Independent school for soft dd that needs pushing to get good grades

[burgundywine]

I had originally hope my dd would be off to an academic selective school but now I'm worried a. She won't make it in as she's not putting enough work in and b. If that's even the right environment for someone that is lazy doesn't want to put the work in as much as could generate the better results.

Ideally I'd like single sex but open to mixed schools. Can be boarding/day. Dd is very soft and kind but also competitive, is good at sports at her prep but not always making the top spot every time. She's academic & cat scores mean she could consider the selective schools and I'd really like to see her go on to get top grades as I think she could but I'm worried about which school because when she is pushed to pass exams currently we have lots of tears and anxiety, the results do come & she scores well but I'm a little concerned about how we go about balancing this more.

With all the mh problems in schools and girls nowadays, I would like to avoid where possible,getting dd in a school where she ends up feeling too much pressure. But at the same no pressure with dd we don't get the results so she does need a lot of encouragement to do well already! Sigh.

People need to know an area to give helpful advice really.

Oh yes of course @SoupDragon I can move anywhere , I work remotely and not stuck to an area, probably wouldn't venture too far from London but happily move up to two hours away as no longer need to be in London at all, I just like it, but would move further if it meant dd was at the right school. Or obviously boarding might open up slightly further distances.
Currently living within a 40 min commute to London and in the south east.

Felsted or Finborough

St Mary's is in Colchester and single sex but I'd not send my DCs to a single sex school so didn't really look at them.

I think a lot of the academic schools are not overly pushy or demanding as such once you are in. They just have good teaching and bright students and the grades follow. It the prepping for the exam at 10 that's the tougher part imo. But others may disagree and there is an element of comparison to peers that can be difficult if your child compares themselves a lot.

@secondaryquandries I went to a grammar school and found it very pushy. I think some independents are like that. I want dd to enjoy school but also get the grades that she can. She will need some pressure to do well but I don't really want a school that is all about exam passes only.

Is her prep not advising you? In my neck of the woods I'd consider Priors Field (if slightly less academic) and St Catherine's if more able. Both very strong on balance and pastoral. That's if you want SS.

You may be right. I guess the thing to do is visit the schools you're interested in to get a feel for them. If you are concerned about mental health, a day school will allow to be around your daughter more, to see how she is doing day to day.

Cobham Hall

visit.cobhamhall.com/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw1vSZBhDuARIsAKZlijTLkTYlQRWWBYGVTZPFUpTQJeuZCCr_YcDVpJAHWeVkCSgz7gXvMg0aAiDjEALw_wcB

Headington in oxford would be worth a look. What are her CAT scores?

St George’s in Ascot or Heathfield maybe a good fit

Would you consider the North West?

I would consider most places ideally closer to London the better or at least decent transport links.

Prep school will only advise for 13+ they are very clear they don't prep for 11+ dd is already saying she's bored at prep as has been there a long time but I will keep her there if we fail to find a suitable school as the school is fine. The problem is, some of the schools we've spoken to prefer 11+ entry hence my concern that I don't want to 'miss the boat' for entry. I want to know which schools to even visit ideally. I know some open days will be this term so hopefully can at least weed out the less suitable ones.

Queenswood

Another vote for Queenswood

Thanks will take a look at queenswood as well.

Rye St Antony in Oxford could be worth considering. Very small and good pastoral care.

Wouldn’t recommend headington. I knew many of the girls there and it was very pushy. Wychwood in Oxford is amazing for small environment and focus isn’t solely on grades. Highly recommend if looking for a place with a good friendly vibe. Rye St Antony also very good.

Thanks @BubblinTrouble I had headington on my list. Might still go to see them but good to know.

Have they given you suggestion for 13+ as that would probably help people know roughly where you're pitching academically.

Can’t believe nobody seems remotely concerned about this:
when she is pushed to pass exams currently we have lots of tears and anxiety,

This is a 10 year old girl we’re talking about right?! Cut the poor girl some slack and stop pushing her!!

I agree with @Confusedteacher I can't believe no one has mentioned it earlier .

The whole post is 'off' for me. Having worked with young people with mental health issues a lot of the pressure stems from home .

@Confusedteacher agree!

@burgundywine why you are looking for “academic selective school” for you DD if she feels sad when you push her to pass exams.

Its looks like she doesn’t like pressure. Academic selective school doesn’t mean best school for every child. If she doesn’t like someone to push her to study then she will be unhappy in that environment because academic school care about exam results!!.

I think I'm worried that without any push at all she will not do well academically. I have benefitted a lot from having good academics so it's hard to imagine my dd not having good academics when I think she is capable, however she can be a bit reluctant to put any extra effort in to get into a selective school. I am trying to balance finding an academic school, whilst also ensuring it's not too high pressured. I think they exist. I just don't know which ones are out there.

I am also open to suggestions of non selective schools that may still offer good academics. And if I don't find any schools I think will suit dd I plan to leave her in her prep and start looking again as well as work with her school to find a school. I'm also wondering if we're better off waiting anyway as dd might mature between now and end of year 8 if we did stay in prep because she's summer born.

Claremont fan?