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Original poster

Separated parents can't decide on school- help!

75 replies

urghnotthisagain · 06/09/2022 21:09

My ex and I share custody of my 3yo.

He has her Monday evening-Thursday morning and I have the rest.

He lives about 45 mins away and wants our daughter to attend primary school near him and I obviously want her near me.

We are not able to come to an agreement on which school she should go to but I have absolutely no idea what happens next??

I've heard we can both apply and the LEA will decide but I would rather do it through solicitors/court if possible as he is volatile and I think it could get nasty.

Anyone been in a similar situation and how did it resolve?

OP posts:

StarDolphins · 06/09/2022 21:11

I think she should go near you, that’s her main home so makes far more sense.

saraclara · 06/09/2022 21:18

So three school afternoons and three school mornings she's going to/from his home, and two school afternoon and two mornings to/from yours?

From a logical perspective a school near him makes sense. One set of journeys is going to be really long, and she's three, bless her.

Lulu1919 · 06/09/2022 21:18

He's takes her three days ...you two ?

saraclara · 06/09/2022 21:19

StarDolphins · 06/09/2022 21:11

I think she should go near you, that’s her main home so makes far more sense.

Is it? Looks like 50:50 to me.

Lulu1919 · 06/09/2022 21:19

He does more school drop offs pick ups....

LIZS · 06/09/2022 21:20

The address used needs to be where she lives more of the time and where child benefit, gp etc are registered. As she spends more nights with you it is likely to default to your address. It is unlikely she will get allocated a school near the other parent's home.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 06/09/2022 21:20

What will the split of childcare be like when she is in school?

saraclara · 06/09/2022 21:21

LIZS · 06/09/2022 21:20

Except the nights she spends with OP are mostly weekend nights.

saraclara · 06/09/2022 21:24

Obviously I would want her to go to school near me, too. But I'm struggling to find any logic to that, given the info that OP has given. And that's SO much traveling for a three year old. There's only Friday that she won't have a 45 minute journey if she's at school near you. And most of the remaining school days she'll have two!

NoSquirrels · 06/09/2022 21:25

Well, she’s spending the majority of the school week with her father, so it makes sense for him to have the school closest to him.

How did you come to this arrangement as it’s quite unusual one parent not getting any weekend time. I think you both need to rethink arrangements now she’s school aged - what about holidays etc?

MolliciousIntent · 06/09/2022 21:25

She's with him for the majority of the school week, so she should go to school near him.

saraclara · 06/09/2022 21:26

Do you both work? That's a heck of a lot of traveling before and after work for the working parent, too.

StarDolphins · 06/09/2022 21:28

saraclara · 06/09/2022 21:19

Is it? Looks like 50:50 to me.

Show quote history

Sorry, yes my mistake! I thought it was mon eve AND Thurs morn - need to put my glasses on!

sorry op, if he’s doing more school days then it does make sense for her school to be near him.

Starseeking · 06/09/2022 21:28

He does 60% of drop-offs and pick ups, so logically it makes sense for her to go to a school near him.

However if you want her in a school near you you'll either need to move closer to your ex or change the contact pattern so all school days/nights are in one place. It wouldn't be fair on your DC to have to travel 45 minutes to school at such a young age.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 06/09/2022 21:31

saraclara · 06/09/2022 21:21

Except the nights she spends with OP are mostly weekend nights.

Show quote history

OP has her more nights, so if enrolment is based on where they live the most that would mean a school near OP.

To me it makes the most sense to have the school near Ex as they'd do 4 drop offs and 3 pick ups based on current arrangements and it would be best for the child not to travel so much every day. Especially if Ex would be the main contact for school as they have her for 3 school days.

LionessesRules · 06/09/2022 21:32

What address will be used on the application?
Will you realistically get into a school near the parent who doesn't live at the address the child is seen to have as the major residence (ie child benifit, GP address used etc)

Lightuptheroom · 06/09/2022 21:33

Looking at that split of time, it looks like he will be doing more pick up and drop offs? I'm assuming this is for next year rather than now, though the applications obviously go in sooner than that.
It really does depend on where she resides in terms of GP etc. Logistically you'd be best to look at somewhere in between the two addresses.
You do get more than one preference, so you could put down both your preferences and see what happens.
I know you feel that you want a school near you , but realistically if the majority of the school week is spent at her dad's address then it would be better for her, particularly at infant age, to be nearer to that address. Try to look at it less about him getting what he wants and more from what sort of journey time would be better for a 4 year old.

bumpytrumpy · 06/09/2022 21:34

It's unfeasible to continue this contact pattern when she starts school. She needs a constant home within a sensible distance of her school.

If you want to keep 50:50 can one of you move closer to the other?

Otherwise can you switch to a more traditional contact pattern?

Onceuponatimethen · 06/09/2022 21:36

This is partly an admissions issue (which address the LEA will say you can use) and partly a family law issue (what school she should attend which court will decide if you can’t agree.

You need to check the rules of the local authority you each live in - they may say different things.

On which school if you can’t agree you should consult your solicitor

titchy · 06/09/2022 21:36

Realistically as she spends more school night with him it will be his address that should be used, which means choosing the one near him as you'd be unlikely to get her a place at one near you from his address which you'd have to use.

The alternative would be to change the existing arrangements so that it's clear she spends the majority of her time with you so you use your address if he agrees (court if not), and apply to court again re the school issue if he doesn't agree with your choice.

Onceuponatimethen · 06/09/2022 21:38

@panelmember

@prh47bridge

Onceuponatimethen · 06/09/2022 21:39

Sorry should have been @Panelmember

alotoftutus · 06/09/2022 22:20

I can completely understand why you would want her close. However if she is with her dad more during the school week then for her it's probably easier to go to school where her dad is. Also for play dates after school, and local clubs Brownies swimming etc. They would more than likely happen where she spends her time during the week which is with dad.

lunar1 · 06/09/2022 22:23

She should be near her dad for school, he does more school days.

QueenofLouisiana · 06/09/2022 22:27

Near Dad.
On Monday she has a longer journey to school but has just had the weekend break.
On Friday she has longer return journeys, but again there is a weekend break. Also after school clubs are less likely to be in a Friday, so she would miss out on less.

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