Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Original poster

Son possibly being excluded for throwing object ar teacher - advice wanted

101 replies

Stressyball · 30/08/2022 20:07

My son (year 11) got into a dispute with a teacher yesterday during school and threw an object at her in anger. I’ve been invited in tomorrow and I’m worried he may be getting excluded and don’t know what to do.

BG my son is a hot head but lovely. The teacher had separated him from his friends in the class due to them previously mucking about (what kid doesn’t right?) and received the normal warnings that they get before a detention. He admitted he got frustrated at her when she told him to get to work instead of asking her to move seats (literacy is not his strong point and he hates it.) After he threw the object (which did NOT hit her) he received the detention and he thought that was it but now school are saying it’s serious.

i personally think the detention is enough as he understands why it’s wrong. How can I convince the school not to exclude him over this? And advice on dealing with this?

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 30/08/2022 20:17

Does not matter if it didn't hit her, he shouldn't have thrown it.

BuenoSucia · 30/08/2022 20:17

Can you hear yourself? “He didn’t mean to hurt her”, “it was only a small object”. 😲

cstx89 · 30/08/2022 20:17

As much as I moan about teachers sometimes- they do not deserve a metal sharpener being thrown at them by a 15/16 yr old boy.

Exclusion may be seen as harsh but ur son needs to grow up pronto. He could leave school shortly with that kind of attitude.

Get him help OP to control his anger before its to late.

indecisivewoman81 · 30/08/2022 20:17

If a 15/16 year old got angry and threw a metal sharpener at you, would you be angry and angry ant consequences?

He needs to work on his anger. Being a "hot head" is not going to help him at college or in employment.

I would expect him to be suspended.

MmeMeursault · 30/08/2022 20:18

Bit early to be at school isn't it?

NerrSnerr · 30/08/2022 20:18

I suspect in 10 years time his poor partner will be on the receiving end of his hot headedness but it's fine isn't it OP as he's lovely.

Michellexxx · 30/08/2022 20:18

In any other workplace, he wouldn’t get away with it. A teacher shouldn’t have to just deal with pupils who are unable to control themselves and are so volatile. He needs to learn he can’t behave like this.
hes 16, he could be on an apprenticeship or such and he certainly wouldn’t get away with it with those poor excuses. I have to say that it does usually seem to be women who have to deal with young men and volatile reactions in school- I’m sure there’s many reasons for this, but you should be teaching him to learn to do better- not looking for excuses for him to face to real repercussions.

NerrSnerr · 30/08/2022 20:18

MmeMeursault · 30/08/2022 20:18

Bit early to be at school isn't it?

Not everywhere in the UK.

SouperNoodle · 30/08/2022 20:18

Stop trying to justify what he did. Detention is not enough for attempted assault. If she'd thrown something at him, you'd want her head on a stick so don't make it ok just because it's the other way round.

12roundsofwhitelowfatspread · 30/08/2022 20:19

Age 11 or Year 11? I know you said Year 11, but just checking…

If age 11 I would expect it to be treated very seriously, and include a fixed term exclusion and a serious chat with parents. Beyond that it depends what he threw, and whether this is part of a pattern of behaviour or a first offence.

If Year 11 I would expect a more serious consequence. At age 15/16, even if students are frustrated or find a subject difficult, the behaviour expectations are that the student will control themselves (and ideally not distract others, but I appreciate not every day is perfect). Staff should not be the recipients of verbal or physical abusive behaviour, and neither should students.

dalisdrippingclock · 30/08/2022 20:19

FannyFifer · 30/08/2022 20:12

That's some amount of excuses your making for a badly behaved & aggressive child.

Absolutely my thoughts too.

BuenoSucia · 30/08/2022 20:19

NerrSnerr · 30/08/2022 20:18

I suspect in 10 years time his poor partner will be on the receiving end of his hot headedness but it's fine isn't it OP as he's lovely.

100% this. But he didn’t mean to hurt her/badly.

Nellle · 30/08/2022 20:20

You need to accept that a fixed term exclusion is absolutely the correct course of action here. Any Headteacher who allows violent outbursts like this without a serious sanction would be failing to keep their staff and students safe. You shouldn't want that either.

Whether or not your son landed a good shot is irrelevant.

Cupofteainthemorning · 30/08/2022 20:20

Wow. I've been a teacher ten years and never had anything thrown at me. That is really poor behaviour and not normal or acceptable at all. How would you like it if the teacher threw something at your child during a lesson when they lost their temper? They would be fired instantly.
It doesn't matter if the object missed, it COULD have hit the teacher and injured her. It could also have hit another pupil.

