings.

Same. Longer school days but all that means is that the wrap-around care, extra curriculars, homework and reading time is built into the school day.

SnowAndFrostOutside · 14/02/2023 11:09

We work part time. The school offers music lessons from the county music service from year 3. Both my DC learns from the music service. They have done swimming, gymnastics, dance and ice skating in the weekend. We got swimming for Sunday mornings because Saturdays have more clubs available. The school also does after school sports (non competitive) and the children can go to the school after school club afterwards.

SnowAndFrostOutside · 14/02/2023 11:10

I mean we don't work part time!

QforCucumber · 14/02/2023 11:12

Ds is halfway through year 2, 2 FT working parents and no family help, also no bloody breakfast club (which we didn't realise when we chose the school - moved to a new area)

Drop off is 8:40 and then I'm at work by 9. We use a childminder to collect 4 days a week and she is worth her absolute weight in gold! Pick him up around 5:40. At her house he watches tv, plays and generally just chills and we've found that invaluable for him.

I usually do Friday pick up but school have just started 10 weeks of Golf after school on Fridays so got him registered straight on to that. They're also about to start 10 weeks of Football on Wednesday which he will do, but we will have to still pay the childminder to retain his place as the after school sports only ever seem to run for 10 weeks.

Swimming was a non negotiable for me, that is 6pm Fridays, we get home in his PJs and have pizza.

He has only recently started asking about other things and locally there's Saturday morning Football and Friday evening kickboxing so will see how they go.

freesia86 · 14/02/2023 11:12

We do swimming and tennis/hockey (depending on the season) on saturdays. I finish work at 2.30pm one day a week so my daughter can go to ballet, I work longer days on two other days to make up the hours.

BeeBB · 14/02/2023 11:14

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/02/2023 10:26

I agree. It depends on the child. My dd had tons of energy after school at that age!

Show quote history

It depends on the child my DS had no bother getting up for the normal school day but in the early days I had to bring his bed time and tea time forward half an hour and he was often close to falling asleep in his tea @ 4-4.30. Whereas DD a year younger was full of beans, never ready for bed and sleep and always struggled to get up on a morning and still does.

Camillialane · 14/02/2023 11:22

We are both FT but with flexi-time and WFH whenever we want. No family help. First term of school, DC did no extra activities or after school clubs (was too tired to have enjoyed it). She started swimming one day after school from the second term and we took it in turns to pick her up and take her for swimming, using flexi time. We alternate pick ups so every other day, I pick her up and then continue work from home or in the evening. She's still tired after school and benefits from unstructured time at home (this will probably change in time - she's only 5 now!).

EllieQ · 14/02/2023 11:48

DH works full time and I work part time (30 hours over 5 days). No family nearby, but we both have flexible jobs with some WFH which really helps.

DD is in Year 3 and goes to Brownies one evening, is in after school club two days a week, and has dance class on Saturdays and swimming class on Sundays. That seems to be enough at the moment. I pick her up from school three days a week, so one day I take her to Brownies later on and the other days she has free time to relax. Homework is set on Fridays so we do that at the weekend.

We didn’t start any extra activities when she started reception as she was tired and struggling with adjusting to school (despite having been in nursery previously), then the first lockdown started just as she was getting more settled in so she didn’t start any activities until over a year later.

If you can collect from school one day a week, it does help to get to know the other parents and encourage friendships when the children are younger.

Namechange13101 · 14/02/2023 13:33

I’ve got the same dilemma coming up and it’s so useful to see how everyone else manages it to work out what might work best

Ericaequites · 14/02/2023 15:24

Sign up for waiting lists on Rainbows/Beavers/Wopdland Folk. Your little one will make great friends there. Other than that, only swimming is a must do activity. I live rurally, and swimming is a life skill. Finding an after school nanny can be tough due to limited hours. Start looking now.

purplemunkey · 14/02/2023 15:39

TBH I don't think you need to worry music lessons or competitive sports quite yet, but you may want to look at some lighter hobbies. I work slightly reduced hours which allows me to pick DC up at normal school times twice a week. DC does swimming on one of these days and dancing on the weekend.

I've not had issues with wraparound care (after school club) with the two schools we've attended so far, but that seems to be because I'm organised and get in there quick. We can only book a term at a time. I've heard others grumble that it's full up before they had a chance to book. This will depend on your school, but worth bearing in mind! DC has also done a few after school clubs over the years too (art/drama that sort of thing) - these have been handy as we don't need to do the transporting.

I do think some presence at the school gates can be helpful. You just get to know who is who and when the kids start making friends this is how I've ended up swapping numbers with people and arranging play dates. That said, in the first school year most birthday parties were whole class affairs - you can get to now who is who and swap numbers there too I suppose.

Oblomov23 · 14/02/2023 15:54

They don't even need to. You could do one activity a week at 7pm if you choose, ballet, piano, cubs. Whatever.

Oncetheystartschool · 14/02/2023 16:05

We do dancing and music lessons at the weekend. Used to do swimming lessons on a Sunday morning. As DC1 got older she asked to do more after school so she now goes swimming but its 5.15pm on a Monday and very close to home so I can take her after work and still be back for when DC2 needs picking up at 6pm from childcare. Its a bit of a rush but works for us and swimming was the one thing I really wanted her to carry on with.

Original poster
itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 16:08

Thanks so much for all your replies. It's so useful to see how everyone juggles it. I am in awe of all your organisational prowess!

He's young at the moment so I won't be looking to pile things on now. It's more looking ahead to the years to come - hey, what can I say, I'm a planner - and all these examples of slightly older kids and what they get up to have been marvellous.

What a helpful and kind thread, thanks ladies ❤️

OP posts:
AntiHop · 14/02/2023 16:15

Dh and I work full time. No family around to help. I don't wfh but dh does.

I do compressed hours which means I have a day a week when I can do activities with the toddler, and the older one doesn't have to go to after school club. We do extra curricular activities on that day and the weekends.

Holiday club and after school club are available and reliable, except Christmas holidays when there is none.

School also does some extra curricular activities like football and music.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 14/02/2023 16:56

I work 28 hrs a week over 4 days and DH works 6.5 days a week (self employed) easily doing 70hr weeks. on my 'day off' during the week I do all the paperwork for his business so hopefully we count as 'full time' between us.

The way I've organised my hours I can do school pick up 2 afternoons a week - one of those days we do swimming after school.

The other 3 days are a mix of after school club and childminder - if either ASC or the CM is unavailable the other can generally slot us in. E.g the childminder does some weeks of the school holidays and ASC can always fit them in if the CM is sick etc.

The expectation is that DH picks up any childcare on days the children are sick / inset/ snow days etc if its one of my work days and 99% of the time he does. If he can't I either work from home or take annual leave but I have a very flexible employer.

It feels pretty full on at times but it works.