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Original poster

Competitive parenting nightmare

143 replies

lilylove · 05/11/2007 21:57

My five year old daughter has come back from a playdate and told me the mother gave her a spelling test! I had my doubts about this woman who because my daughter is bright, regards her as a rival for the private school place she wants for her own daughter when they have to take their 7plus exams at the end of their current school.
I am so angry I could scream. Any thoughts on how I should handle this - and any other similar experiences. Is this an isolated experience?

OP posts:

Lmccrean · 05/11/2007 21:59

could they maybe have just been playing a game? I play I spy using jolly phonics with my dd and her friend of same age. Its not a competition, its just a bit of fun (and they love it)

colditz · 05/11/2007 22:02

Train her to say "My mummy says I am not allowed to do spelling tests for other mummies because it's spiteful and childish"

virgo · 05/11/2007 22:04

LMcream - it sounds completely innocent but you have to be so careful - other parents might not see it in that light - think your game is quite different to a spelling test tho'

DesiderSparkler · 05/11/2007 22:06

Lily, are you saying that there is only one place, and your dd and the other girl are both vying for it?

seeker · 05/11/2007 22:15

Easy. Don't bother with the private school and let her stay with her friends at the school she's at now.

Desiderata · 05/11/2007 22:16

I agree with Seeker. Let the other girl take the private school place.

Original poster

lilylove · 05/11/2007 22:40

The test she gave them was the school spelling test they have to revise for each week.
I am sure if I confronted the mum she would say its a game - but I wouldn't believe it from her.
Basically the school ends at seven - so I don't have a choice for my daughter to stay. She has to get a place somewhere.
Two places usually go to children from my daughter's school - one to a boy and one to a girl, so effectively I think this mother probably thinks my daughter is a threat to her girl getting a place.

OP posts:

inthegutter · 05/11/2007 22:40

If this woman is the kind of parent who'll be at the private school are you sure you want your daughter to go there?

ingles2 · 05/11/2007 22:46

Are you sure you're not being paranoid lilylove..? When my boys friends come over for tea I quite frequently do their spelling tests whilst they eat their dinner...1/ it's got to be done...2/ they enjoy the competition... 3/it keeps them sitting and eating.. I don't really pay any attention to how the friend is doing I'm more concerned with if they've eaten their broccoli!

seeker · 05/11/2007 22:47

Nearest primary school. 7 is too young for competitive exams. 11 is too young for competitive exams, but that's another story.

morocco · 05/11/2007 22:53

do you think she gave her incorrect spellings then or something? how would it benefit her daughter and not yours? bit baffled by all this.

Orinoco · 05/11/2007 22:55

Message withdrawn

ingles2 · 05/11/2007 22:57

I am too.....Actually why is it a problem your dd did her homework at friends house? Surely it's got to be done..
Who cares if she got them all right or none right at the friends house. What does her PD mum opinion matter?
You could make a big deal of this I suppose, but then you can't choose your dd's friends and you might just ostracise her.

ingles2 · 05/11/2007 23:06

I'm going to leave this thread now because if I'm honest I think Lilylove is the competitive parent.!
If my Ds's came home from a PD saying they'd done a spelling test I think....bl**dy fantastic..homework done!

Original poster

lilylove · 05/11/2007 23:09

It's not homework! They were on half-term !!

OP posts:

Sazisi · 05/11/2007 23:11

I've often helped DD1's friends with spelling revision as part of their homework when they've been here on a schoolnight. I have no ulterior motive; it's what I do with my DD (and what the school expects of parents) so I do the same for children in my care.
I think this could be totally innocent

Sazisi · 05/11/2007 23:11

shimmy · 05/11/2007 23:15

Am I the only one here who agrees with Lilylove that this is competitive to the point of madness?

How on earth can you be jumping on lily as the competitive one here? The woman tested visiting 5 yr old dd on a supposed playdate fgs. That is not normal,is it? Surely someone else agrees that that is not OK??!!

Sazisi · 05/11/2007 23:20

Sorry, I've a really slow connection tonight, and hadn't read your last post Lily; if it wasn't even a school night, that's just totally nuts I#d be annoyed too

Desiderata · 05/11/2007 23:20

lol, I agree with ingles. Lily, love , are you sure it's not you who's just a tad competitive here?

Loshad · 05/11/2007 23:23

I'm with you shimmy, the other parent is hopelessly overcompetitive. not on at all to do spelling tests with visiting children

Original poster

lilylove · 05/11/2007 23:43

I hardly know the other mum by the way...which is why I felt she overstepped the mark.
I do have a mum friend who is very close to my daughter and I did not mind her reading with both our kids - but giving a spelling test to a child you hardly know seems very inappropriate to me.

OP posts:

ingles2 · 06/11/2007 00:01

"Overstepped the mark" ... "inappropriate"... because this lady might or might not have asked your dd a couple of spellings!!!!! OFGS!!!!!!!! Maybe she beat them with a cane when they got one wrong!!!!!!!!

Kalooooooooooooooooooo20 · 06/11/2007 00:10

lol - forget it. I do spelling with all children in my car, dd and ds love it + love the competition when they have a friend with them. We all do addition, simple subtraction and chant tables in the car most days.

Wouldn't occur to me as the other mother that it was vindictive or inappropriate.

I must add have 1 child with very poor reading and spelling so this is in no way competitive, just reinforcement to help him) Maths done to counterbalance as his mental maths is far better than 1 year older sibling.

Take a deep breathe LL and R E L A X

EricL · 06/11/2007 00:17

Invite her child over to play and give the two of them boxing gloves and send the wee shite home in a blur of snot, tears and blood.

That'll teach her eh?

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