Freedomfighters · 30/08/2022 20:20

He's year 11. It doesn't matter that the sharpener didn't hit her. It's the fact that he thinks it's ok to throw it that's the problem. If it had hit her it could have hurt her. Imagine if it had hit her in the eye or something. You using terms like hotheaded masks what he is. A nearly grown male who thinks it's ok to resort to violence when he's upset or frustrated. There's no excuses for losing control like that and you need to try and pull him into line and support the school, whatever they decide to do. He absolutely cannot take that behaviour into adulthood. He'll face more than being excluded if he does.

Nidan2Sandan · 30/08/2022 20:20

He deserves to be expelled! Throwing something at a person is assault! It didnt hit her but my god, if that is how he copes with frustration, by using violent acts....... well you have bigger problems than an exclusion.

If you're lucky it'll be temporary.

That poor teacher!! How awful for her to have a student she is trying to teach, and impart knowledge, to aid his future, attack her in such a manner.

You need to stop making excuses and start parenting.

Original poster
Stressyball · 30/08/2022 20:20

AtomicBlondeRose · 30/08/2022 20:16

Which country are you in? It was August Bank Holiday yesterday and most schools in England haven’t gone back yet. And they don’t have Year 11 in Scotland. Either way it’s very early in the year to get in any trouble, let alone excluded.

we are English but live in Scotland, and only moved up a few years ago. I still think on “years” despite the fact that they use S up here.

OP posts:
Changechangychange · 30/08/2022 20:20

NerrSnerr · 30/08/2022 20:18

Not everywhere in the UK.

Show quote history

Scotland wouldn’t usually call it “Year 11” though? Would usually be S5.

bellac11 · 30/08/2022 20:21

Is this actually a true thread, schools havent gone back in England

Snugglemonkey · 30/08/2022 20:21

If you want to improve this situation, you really need to think about your approach. It is not helpful to explain away his behaviour. It is unacceptable to physically attack a teacher.

Violence and aggression have no place, this is really extreme behaviour in a school. I don't think a detention cuts it at all. Is this teacher female? That would add an extra dimension of worry if this were my son.

You need to be accepting the situation is dire and discussing how you intend to work with your son to manage his temper. The staff are not the enemy here, your son does not need defending. He needs you to parent.

BellaCiao1 · 30/08/2022 20:21

Your little passive comments in the brackets tells us all we need to know about your thoughts on it.

You are more worried about your son facing consequences than the incident that just happened.

I'm sorry but response is utterly appalling.

ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving · 30/08/2022 20:21

So we've got "boys will be boys", "she pushed him to it by nagging him", and "she's over reacting, it didn't even hit her" all together in one post. If you're for real op you are a truly awful parent and your son is part of the next generation of men making the world unsafe for women. You're going to get thoroughly roasted for this post and you deserve every second of it. You should feel ashamed of yourself and of your son.

SoftSheen · 30/08/2022 20:22

You shouldn't be making excuses for a 15 year old, probably adult sized, teenager deliberately throwing something at a person. He deserves to be excluded and if I were you I would be having a very firm word with him indeed.

RoseAndRose · 30/08/2022 20:22

The teacher had separated him from his friends in the class due to them previously mucking about (what kid doesn’t right?)

Nearly all of them don't.

'mucking about' is horribly disruptive, and it's totally correct t's clamped down in.

Throwing things, even small things, is the sort of outburst that is not tolerated and I would suggest you brace yourself for him having a fixed term exclusion (assume you must be NI, and hoping system/terminology is similar to E/W)

viques · 30/08/2022 20:22

Wow, you are offering up a lot of excuses for his behaviour

hot head but lovely ( your opinion, he is old enough to control his temper and moderate his behaviour in class)

teacher had separated him ( as she is entitled to do)

what child doesn’t (muck about)

she told him to work ( that’s why he is in school)

he doesn’t like literacy ( tough, core subject, get over it)

he threw an object ( I notice you don’t say what, a pencil, a book, a chair?)

“which did NOT hit her”. ( that surprisingly does not make it OK)

So you (personally) think the detention was enough

You are asking for advice for dealing with this, first off stop minimising his atrocious behaviour, second support whatever sanctions the school put in place and hope that by working with the school you can nip this attitude in the bud otherwise you could be starting to look for a managed move to another school or a PRU.