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Education

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Original poster

Do grandparents pay your school fees?

96 replies

catamongsttheflowers · 19/01/2022 16:46

Is it quite common for GP to pay school fees? My parents are always offering to pay for my two DC to go to private school and I have resisted so far as it feels a step too far but am I denying my children a private education? We 100% cannot afford it but they absolutely can and say otherwise the money will just swallowed by inheritance tax and it is for the grandchildren rather than for me personally.
I myself went to private school - it seems a bit harsh to make them pay for it all over again! I went private and now can't afford private... I guess what I'm asking is how common is this arrangement?

OP posts:

Ericaequites · 20/01/2022 18:33

He who pays the piper calls the tune. If you don’t like the school GPs pick, the situation is difficult. What if your child isn’t admitted to the school they choose? What if the school goes downhill in quality, or is poorly suited to the child? You need to discuss these issues before you start, as well as whether they will pay for uniform, sports kits, and other extras. Expecting to choose a school with out GP input is very unreasonable.

Bunce1 · 20/01/2022 18:56

dem

I did say I was playing devils advocate

If I had paid £200k on my child’s education I might like to see them financially secure in a well paid profession with few money worries. That would of course run secondary to their happiness. Surely that’s tacit?

Snoopsnoggysnog · 20/01/2022 20:07

@Bunce1

dem

I did say I was playing devils advocate

I think this is how my parents feel although they would never say it. My sibling and I went to private school and we are both in high paying careers. That’s absolutely not the case with most of our peer group from school though - I’d say we are the exception! My own DC are at private school but I am paying for their school experience. I have no expectation of them to have a highly paid career.

Original poster

catamongsttheflowers · 20/01/2022 20:15

Whilst I didn't end up in a high paying career I did get amazing exam results

It definitely wouldn't come with any caveats of achieving success attached. I think their expectations of outcomes are realistic after their experiences wish me 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

catamongsttheflowers · 20/01/2022 20:15

With me not wish

OP posts:

AtlasPine · 20/01/2022 20:19

Are you very secure in your relationship with your parents to trust them not to use the continuation of fee paying as a lever to manipulate you, should you have a disagreement of any sort in the future? Once you child is settled and happy at a school, it’s a traumatic thing to have to remove them because fees can’t be covered.

Twinwoo · 20/01/2022 20:27

Gosh quite an eye opener! My in-laws are multi millionaires but didn't even buy my young son a Christmas present 😢

Guess it's about priorities! I do wonder how he and other children ( pregnant ) will feel knowing there's all this wealth ( mother in law inherited from her father)bit nothing going to help them.

I say go for it, lucky children!

RenGreen · 21/01/2022 00:03

My ILs and parents have said they will help if we get into difficulty - currently paying out of our savings although going to speak to our IFA about other routes.

Hoppinggreen · 21/01/2022 07:06

@singlenamestar

It's definitely a thing They even have "grandparents day" at some schools because of it

My pil paid for bil's dds (they are the oldest 2 of 9 gc) but haven't offered any more

Frankly given how little my nieces got out of it, I am not surprised they haven't offered.

Neither girl has anything of what i gained from Private education though I boarded and they are day pupils)

We are sending ours state and just boosting them with extra curricular elsewhere and crucially preparing them for the real world which I am not sure that private education does tbh

I must be a bit clueless because when they had a Grandparents event for my sons year with afternoon tea and a school tour I just thought it was a nice thing. No idea some might want to see what they are paying for!

Bunnycat101 · 21/01/2022 07:30

One of my siblings has in-laws that pay entirely for fees. It has given the children so much and they are incredibly grateful. They picked the school though. You need to pick the right school for your child not just the school you went to.

Mistyplanet · 21/01/2022 07:32

I would go for it. As others have said you get one chance at an education. I think your children would thank you for it. To those who have said no because the GPs might dictate the school- well if you cant afford the private then you wont get that much choice in your childs school anyway it will be down to your postcode for state schools which probably wont be better than a private school chosen by GPs. OP when you see opportunities in life grab them with both hands! Dont worry about how common the set up is or what others are doing. Fwiw my children are at private school on bursaries and there have been no problems in terms of paying for extras or feeling different from others. We get second hand uniform mostly and school trips are included in the fees, even the school lunch is- so we are better off than when the children were at state school.

M1212 · 21/01/2022 08:05

What does the children's father think about this?

BuanoKubiamVej · 21/01/2022 08:10

My parents make a contribution towards fees - about 20%. I told them when we were considering school options that we could stretch to manage school fees if we cut down on pension contributions and leisure activities/holidays and were a bit more frugal, and they offered to make a contribution to mean we didn't have to do anything too drastic to tighten our belts. They have made it clear that the eventual inheritance split between their various descendants will be adjusted to take these contributions into account so its basically an advance on future inheritance.

Fr0thandBubble · 23/01/2022 20:36

I'd bite their arm off!

I think it's very common, OP. I know a woman whose father is paying for all four of her children to go to a top boarding prep - that's £120K per year!

Usernamehell · 23/01/2022 20:52

Not in our case but it is very common in our (and both our parents') social circles. As many others have said, either directly paying or using trust funds are a common way of inheritance planning and allows the GPs to see their inheritance enjoyed by the grandchildren whilst they are still here.

In the cases we know of, the parents can comfortably afford all the extras that come with private education - it's affording them together with the fees that is tough

villagegirlatheart · 13/02/2022 00:29

We pay our own but saved a lot pre-children specifically for this so the fees aren't too extortionate now.

whattodo2019 · 13/02/2022 01:26

I work in a prep school and yes lots of grandparents either pay in full or contribute. At the right school, this is an amazing gift.

Bretzen · 13/02/2022 07:03

If your DC are in any way academic consider whether uni would be an option for them. If so then you either use their school years as time for you to save to support them through that or you ask GPs to make provision.

We had this choice and opted for a good state school. Both DC did very well and are now supported by us and by GPs at very good unis on super competitive courses which - if they had gone to an indie - would only have happened with painful scrimping and saving. We can now also support them on the myriad of unpaid internships that they are getting.

Lots of friends have sent their DC to very mediocre indies just for the segregation / small classes aspect and while I see that their school lives are still far from problem free. Lots of GP support within our local community.

I did just want to pick up on a point someone made about only getting one shot at education. That's not true. You can and should always review and adjust. You can supplement with extra curricular activities (you'd still have to pay for this at many indies), bring in tutors if they need help in a subject (and this happens in both sectors) and move schools if a school isn't working for your child. I don't think you get just one shot. But there we are.

wingingit33 · 13/02/2022 07:15

Yes my parents pay 75% of our fees which we are incredibly grateful for.

noworklifebalance · 13/02/2022 12:46

My parents (mum) pay one set of school fees (we have 2x DC).
They explicitly stated it wasn’t out of preference for one children but easier to pay one set than 50% of DC1 and 50% of DC2’s fees. Neither DC are aware.
The decision for them to pay came after the DCs started private school and the choice of schools were entirely are own. No strings attached or expectations. We can pay for both should/when they stop paying.
I suspect it’s for inheritance tax planning but I haven’t actually asked.

Ambrose01 · 29/04/2024 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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