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Original poster

Working parents - how do you do it?

98 replies

itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 08:58

Looking for some advice from you other full time working parents.

My son is about to start school in September, and we have chosen the local state Ofsted 'good' primary. It has an after school club (though, absolutely no info on what they do in it), so I hoped that would help us as we both work full time and have no family to help us out.

However now I'm having a wobble - mainly about the extracurricular activities. His school won't provide things like music lessons or any real competitive sports (doesn't have the facilities or the space), and we won't be able to ferry him around to that after school.

How do you other working parents tackle this? Do you do all extracurricular stuff at the weekend? Did one of you go part time? Ignore extracurricular stuff now and let them pick it up at secondary? Go private? After school nanny?

Grateful for any experiences, as you can tell, this is my first rodeo.

OP posts:
mishmased · 14/02/2023 09:08

Our two do swimming on Friday at 3:30, rugby sat morning, soccer (one child) on Saturday afternoons, football (another child) on Tuesday at 7pm, Taekwondo Mondays and Fridays at 7.

For Taekwondo we team with another parents for dropping and collecting. Same as Saturday football. Rugby DH is home at the weekends although if I'm working and there is a clash where he has to be in two places at the same time we give the option of who wants to not train (if the other has a match).
I take them swimming in Fridays straight after school as I work shift but twice in 8 weeks it clashes with my work schedule so I ask our old childminder to take them.

We have cut back on Tennis as we cannot make it (Wednesday afternoons) and thankfully cricket is only in summer. Eldest wants to join another soccer club which will involve Sunday training on top of everything else but we've said no.

Ours do homework club twice a week (€2/hr) and after school (wood work, Lego etc approx €10/hr)
Once your child starts school and makes friends, you'll find other kids that do similar sports. And you will find a way to work around it.

We both work full time with no family around and our kids are 10,7 and 20 months.

Lovetotravel123 · 14/02/2023 09:11

Maybe one way is to do the extracurricular stuff in the school holidays. That kills two birds with one stone. For example, many clubs do multi sports or focus on a particular sport.

Devonhousehunter · 14/02/2023 09:12

Don't count on the after school club / wraparound care always being available. You need a backup plan.

Our school has dance club on Tuesdays which is ideal. So we booked it in.

From September - Christmas it only went ahead once.

The wrap around care was last minute cancelled at least once every 2 weeks.

It is stressful and you do need a backup plan.

Devonhousehunter · 14/02/2023 09:13

We don't have any extra curricular clubs near us. They were cancelled due to Covid and never restarted. So holiday clubs for us don't even exist 😔

Bobbybobbins · 14/02/2023 09:16

Yes to some activities at the weekend and some later in the evening - but you might find they are very tired in reception so I would avoid evening activities in the first year.

sixfoot · 14/02/2023 09:18

Evenings and weekends. Mine also got to do some stuff on school site straight after school and just come home an hour later on those days (drama, rugby etc)

Beamur · 14/02/2023 09:19

Two parents working full time will be tough. Do you have any other family around who can help? Can you work from home some days?
School hours are not designed to be compatible with working!
There will also be assemblies and performances - many of which will be during school hours.
I wouldn't worry too much about extra curricular activities just yet. But holiday time sports only won't develop skills sufficiently if they like competitive sports.
After school clubs rarely extend beyond 6pm so you will have to pick up then. Lots of clubs start after 6, not that many are straight from school.

Original poster
itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 09:21

Beamur · 14/02/2023 09:19

Two parents working full time will be tough. Do you have any other family around who can help? Can you work from home some days?
School hours are not designed to be compatible with working!
There will also be assemblies and performances - many of which will be during school hours.
I wouldn't worry too much about extra curricular activities just yet. But holiday time sports only won't develop skills sufficiently if they like competitive sports.
After school clubs rarely extend beyond 6pm so you will have to pick up then. Lots of clubs start after 6, not that many are straight from school.

Fortunately we're both mostly home based so stuff like assemblies and emergencies etc we have covered. Jobs are fairly flexible to an extent. It's more the day to day commitments.

Nope, no family whatsoever. Three out of four parents live abroad, the fourth moved three hours away to do childcare for my brother's children.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 09:22

mishmased · 14/02/2023 09:08

Our two do swimming on Friday at 3:30, rugby sat morning, soccer (one child) on Saturday afternoons, football (another child) on Tuesday at 7pm, Taekwondo Mondays and Fridays at 7.

For Taekwondo we team with another parents for dropping and collecting. Same as Saturday football. Rugby DH is home at the weekends although if I'm working and there is a clash where he has to be in two places at the same time we give the option of who wants to not train (if the other has a match).
I take them swimming in Fridays straight after school as I work shift but twice in 8 weeks it clashes with my work schedule so I ask our old childminder to take them.

