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Original poster

Do grandparents pay your school fees?

96 replies

catamongsttheflowers · 19/01/2022 16:46

Is it quite common for GP to pay school fees? My parents are always offering to pay for my two DC to go to private school and I have resisted so far as it feels a step too far but am I denying my children a private education? We 100% cannot afford it but they absolutely can and say otherwise the money will just swallowed by inheritance tax and it is for the grandchildren rather than for me personally.
I myself went to private school - it seems a bit harsh to make them pay for it all over again! I went private and now can't afford private... I guess what I'm asking is how common is this arrangement?

OP posts:
CrystalMaisie · 19/01/2022 19:27

I know of a few who did. Like suggested upthread, there was a trust set up. I’d want this as security that they could finish what they started, as I wouldn’t be able to pay if it stopped eg because of death, change of mind, change is circumstances.

Sheabutterisdelish · 19/01/2022 19:49

Mine did and it worked out well but no interference whatsoever and no input as to where they went.

erinaceus · 19/01/2022 20:03

Just to flag, in case you are concerned what might happen in the future, that many independent schools offer a "fees in advance" scheme by which you pay a lump sum for more than one term's fees, up to the whole amount for all of the time at the school. This usually attracts a small fee reduction. Depending on your and your parents' financial and practical situations it could be worth looking into this.

MintJulia · 19/01/2022 20:21

From your parent's point of view, they can pay their grand children's private school fees from their savings. It reduces the value of their estate and consequent inheritance tax. If they can afford it, it equals a 40% discount on school fee prices and can be seen as one of the best long term investments they can make.

It's down to which sort of school you want your children to attend.

DirtyDancing · 19/01/2022 21:02

I wish they did!

toomuchlaundry · 19/01/2022 22:26

Would you choose that school? Is it boarding or say? Does it suit your DC?

DS goes to private school, we chose it more for its pastoral care rather than the more academic but pushy other local private school

Hoppinggreen · 20/01/2022 08:56

@GrazingSheep

The school would be dictated by them but it isn't a bad choice.

That’s very unfair. I would not be happy with that.

Different schools suit different children. You should base school decisions on that rather than what the person paying dictates. Plus I think it indicates an overall attitude They pay, they “dictate”
Seeline · 20/01/2022 09:04

No way if they are dictating the school!

You need to choose a school that is the right fit for each child - those may be different schools, and may be a state school. That is your duty to your child. Just because you went there 30 years ago does not make it right for any of your DCs.

I also don't think it's fair on the DCs to feel in debt to their GPs. We made the choice to send our DCs private for secondary, and because it was our choice we have never brought up the cost of their education - we expect them to do their best, but beyond that, it's not their concern. Can you trust GPs to have that approach?

Toomuch2do · 20/01/2022 09:15

I would have bitten their hands off. Amazingly generous offer. A significant number of fees are paid by GPS at my DC’s school.

But I’m in the camp where my ‘D’P don’t even send my DC birthday cards (despite being very wealthy).

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 20/01/2022 15:01

@catamongsttheflowers

The reason they would dictate the school is for practical reasons as well as it is where I went.

The one shot at education thing is what is really making me worry I am getting this all wrong by not taking them up on the offer

I'd be really wary of this, from family experience. If you can, it's really important to try to find the right school for your kids. I have three, and they've all gone to different high schools.
ZZTopGuitarSolo · 20/01/2022 15:02

Another option might be to ask your parents to set aside money towards your kids going to university? My MIL did this, and it has been a godsend. It didn't cover it all but it did make a big difference.

irregularegular · 20/01/2022 15:05

Not relevant to the OP, but I cannot tell you how much I despise the words "inheritance tax planning". Inheritance tax is too low as it is.

singlenamestar · 20/01/2022 15:14

It's definitely a thing They even have "grandparents day" at some schools because of it

My pil paid for bil's dds (they are the oldest 2 of 9 gc) but haven't offered any more

Frankly given how little my nieces got out of it, I am not surprised they haven't offered.

Neither girl has anything of what i gained from Private education though I boarded and they are day pupils)

We are sending ours state and just boosting them with extra curricular elsewhere and crucially preparing them for the real world which I am not sure that private education does tbh

irregularegular · 20/01/2022 15:39

Go for it. It will go to the taxman when they die otherwise, and for what.

The NHS, state education, social care, pensions...among other things.

Cheshiresun · 20/01/2022 16:06

Ours don't. I don't know anyone where the GPs pay but maybe it's just not openly discussed. Not sure how I'd feel either if they did. We've always been so independent and asked for and expected nothing. They all have other grandchildren, so in our situation I don't see how it would be fair.

ButWhereDidTheWindComeFrom · 20/01/2022 16:10

It's really common at our school also. Many GPs want to support in that way it seems and fair enough if they have enough leftover to be able to support themselves as well. if there is any sense the money comes with strings attached vis a vis expectations of resutls or career or whatever then better to avoid IMO but if none of that applies then I would consider it.

immersivereader · 20/01/2022 16:11

Er, I'd bite their hand off?

immersivereader · 20/01/2022 16:11

Boomers and all that

DemBonesDemBones · 20/01/2022 16:12

I'd bite their hands off Grin

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 20/01/2022 16:15

Everyone I know with kids in private schools either has grandparent funding help (not necessarily all the fees but at least a significant contribution) OR works in a v high paying job with bonuses or high 6 figure + salary (private equity, top level law firm partner, investment bank, etc).

Katshouldnotswim · 20/01/2022 16:16

Is this a thing ?

We pay our own way and make our own choices. I’d hate to feel obliged to any sort of additional pressure.

I don’t know anyone whose grandparents parents pay, but there agiain maybe it’s not discussed openly, at least in my social circle it isn’t, I assume because they have professional occupations like outs they are capable of paying.

Nobody will ever ask you this in real life OP, it’s entirely up to you how you play this

Bunce1 · 20/01/2022 16:20

Ok- you cannot afford the fees yourself, so being devils advocate, how good is this school if you have not been successful enough to be of an income to accommodate this yourself?

DemBonesDemBones · 20/01/2022 16:32

@Bunce1 it's interesting you define success by how much money someone makes. Confused

BurningTheToast · 20/01/2022 16:47

GPs paid DS's fees from beginning of primary. He's at university now and gets a small monthly allowance from them. It's part of their inheritance tax planning, albeit one we very much appreciate. They didn't have a say in which school although we discussed it obviously.

Wideawakeandconfused · 20/01/2022 17:17

No, not for us, as I wouldn’t want anyone else to have a say in our children’s education (things have been offered with caveats previously). We don’t really discuss payment of fees with other friends so no idea what is the norm.