Are we ambitious enough? Will we regret it?

[Hoopa]

I am questioning myself. We have 3 DC and live in a lovely rural area. They have all gone to our local village primary school and generally thrived - the odd issue but when I look back I just see happy, thriving children who loved the experience and had lovely friends and a relaxed childhood. We decided to send them to the local comp and they are again, for the most, absolutely thriving. They have lovely groups of friends, are achieving academically, enjoy sports and do out of school activities that they have happily stuck with. All good right? But sometimes I question myself when I am around other people who have children at private schools or grammar schools. Am I missing something? Should we have pushed for more? We felt the school was good enough and happy and the older children we know there have gone on to good universities, but is there something I haven't realised and should have pushed for? Both DH and I went to private schools and it was ok, but we didn't feel that it was a perfect experience and we aren't massively high achieving although we have interesting careers, so we didn't feel a need to replicate what we had. But now I wonder if I will regret it one day and there is something I haven't realised! When I am with friends whose children go to private school or grammar school, all our DC seem the same, but maybe they aren't to other people! Am I letting my children down by being too relaxed?
We could rejig our finances and pay for private school (although then we couldn't give them a house deposit as we are getting near to be being mortgage free so I imagined we would do this one day.) Or we could try and move them to a grammar ( they are all in top sets so I think they would get in if there was room of course) but that would be a long commute.
Should I stick with my gut which is that a happy local school is good enough, or should I up my ambition levels?

Ousted inspect state comps. There is accountability. Plus parents can be governors. They should take an interest and hold the schools account. Governors should not be passive onlookers.

Your children sound like they're doing well and are happy where they are.

Private school doesn't automatically mean a great education. I know several adults who's parents spent ££s on their education who achieved very little. And some who's parents spent very little who achieved plenty!

Students from all backgrounds are together at university. If your children arrive there without stress and ££S spent by you, I'd say that is a great result.

It sounds fine to me. If you’re pushing your DC at home and value education, then your DC are in a good place.

Plus tutors will give them an edge over their classmates, but it will be off the radar when it comes to university admissions. DC from a state school will be viewed more favourably than a DC whose DP obviously paid for their education.

Oh gosh yes presenting but like our primary, the governers are hand in fist with the Head. It's all very incestuous and there is a a firm no comment or even slight negative comment policy.

There isn't that much a parent governor can do if the school isn't open to communications and feedback, and has no "will" to tackle certain issues.

Infact one lady has a dd with sen so she became a governor and its done f all because there is no will to assist in this area.

Like some places are non negotiable with bullying, they crack down on it immediately, make it a huge deal and other places don't care about it at all and therefore struggle.

Unfortunately with some comps it's all locals have so they will always have "customers" not so with grammars or private school

Governors who are parents are not troubleshooters for aggrieved parents. They do bring special knowledge to the GB and should hold the school to account by ensuring policies are working and the children make progress. If governors are mates with the head, they find it difficult to set objectives and ensure the head’s performance management is rigorous. There is a lot governors can do but they need to understand their role and what school improvement looks like. It is an important role.

@Puttingouthefirewithgasoline
I am so sorry that your local school hasn't turned out as you wished, I think that if we could have a crystal ball we could forsee these issues! Let us hope that the grammar school can be better with SEN and more caring and that she quickly feels at home there and adapts to her new life. I think every single child experiences a school differently and you just cannot tell if a school won't suit your child until they are there - the best schools in the world don't suit everyone. On paper I should have been very happy at my boarding school, it offered the world and more - but I found the other pupils so different to me, so money orientated, and with rather wild London (and abroad) lives that I just hadn't experienced. The bullying was so much more manipulative, low level and dynamic than I had experienced at my other private school and the school did not deal with it at all.
Horses for courses as they say!

God if they are happy and achieving keep on keeping on! That is a precious thing for teens not to be underrated.

But then dh and I are both state educated (rural comps) and got too City jobs (that we walked away from ha😁) so I can’t help but think private school can be smoke and mirrors. Would only consider it if I had an unhappy child in state

@Bluntness100
Your analogy re fishing is incredibly simplistic.
a) private school costs a bomb but guarantees nothing
b) your implication that state schools teach nothing is a little offensive

DCs won't know what is ambitiousness (but we know). They will lead a life that we chose and managed for them, for at least a few years. Will there be a day that we regret that we did not try to give them some other opportunity? Will they feel sad one day because we did not tell them the brutality of the world but gave them a too nice cocoon?
I share the feeling as these are all questions for me as well.

No! They will be grateful for it. Mental health issues are on the rise where children worry and care too much. At least let them work our life for themselves when they are old enough. Parenting isn’t about sharing brutality. If anything it’s about sharing beauty and love. Why make children worry? Not all adults worry either. Let them be who they want to be and if they blame you for shielding them, well, they are being harsh.