We have cut back on Tennis as we cannot make it (Wednesday afternoons) and thankfully cricket is only in summer. Eldest wants to join another soccer club which will involve Sunday training on top of everything else but we've said no.

Ours do homework club twice a week (€2/hr) and after school (wood work, Lego etc approx €10/hr)
Once your child starts school and makes friends, you'll find other kids that do similar sports. And you will find a way to work around it.

We both work full time with no family around and our kids are 10,7 and 20 months.

Thanks for this super comprehensive reply. It looks like a juggle but doable! We have some great friends locally so I'll definitely try and align with them and share the load. Well done you two 💪🏻

OP posts:
Original poster
itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 09:24

Devonhousehunter · 14/02/2023 09:12

Don't count on the after school club / wraparound care always being available. You need a backup plan.

Our school has dance club on Tuesdays which is ideal. So we booked it in.

From September - Christmas it only went ahead once.

The wrap around care was last minute cancelled at least once every 2 weeks.

It is stressful and you do need a backup plan.

You know I'd never thought about after school club reliability 😂 Holy hell, a new theme for my nightmares!

Thank you for sharing, definitely will think of our plan B x

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/02/2023 09:26

I was conscious not to overload my DD when she started school, maybe more so because she's an August born baby. So we did swimming on Sundays and eventually dance on Monday at 5pm- helps that I wfh. Gymnastics she now does in lunchtime at school- and for me that's plenty.

NotAnotherTaco · 14/02/2023 09:27

We're lucky that we both work from home a lot so don't have to rely on after school clubs too much anymore, but instead he comes back from school and does homework, playing, tv until we can finish work. He's also old enough that he can just get on with things (we couldn't have done this when he was younger).

We do Cubs on a weekday, but only because it's at 6pm therefore after work. Otherwise we just do weekend activities.

Agree with PP, make sure you have a back up plan as after school clubs aren't always that reliable. Try and befriend another parent who uses after school clubs a lot, and then you can help each other out. Also, you say there's little information about what they do there - in our experience very little! Don't imagine it as activities, or learning a skill.... lower your expectations and accept it for what it is - simple childcare!

You need to accept that you won't be able to do everything, or at least you can't without running yourself ragged.

OneMoreCookieMonster · 14/02/2023 09:27

We both work ft with a commute into London. One drives and the other is on the train. We have no family help at all.

Husband does all drop off and pick ups to breakfast and after school club. My hours are non negotiable with no flexibility. He has much much flex to his day. He also does the majority of school activities ie. Sports day, special assemblies. He also does the majority of cooking dinner.

I tend to do the majority of bedtimes and meal prep, sorting uniform and other day to day admin. I do breakfast and getting the kid ready for school.

We have one club on a Friday evening 6.15 til 8.15 (older primary aged child) and the sports clubs on Saturday morning. We keep clubs to 2 or 3 per week anymore and we can't fit it in. Family activities make up for clubs we can not do based on time, for example swimming.

Sunday is prep day for the week. We both do bits to break up the drudgery of it. Kids get involved too. As in laying out uniform the night before and packing school bags.

I tend to do the half term holidays, he does 2 to 3 weeks in the summer and clubs for the rest. We have a week holiday in between Christmas and New year as family. The Easter long weekend where he will take an extra day leave. Plus one week holiday as a family in August. The rest of the childcare is covered by holiday clubs. Where he does drop off and pick ups. It's not ideal but it's currently working.

We take turns to cover sick days and inset days.

It's exhausting but we manage. We would rather try to keep childcare costs to a minimum which is why we only use clubs offered by the school Plus the holiday clubs.

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 14/02/2023 09:27

Our after school club is 100% reliable for what it's worth so it depends.

Does the school not offer any extra curriculars after school?

Mine do various clubs at school and then after school club - also at the weekend

FluffMagnet · 14/02/2023 09:28

We're going private from this September for this very reason. 2 working parents must be the norm these days so I just don't understand why childcare providers haven't caught up with the market (and as for primary school expectations on parents, I am baffled why Ofsted doesn't see its mandate to "involve" parents often just causes stress and irritation).

Vinvertebrate · 14/02/2023 09:29

Nanny.

(we are both FT and it’s impossible ime - non-flexible jobs here though).

Original poster
itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 09:31

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/02/2023 09:26

I was conscious not to overload my DD when she started school, maybe more so because she's an August born baby. So we did swimming on Sundays and eventually dance on Monday at 5pm- helps that I wfh. Gymnastics she now does in lunchtime at school- and for me that's plenty.

Yes, very sensible. And that sounds like a great spread of things she's doing.

