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Original poster

Do grandparents pay your school fees?

96 replies

catamongsttheflowers · 19/01/2022 16:46

Is it quite common for GP to pay school fees? My parents are always offering to pay for my two DC to go to private school and I have resisted so far as it feels a step too far but am I denying my children a private education? We 100% cannot afford it but they absolutely can and say otherwise the money will just swallowed by inheritance tax and it is for the grandchildren rather than for me personally.
I myself went to private school - it seems a bit harsh to make them pay for it all over again! I went private and now can't afford private... I guess what I'm asking is how common is this arrangement?

OP posts:
samsalmon · 19/01/2022 17:45

No, we pay ourselves, both sets of our parents are very far from that kind of wealth/income bracket. I don’t know for sure but I do get the impression that some GPs pay/contribute at our school.

dafey · 19/01/2022 17:48

It's really common

toomuchlaundry · 19/01/2022 17:52

DS goes to private school, he has never been in any expensive trips. We could afford them but he just hasn’t been interested in them.

Second hand uniform is very common at private schools

GeorgiaGirl52 · 19/01/2022 17:56

Grandparents paid for DD1 and DD2. I paid for DS using my inheritance from my parents. You only get one shot at an education for your children so you should give them the best you can manage.

UpintNorth · 19/01/2022 17:58

Wow. A real eye opener. My kids - under 10 - have one remaining GP, who doesn’t even send birthday cards or anything for xmas. I didn’t realise what a huge different privilege makes…

DPotter · 19/01/2022 17:59

If Gps are dictating the school - no.

Maybe not quite so important at primary school but for secondary the child should have an input into the choice of school. It can be bad enough getting agreement between 2 parents and a child without the grandparents wanting a say, let alone a veto. If the child is to make the best of the investment there has to be a good fit between child and school.

Extra costs are important to plan out as well - again maybe not so much at primary level.

Basically if there are strings attached to a gift - don't accept the gift. You could ask them to fund music lessons, sports activities etc - but again the child and parent chooses

iloverunningslow · 19/01/2022 18:02

It sounds like your parents may be inheritance tax planning, at least as a factor.
Gifts made regularly and out of income, such as school fees, are totally exempt from inheritance tax.
If your parents have calculated that they have enough funds for themselves and what they want to do, and that their other assets over and above that will put them over the inheritance tax threshold, then school fees are a useful exemption. It also means they get the pleasure of seeing your children benefit from their gift while they are alive and well.
Does that seem like something they may be considering? Apart from that they disagree with private school, it's how my parents think and plan. They would be happy to discuss all the pros and cons of their plan openly with me though, is that something your parents would do?

GiltEdges · 19/01/2022 18:04

I wouldn't do it if GPs were dictating the school, that's basically bribery.

FIL has offered to pay DSs fees once he starts school in September but we've so far declined the offer. If he insists again closer to the time then we'll probably accept the money and use what we would have spent on fees to buy another property which DS can ultimately benefit from through rental income.

Motherdare · 19/01/2022 18:04

Well mine are at a private school and I had no idea this was a thing. Nobody I know talks about fees or how they pay them so maybe it does go on, discreetly.

LaBelleSausage · 19/01/2022 18:08

My parents have offered to pay fees if my children get into a private school.

I'm a single parent and couldn't afford to send them otherwise. They are currently 2 and 4 so my oldest has only just done the assessment and may not get in, in which case it won't be an issue.

It's incredibly generous and if both children get in I will try my hardest to get a job at the school (which reduces fees by 1/3) in order to show I am not taking their help for granted.

Totalwasteofpaper · 19/01/2022 18:08

@catamongsttheflowers

The school would be dictated by them but it isn't a bad choice.
A bad sign from the off! Wink

my family has form for using money as a form of control so personally, the only way I would accept it is if they were willing to transfer the full the 7 years upfront into an account in our name upfront.
Or set up a protected trust where it couldnt be revoked (if thats possible - not sure it is tbh)

BUT it's easy for me to have that approach as we are in a part of london with excellent state school options so have luxury of options/choice. If we didnt have that it would be VERY tempting...

Huntswomanonthemove · 19/01/2022 18:09

I would go for it like a shot. State education is an utter shambles.

GrazingSheep · 19/01/2022 18:16

The school would be dictated by them but it isn't a bad choice.

That’s very unfair. I would not be happy with that.

Original poster
catamongsttheflowers · 19/01/2022 18:20

The reason they would dictate the school is for practical reasons as well as it is where I went.

The one shot at education thing is what is really making me worry I am getting this all wrong by not taking them up on the offer

OP posts:
actiongirl1978 · 19/01/2022 18:21

I would go for it if you get to say which school.

It's a massively common thing for GPs to pay, though I've never heard of any dictating choice of school.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/01/2022 18:22

Have a proper discussion with them. See what else they can do re tax planning. Make it something you are all comfortable with. They aren't daft wanting to spend ahead of time and your kids should benefit frm it, if you can.

twinkie100 · 19/01/2022 18:27

I think it depends on your relationship with your parents. Your comment about the school being dictated by them is EXACTLY why I wouldn't do it. I just would feel like this is a slippery slope, and wouldn't want my parents to have so much control over my kids lives and our choices as a family.

However, every family dynamic is different! If you're comfortable - go for it.

twinkie100 · 19/01/2022 18:29

Oh! And bare in mind all the extra costs. I went to private school and the actual fees are only part of it - trips, extra curricular, even lifestyle of your kids friends.... it's a LOT to keep up with if that's not part of the financial deal.

Grinnypiggy · 19/01/2022 18:32

What happens if your parents think your kids aren't trying/studying hard enough? Do you think they'll start giving them a row about it? "Wasting our money" etc?
I'd be clear now about what level of involvement (control) you're happy with.

Totalwasteofpaper · 19/01/2022 18:52

@catamongsttheflowers

The reason they would dictate the school is for practical reasons as well as it is where I went.

The one shot at education thing is what is really making me worry I am getting this all wrong by not taking them up on the offer

I don't get this is...

Is the private school you would pick independent of any input?

Even so if you picked another better suited would they decline if so it doesn't bode well unfortunately...

QuizzicalEyebrows · 19/01/2022 19:00

I know people on the breadline claiming benefits on and off between ordinary jobs and the GP pay for private school because that's their background despite it not taking them very far in life

Snoopsnoggysnog · 19/01/2022 19:00

Why are they so keen on that particular school? Seems really odd.

Embracelife · 19/01/2022 19:09

What do you meanone shot?
If the school suits individually
Fine
But education is journey over many years and kids may need to mov e schools for whatever reason

There can be more than one shot

APileofLogs · 19/01/2022 19:16

Question 1 is whether you actually want dc to go to that school. Definitely think about the individual children, the specific school and what the other options are- it’s not necessarily the case that private is better. But if you’re happy with all that then I would accept.

WakeUpLockie · 19/01/2022 19:25

Just musing, will you then be expected to pay for your grandchildren’s education, or feel bad that you can’t? It has to end somewhere really. I was just thinking today about all the private school teachers I know who can’t afford to send their kids to their schools (100% of them obviously, even with the discounts). Something is iffy there IMO!