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Education

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Original poster

DH says private school is too much but i want then to go

38 replies

doublehelp · 13/01/2008 12:23

After looking around all the schools in our area state and private we fell in love with a private school about 5mins drive. Its everything we would want from a school. Have just been filling in the registration forms and other info needed by the school and DH says he has changed his mind as he thinks its too much.
He is worried that in a few years time with the fee increases in school we wouldn't be able to afford it. How can i convience him it is the best for our Dc's and we can deal with that if and when that happens

Thanks

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ElenyaTuesday · 13/01/2008 12:44

Is this primary or secondary? I'm sure he is only being sensible - have you actually sat down and worked out the figures, comparing your income and outgoings including school fees?

Honestly I think it would be worse to have to pull the children out of school a few years down the line rather than not send them to the private school in the first place.

meemar · 13/01/2008 12:53

Agree with Elenya - you need to work it out properly and see if you can or can't afford it rather than deal with it if and when it happens.

If your children are settled and happy and and you all love the school, then you have to take them out because you have no money that would be terrible for them.

Is it the case that the school fees would make it prohibitive or just that you would need to make too many sacrifices elsewhere? You need to look at what is most important to you as a family.

Cappuccino · 13/01/2008 12:58

"we can deal with that if and when that happens"

that is a bit head-in-the-sand as a method of financial planning

lulumama · 13/01/2008 13:01

you need to balance paying fees for however many years, fees that will increase over time, with how much you will have to sacrifice, holidays, treats, new clothes, cars...

and there is the uniform, trips and other expenses

you need to approach this seriously and methodically and not just blindly throw yourself into it

brimfull · 13/01/2008 13:02

If you aren't positive you can afford to keep them there it would be cruel to start them .

Original poster

doublehelp · 13/01/2008 13:02

We can afford to send them both there if i return to work as we would use that money to pay for the fees. That was always the plan, Dh earns enough to pay for all the bills and day to day expenses including one decent holiday a year and have some left over each month.
We would definatly not be struggling to find the money at the moment each month as i am a part qualifield accountant so could earn enough to cover the fees.

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LIZS · 13/01/2008 13:02

tbh if you are having to make any financial compromise you both need to be equally signed up to the commitment . Not only do the fees tend to climb as the children get older and move up the school (during Pre Prep and Prep level at least)but annual rises are often way above inflation such as average 8% last year. So you do need to be realistic and not just hope it resolves itself.

On the other hand if you really believe that it is the best place for your children, rather than a romantic dream, then you should be able to convince dh that it is a compromise worth making if the finances stack up.

JudgeNutmeg · 13/01/2008 13:07

Was it your parents or his that were going to help with the fees? Have they changed their mind? (From other thread)

Original poster

doublehelp · 13/01/2008 13:08

I have looked at the figures put everything on a spreadsheet and it all looks doable to me.
The only sacrifice we would be making was that my slalry was going to be used to but a holiday home abroad somewhere and dh still thinks this may be a better option.

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Original poster

doublehelp · 13/01/2008 13:09

No my parents are still going to help us out if need be

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meemar · 13/01/2008 13:10

What are the local states schools like? How would you both feel about the children going there?

LIZS · 13/01/2008 13:12

You cna always buy aborad later but you wonlt get those years of education back . havign said that had not realised you were the op on previous thread so see how young your kids are and that you have to realise what a long term commitment it might be and not only in the basic fees but all the rest(music, extra curricula stuff, uniform, dance, contributions to this, that and the other etc etc).

bossybritches · 13/01/2008 13:17

If you are OK financially & your parents will help out why not start a "fees fund" & try & keep a small but healthy balance to off- set any nasty surprises? Pay an agreed amount in every month from your wages & any bonus' etc . That way any extra lump sums that come up (savings plans isas's etc) could be put in there. Granparents tend to have pensions/plans paying out at odd times rather than be able to afford regular monthly amounts.