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 14/02/2023 09:32

Same situation here. My DS is an August baby too so I'm very wary about overloading him in the first couple of years in particular. I'm leaning towards an after school nanny for the first couple of years at the moment - it's more expensive (but cheaper than nursery has been for the last few years!) and I think it will be better for DS to be able to go to the park or come home and play when he's in Reception/Year 1. I'm going to try and finish early one day a week so may do something extracurricular then but I think we're mainly going to wait a year or two to make sure DS is settled in school before we do too much.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/02/2023 09:32

If you're both mostly home based and don't have a long commute, I don't really get the problem. What time do you finish work? Can't you just do the extracurricular stuff after you finish? That's what we always did, and it worked perfectly well.

Original poster
itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 09:32

NotAnotherTaco · 14/02/2023 09:27

We're lucky that we both work from home a lot so don't have to rely on after school clubs too much anymore, but instead he comes back from school and does homework, playing, tv until we can finish work. He's also old enough that he can just get on with things (we couldn't have done this when he was younger).

We do Cubs on a weekday, but only because it's at 6pm therefore after work. Otherwise we just do weekend activities.

Agree with PP, make sure you have a back up plan as after school clubs aren't always that reliable. Try and befriend another parent who uses after school clubs a lot, and then you can help each other out. Also, you say there's little information about what they do there - in our experience very little! Don't imagine it as activities, or learning a skill.... lower your expectations and accept it for what it is - simple childcare!

You need to accept that you won't be able to do everything, or at least you can't without running yourself ragged.

The thought of letting him play or watch a bit of telly whilst we finished work did cross my mind! My husband does very quiet work no calls, so might work with him, but as I'm on the phone most of the day can't see that working if it were only me.

OP posts:
ThatsGoingToHurt · 14/02/2023 09:32

During reception your DC will mostly be too tired for extracurriculars. DD continued with swimming on a Sunday morning which we did prior to her starting school. She has just started rainbows on a Tuesday from 6:15 to 7:15. All the other clubs I could find started at 4:30pm.

I don’t know how we will manage when DS starts school!

Original poster
itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 09:33

OneMoreCookieMonster · 14/02/2023 09:27

We both work ft with a commute into London. One drives and the other is on the train. We have no family help at all.

Husband does all drop off and pick ups to breakfast and after school club. My hours are non negotiable with no flexibility. He has much much flex to his day. He also does the majority of school activities ie. Sports day, special assemblies. He also does the majority of cooking dinner.

I tend to do the majority of bedtimes and meal prep, sorting uniform and other day to day admin. I do breakfast and getting the kid ready for school.

We have one club on a Friday evening 6.15 til 8.15 (older primary aged child) and the sports clubs on Saturday morning. We keep clubs to 2 or 3 per week anymore and we can't fit it in. Family activities make up for clubs we can not do based on time, for example swimming.

Sunday is prep day for the week. We both do bits to break up the drudgery of it. Kids get involved too. As in laying out uniform the night before and packing school bags.

I tend to do the half term holidays, he does 2 to 3 weeks in the summer and clubs for the rest. We have a week holiday in between Christmas and New year as family. The Easter long weekend where he will take an extra day leave. Plus one week holiday as a family in August. The rest of the childcare is covered by holiday clubs. Where he does drop off and pick ups. It's not ideal but it's currently working.

We take turns to cover sick days and inset days.

It's exhausting but we manage. We would rather try to keep childcare costs to a minimum which is why we only use clubs offered by the school Plus the holiday clubs.

Sounds like you're in a really solid rhythm. Well done you both, esp with a London commute.

They don't make it easy for us parents nowadays do they 😖

OP posts:
Original poster
itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 09:33

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 14/02/2023 09:27

Our after school club is 100% reliable for what it's worth so it depends.

Does the school not offer any extra curriculars after school?

Mine do various clubs at school and then after school club - also at the weekend

I don't think they do anything other than the breakfast and after school club. Maybe football club but I'm not sure! Must check...

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/02/2023 09:34

itsserendipity · 14/02/2023 09:31

Yes, very sensible. And that sounds like a great spread of things she's doing.

Show quote history

My advice is get into a school rhythm, some kids find school so tiring. There's homework and reading and it's nice to allow children still to be children. There's plenty of time to up the extra curricular, eg. summer camps there's tennis ones and multisport ones, dance ones and performing ones.

Beamur · 14/02/2023 09:34

I'd echo not doing many extra things on top of school - maybe if they're really keen on something or have a friend who does a club and they want to go together. Keep it simple until they're older. If they go with friends you might be able to lift share.
My DD is older but does a club with friends that the other parent takes them too and I pick up. Parents tend to help each other out as long as everyone is fair.