Son possibly being excluded for throwing object ar teacher - advice wanted

[Stressyball]

My son (year 11) got into a dispute with a teacher yesterday during school and threw an object at her in anger. I’ve been invited in tomorrow and I’m worried he may be getting excluded and don’t know what to do.

BG my son is a hot head but lovely. The teacher had separated him from his friends in the class due to them previously mucking about (what kid doesn’t right?) and received the normal warnings that they get before a detention. He admitted he got frustrated at her when she told him to get to work instead of asking her to move seats (literacy is not his strong point and he hates it.) After he threw the object (which did NOT hit her) he received the detention and he thought that was it but now school are saying it’s serious.

i personally think the detention is enough as he understands why it’s wrong. How can I convince the school not to exclude him over this? And advice on dealing with this?

You've made a lot of excuses for his behaviour in your post, he's old enough to know better.

It doesn't matter if it hit her or not, it's a sign he can't manage his feelings so why don't you help him with that.

Maybe let him take the punishment he deserves. He’s not a lovely child If he’s so hot headed he throws things at teachers.

They have in NI

Is this a reverse?

This is clearly totally unacceptable behaviour on his part!

Feel like this is just designed to annoy people

A hot headed 15/16 year old with a history of getting angry & now throwing objects? You should prob get some outside help for him.
Is he aggressive toward you at home?

He kind of threw it in frustration, not Trying to hit her with it and didn’t mean to hurt her at all, and as I said it missed her anyway.

So what? And no, not all 15/16 year old kids muck about with their mates in class. They've usually outgrown it by then. And the tantrums because they don't like a subject - especially a fairly vital one like literacy.

A dispute? This wasn't a debate he was pissing about and the teacher rightly called him out for it.
Stop making excuses - he sounds like a nightmare. Would he pull something like this with a male teacher? He's not going to be very employable if he chucks stuff when he doesn't get his own way.

My advice?

Back the school

What would your response be if a work colleague or your boss threw a small metal pencil sharpener at you in anger? Even if it didn’t hit you.

For perspective I have taught in mainstream schools for 10 years and a PRU for 1 year. I have only had things thrown at me in the last year. This is completely unacceptable in a mainstream school, especially at your son's age. Your post doesn't come across as great to be honest, you accept that he was misbehaving and had very reasonably been asked to move away from the situation so that he could continue his work, he wasn't happy so he threw a metal object at his teacher. Have you actually come on here for people to say that your son was in the right? Or that the teacher has behaved unreasonably?

Having read some of your updates and realising he is 15/16, the situation is actually worse than I thought. Step up and parent this boy urgently! He needs to manage his temper quick smart before he ends up in serious trouble.

Why is he struggling with aggression and what has been done to help him? If he were mine he would be in therapy by himself and probably we would all be doing family therapy.

Consequences to actions

If you read on the relationships board that a man threw a cup at his wife - but it missed - what would you say to her?

it’s not violent abuse because he missed?

I’m in Scotland and my LA puts a LOT of work into high schools to stop DA.

but then my ex-husband’s mum reckons he’s a sweet innocent boy too. Even as the police were raiding her house and finding his illegal stashed guns. She blamed the police, not her son.

Do you get shit thrown at you at work @Stressyball ? As a teacher I have. Sometimes it misses, sometimes it doesn't and it hurts. Do you think we get paid to be the target of an angry little boy or to educate? Twice I have had students charged with assault in my tea her life, and if a metal sharpener had hit me around the face then that would be plenty enough for the police to investigate. Especially a 15 year old boy throwing something in anger.

Would you try ro excuse it to the police as well? After all, he didn't mean it.

He may well be excluded - and that might be exactly what he needs to realise that what he did is unacceptable Rather than persuading the school not to exclude him, I'd be asking for their advice on how to help him deal with his anger I've been in a similar situation and the school was really supportive and helpful. They need to learn to take responsibility for their actions, but it is acceptable to ask for help in dealing with it. Making excuses won't help him in the long run.

Not at all - I know he is in the wrong and so does he. We both agree he shouldn’t have done it. I just want to know if there’s any way to minimise this and the implications on his future. Maybe offering an apology letter would help?! I am reading the comments and they are upsetting - I don’t condone violence at all and no one should have to work with that. I am just concerned about my son and his future and am looking into getting him counseling for anger. He has had a rough few years - we moved up here due to my Mum getting cancer and my own divorce so he’s found it hard to make friends, and switch to a whole new education system. Not making excuses, just showing the whole picture.

You are making excuses. I teach students who are in care, or have serious anxiety, or parents died, or refugees from Syria, Afghanistan, Ukraine....
You know what? none of them chuck stuff at teachers.

Why is he doing “literacy” aged 16? Is he already in a PRU, or does he have SEN? Most 16 year olds would be doing English GCSE/Nationals.

What you should have done is help him learn to deal with situations without throwing stuff before he reached this age.
Stop justifying it as him being hot headed (stroppy) or getting into a dispute (being rude and not doing as he’s told)

He is dyslexic and this was a specialist intervention class to support dyslexic students or those struggling in other areas. They did start him on nationals but he didn’t do well so they are trying this before he moved up to year 12. He struggles academically and I have tried tutors etc over the years. He was actually hoping to leave at the end of this year for an apprenticeship ( which are fairly competitive in our area) however I’m worried this will affect his chances in the future, so I’m desperate to avoid it if possible.

The implications on his future

I think you probably already know the answer to this, he needs to know that continued violence and “hot headed” responses are what will have a greater influence on his future than not liking literacy. Up to him to change his behaviour and his responses.

I am sorry you are upset by the comments, maybe you should show them to him, explain that this is how people in the real world view his behaviour and let him know how it makes you feel.

We both agree he shouldn’t have done it. I just want to know if there’s any way to minimise this and the implications on his future.

This needs to be severely dealt with now. What he is currently learning is that it's ok to show aggressive behaviour because mum will try and minimise the punishment.

In the future will you be telling his wife/ partner 'it's ok, he only punched the wall near you- he was never going to aim for your face' etc etc.

You need to be supporting the school 100% showing a united front that it is NEVER acceptable to throw things at someone. It will escalate especially if you try and reduce the punishment.

He would have never done it if it was a male teacher.

BG my son is a hot head but lovely. The teacher had separated him from his friends in the class due to them previously mucking about (what kid doesn’t right?)

He was messing about so got moved. Then because he didn't get his own way he threw an object. He sounds like a complete pain. You need to stop excusing his behaviour. I hope he doesn't throw things at you too.

Not at all - I know he is in the wrong and so does he. We both agree he shouldn’t have done it. I just want to know if there’s any way to minimise this and the implications on his future. Maybe offering an apology letter would help?!

I do think a sincere apology letter would help & an acknowledgement of his actions.

I also think that his literacy and dyslexia are likely affecting him. Not excusing his behaviour but I do think it must have some impact.

I think if he can find an apprenticeship then he can move on & improve his attitude.

Is there any chance you can move back to where you came from? Would he be happier?

Most students with dyslexia and literacy problems do not throw things at teachers
Zero excuses.