Weekly Boarding Prep School

[Fr0thandBubble]

I’m looking for a weekly boarding prep school for DS, who is about to turn 7.

I’m looking for somewhere nurturing mainly. DS has a diagnosis of autism, although it’s very mild and he’s just a little bit quirky really, and perhaps his concentration isn’t quite as good as it might otherwise be. He’s not brilliant at sport either although always happy to give things a try. Basically, he doesn’t need any special educational needs provision but a hothouse which focuses on getting children into the likes of Eton, etc., probably isn’t for him.

Location-wise, anywhere within 2 hours of SW London would work.

Any ideas would be much appreciated!

I used to be a parent at a public school that took boarders from the age of 6. At one point there was only one boy under the age of 11. It was heartbreaking to witness, especially bad as his parents were foreign diplomats and so he (at this point he was the same age as your son) spent every weekend with only a woman in her 50s (his housemother) to keep him company.

There were huge levels of emotional problems amongst the boarders, more than at any state school I worked at.

I honestly think it is a dreadful thing to do to a small child to send them to board, especially an autistic child in a mainstream school. I couldn't for the life of me why the little boy mentioned above wasn't just sent to an international school in his home country with a nanny to look after him when his parents were travelling. It was unspeakably cruel towards him.

If you are insistent on sending your son to boarding school, wait until he's 11.

That should say I was a house parent, not a parent!

@user1573334 I take offence at that. How dare you call me a cold-hearted parent? You know nothing about me. I’m trying to do the best for my child, and believe me I have done that from day 1, and it’s not been easy. You will never know the lengths I have gone to and will go to for him.

I thought boarding school might really help him, it was an idea I’ve had recently, encouraged by my husband who boarded from 8 and loved it. I’ve taken on board the advice I’ve been given on here and already said I have decided to wait until he is 11. If it turns out it’s better for him not to board at all, then he won’t.

There is absolutely nothing cold-hearted about me, believe me.

What is it specifically about living away from home to go to school at a young age that you think might help him? Genuine question, so we can maybe help suggest some alternatives that wouldn't be as emotionally damaging for him.

I would keep him where he is until 11 but see if he can go to s prep for 11-13. This paves the way to many boarding schools. They don’t take DC at 11 anyway. They wait until they are more mature at 13. It’s the best way.

11 is still not in any way acceptable. Of course you are offended. Good. I wish someone had spoken up for me before I was sent away to boarding school, at 11. I am speaking for your son.

OP, you're getting a hard time.

My brother went weekly boarding to a special school (I have no idea if they still call them that) at about your sons age. He loved it, and it brought him on leaps and bounds, that the local schools and family just couldn't do (we didn't have 1/4 of the equipment for a start). He came home for secondary, and didn't progress half as well.

My son is dyspraxic, but following lots of OT and work at home, with strategies and workarounds, he only just qualifies for diagnosis 4 years after his original diagnosis (different countries, so having to have him re-assessed). We're looking at him going boarding for secondary, because we think it would fit him very well (not his younger brother, who I don't think would cope) - he loves routine, he's not fussed about home life etc.

If you think it's right for your son, you may well be right - don't discount it because what a load of people on MN say who don't know you, or your son.

user it is a shame that you had such a negative experience. I boarded from 11 and had an amazing experience. I had places at both day and boarding schools, and actively chose to board. I enjoyed the independence and freedom it gave me, to be away from home and in a town rather than stuck rurally with no one but my parents for company. I coped much better at uni than most of my peers who had hardly had a night away from home, let alone the independence I had. Every child is different and it is up to the parents to work out what is right for their child.

Just because you had a shit time, it does not give you the right to decide to cause offence to the OP. You are not speaking for her son, you are speaking for your 11 year old self who was not listened to by her parents. You can make your point without being an arse about it. Especially given that she has already backtracked from her starting position.

Executive function and processing speed are among things that are tested for if a child needs extra time in exams or doesn't appear to take things on board in the same way as their age peers.

www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/executive-functioning-issues/understanding-executive-functioning-issues

www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/information-processing-issues/processing-speed-what-you-need-to-know

ABA is a controversial therapy in the UK.

Please study the group of behaviours that are being called Boarding School Syndrome associated with childhood abandonment and the trauma associated with it. It all stems from work done, books written and documentaries written by Nick Duffell. A lifelong inability to trust others, self hatred unsurprising assumption that you were unlovable in some way, depression, risk of abuse, etc - all perfectly realistic consequences of childhood abandonment to strangers no matter how kind they may seem. Just for an apparent leg up the greasy pole? You don’t hear of we failures of the system - my alcoholic friends, those who never recovered, never worked, never connected with a partner, died of drug addiction etc. We all know them.