Agree with the othrs though you need to sit down & have a planning talk- it may be better to send them to a state school &pay for extras outside (hobbies, clubs) & possibly extra tuition if they need it rather than loads of money spent on fees etc with non spare for extra trips etc.

cariboo · 13/01/2008 13:19

All this realistic & sensible advice is very true. However we decided to put our 2 in a private school & haven't regretted it. We can't afford to go away during the hols or to buy a new car, etc. And it's the same for many of us. Even if the dc only get their primary education privately, at least they'll have acquired a love of learning & the discipline & organisation needed to get the work done. Dd(7.5)is thriving, loving it, progressing in leaps & bounds even though she's being "pushed" far more than her contemporaries in the state system. One of my friends recently took her son out of 'our' school because he was stressed & couldn't handle the workload. It depends on the personality of the child, I think. Not a question of intellect IMO.

Original poster

doublehelp · 13/01/2008 13:21

My dc's currently both attend the state school i was happy with them going there this time last year but just not as happy as i was then now. Not sure what has changed it just doesn't feel right anymore

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Original poster

doublehelp · 13/01/2008 13:24

The other option we have spoken about is sending them to the private school for primary/juniors, when they move to secondary school have them sit the exams for the grammer school and if need be move them at that point. My Dh has a problem with having options her likes to plan ahead and know exactly what is happening, he's not very good with change

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meemar · 13/01/2008 13:24

I do think your opinion of the local state school is very important though.

Presumably for your DH to feel he'd rather use the money for a holiday home than school fees, he must feel that the state school is good enough for the children.

cardiffgirl · 13/01/2008 13:26

What do you think is the main problem with the state school?

Original poster

doublehelp · 13/01/2008 13:27

i have spent the morning in the reception class helping out and seen how things operate. DH only does dropping off/pick up once in a while, i said he needs to do a morning helping out and then see how he feels. He loved the private school and agrees it would be better for them and the education they would receive would be amazing but its the money commintment that he's not sure about

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LIZS · 13/01/2008 13:28

I know you said your dd1 was still nursery age on other thread . Rmemebr also to take into account that you may (or may not, dependign on school's eligibilty) get the LEA vouchers for part of Nursery/Reception years' fees depending on timing of her b'day. You do need to look carefully because some years the increase will be more than just the annual % fee increase ie from Nursery to Reception , at Yr 3, Yr 5 and so on and if you have 2 such increases coinciding it will hurt.

Another option might be to go state until year 3, saving money over the early years to fund the later ones.

Wisteria · 13/01/2008 13:30

Golly if you have a grammar school then go for that option, I think the education standard is fairly comparable to be honest.

The only piece of advice (well not advice but experience) I have is that I was sent to a public school on a scholarship as we would never have afforded the fees otherwise. Mum and Dad then felt they had to send my brothers, neither of whom got a scholarship unfortunately. Mum was doing what you are planning and all her salary went on fees. We still had a holiday every year (in the UK) but the real problem I had with it was that I was then in an environment of 'rich' children and couldn't keep up with the parties/ clothes/ disposable income of my peers and that is an issue for teenagers I think.

Looking back I think I'd have probably done equally well at a state school and we would have had the money for other things, hobbies, extra curricular activities etc.

UnquietDad · 13/01/2008 13:30

In the city where I live it seems to be the people in the decent state catchments who more often send their children private. "Go figure."

This is going to sound mean and picky, but I see it SO often - if you want to send your children to grammar school please learn to spell it. Thank you. (If you are dyslexic I apologise in advance.)

Original poster

doublehelp · 13/01/2008 13:31

The fact there is one teacher for 31 pupils, they only read once a week, playground equipment has been broken since september just little things really. Academicly (SP) the kids do mostly perform well.
At the private school they read everyday there is 9-10 in each class with one teacher and an assistant. The grounds and equipment is sparkling everytime we have gone round and the whole atmosphere of the school is calm and lovely

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cariboo · 13/01/2008 13:32

I was itching to comment on that spelling mistake, Unquiet but didn't dare. Trust you!

Original poster

doublehelp · 13/01/2008 13:35

My spellling has always been rubbish (another eason) much better with numbers no offfence taken i don't mind when people correct me on errors

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