I too think weekly boarding at age 8 is too much. But a little flexi boarding in a nice prep school may work. My children have done 1 or 2 nights a term from that age mostly to facilitate me working.

Have you looked at private preps near to you?

I think boarding suits some children but mostly from age 13 onwards and it is definitely not for all children. If I was going to put a child into weekly boarding I would also make sure the school had the majority of the pupils doing that.

@BlankTimes Thanks, very helpful, I’ll take a look.

The ABA DS had was a watered down version - it was a mixture of ABA and SCERTS really, from the age of 2-5. I think it made a big difference. ABA these days is very different from the original version - I wouldn’t say it’s controversial nowadays.

@vixanddiz But there are so many people who boarded and don’t have issues. And, conversely, so many people who didn’t board and do have issues.

My DH boarded from age 8 as did all his siblings and cousins, and you couldn’t hope to meet more rounded, decent, uncomplicated, happy people. They loved it. I do think it has to suit the child and be the right place but get those things right and I think it can be great.

I personally went to a pretty rough comp all the way through and that’s no easy ride either.

I don't want to stick my neck out here but in defense of OP, weekly boarding can be enjoyable for 8 year olds, several of my DC do it happily - but I think it works best when parents are available to take an active part in school activities, watch (weekly) games and performances, live less than 1 hour away and even are on stand bye to bring in forgotten sport kit/homework, and even do drop off/pick up for weekday birthday parties/play dates with day pupils. So being a boarder's parent can in my experience be a full time job and can mean spending almost more time with DC then if they stayed home! On this basis I could recommend Brockhurst and Horris Hill near Newbury. Both send to a variety of senior schools,.including the big names like Eton, Winchester, Harrow and Radley,.but do equally well with ds who need more support. Brockhurst has it's own learning support centre, and Horris Hill,.while amazing for very academic kids,.is equally amazing with children who struggle academically (boys are moved upwards in the curriculum whenever they are ready, not simply by age). Less academic senior destinations from these schools would be Pangbourne or Shiplake (which offer Btec) or, if aiming for A levels, Stowe and Bradfield.

Several of DC friends! do it - sorry, I don't have that many dc!

And I wouldn't worry about finding a place for your ds at 11 If you are still keen for him to board, loads of country boarding preps will have spaces, as even the very good ones are struggling to fill their classes outside of London/Oxford.

@Nellybarney Thanks, that’s reassuring to know.

"it was an idea I’ve had recently, encouraged by my husband who boarded from 8 and loved it."

I think that is the worst reason of all. Your son isn't your husband. Your husband hasn't been diagnosed with autism.

You must do what is best for your son. Just because your husband liked boarding isn't necessarily what will be the best for him.

Walhampton in Lymington might meet your criteria, they do a service from London Waterloo.

www.walhampton.com/boarding-school/weekly-boarding-london-families

OP I get your thought process but 8 is too young for the vast majority. I boarded at 8 and was pretty sad, though I got used to it. Boarded later on and loved it. I think Yr 7/8 may be a good time to start for some, but Yr 9 and up is optimal in my view. However it is horses for courses. As a PP said, there are some lovely preps just outside London that lay on bus services from SW London. You could maybe move him to one of those in the next year or two and then introduce a day or two a week staying over when he's 10/11. Woodcote House is particularly good at this I understand. Also Feltonfleet. Ignore the personal insults would be my advice.

@vanillasugarr

i have kids in both boarding and day school. there are as many children in the day school with "real problems" as there are in the boarding schools (prep or senior). why oh why do people think it is ok to pass judgment and bully other posters about boarding schools. how on earth would people react if i went on a state school thread and vilified state schools because of their relative lack of resources. keep your hate to yourself please - this is an extremely complicated, personal topic and no one has the right or knowledge to pass simple judgment like you are.

Hello @Fr0thandBubble,
I have recent experience of a boys boarding prep , my son has now moved on to senior school. Our experience was not a happy one and I would think very carefully before you decide to send your son (even at 11). Boarding at senior school is a completely different and my son wouldn't have it any other way.

The pastoral care in our case at least was very poor. Your son sounds like a wonderful little boy and unless he is a certain type (god forbid) he could end being very unhappy. It will have a lasting effect on your family.

Good luck , I hope you find the right school for you son. x

If you are looking for somewhere nurturing then keep him at home, having boarded from age 9 that is one thing that is lacking at a boarding school - the love and attachment of having a parent is not present, especially for young boarders and what you have to learn to live without.

Actually, my DD was at boarding school so I am not passing judgement. Both my children have been / are independently educated so I don’t know why you think I am spreading hate for independent schools. DD chose to board when she was ready.