Weekly Boarding Prep School

[Fr0thandBubble]

I’m looking for a weekly boarding prep school for DS, who is about to turn 7.

I’m looking for somewhere nurturing mainly. DS has a diagnosis of autism, although it’s very mild and he’s just a little bit quirky really, and perhaps his concentration isn’t quite as good as it might otherwise be. He’s not brilliant at sport either although always happy to give things a try. Basically, he doesn’t need any special educational needs provision but a hothouse which focuses on getting children into the likes of Eton, etc., probably isn’t for him.

Location-wise, anywhere within 2 hours of SW London would work.

Any ideas would be much appreciated!

Are there any prep boarding schools which still take 7 year olds? Most start at 8 and even then there are miniscule numbers of 8 year old boarders. They are either at a handful of competitive preps where parents ( usually overseas parents) wrongly think they have to start at 8 to get into Eton etc or at choir schools.

There are a few 8 year old boarders elsewhere - there for family reasons ( eg parents or siblings ill) but most now start at 10 or 11.

The child you describe is unlikely to be a good fit at a boarding school. Have you looked at other solutions eg au pair?

@antguaguate Sorry I wasn’t clear - we’d be looking for him to board from age 8 (so Year 4).

Why do you say he doesn’t sound like a good fit for boarding school? He’s pretty outgoing and is getting on well in Year 2 at his local state primary. Not setting the world alight but meeting all the various key stage targets and getting on well with his classmates etc.

My husband boarded from age 8 and we just think DS might get quite a lot out of it. We’re in London and the London prep day schools are very competitive and we’re not sure they would be right for DS (even if he got in). We’d rather he be weekly boarding in a prep school in the country.

As someone who's had an older child board I would say please carefully consider whether this is best for your son. There must be an acceptable day school somewhere. The potential damage from boarding is huge.

Do you have the option to move outside London, even a little, as that would open up day prep schools of which there is significantly more choice. Where do you hope to send him for secondary?

OP

www.isc.co.uk/media/5479/isc_census_2019_report.pdf

This shows you that there was a total of 293 8 year old boy boarders in ISC schools in UK last year. Boarder is defined as a child who has boarded at some time during the spring term so numbers are inflated as they include flexiboarders. This includes children who do just one overnight sleep over in the term.Weekly and full numbers will be much lower and concentrated in preps like Sunningdale, Ludgrove, Cothill, Summerfields who are preparing for the most competitive schools or the boarding choir schools.

If your DS goes to any other boarding prep as an 8 year old he will not have any friends in the boarding house. All the other boarders will be older (10+ 11+ ) and a year is hugely important at this age. Even a robust, sporty child will be unhappy in these circumstances but I would think it would be a nightmare for a sensitive, non sporty child. Schools will lie to you about boarding numbers but you can see the real situation for yourself via the ISC figures.

Not sure exactly where you are in London but why not look at some of the less competitive SW London day schools eg, Claremont Fan Court, Harrodian. You could also look at Royal Russell or Woodcote House (who do a daily bus from London) He could start as a day student and then move to boarding later on if he wanted to.

@Antguaguate Thanks that’s very helpful. We actually went to see The Dragon School recently but it would not be the right place for him. We are in no way aiming to get him into a top public school and I felt like that is what the Dragon does. And I wouldn’t want him boarding full time at such a young age.

I’ll take a look at the other schools you mentioned. The other option is for him to stay where he is until age 11 and then board. He’s at an excellent state primary but I’m just worried it might be harder to get into a private school age 11 than it would be age 8 and he might be left behind. I got a bit of a shock when I saw what 8 year olds are doing at the Dragon - and all the opportunities they have - and as good as his current state school is it just can’t compete with that.

Have confidence in your parenting. Parental nurturing is worth a huge amount of extra activities/experiences at that age.

I posted the link to this school where my DC attended the other day under this name change, so I’ll post it again here BUT as @AntguaGuate has already said, even in a school that offers boarding the uptake at that age is (rightly!) so small! Currently some year 4 kids board 2 nights a week. Why are you so keen for your Ds to weekly board from such a young age?! (And i say this as someone who let her dc board once a week, and who attended boarding school herself)

Ludgrove, Berkshire or Sunningdale

Farleigh School perhaps?

I think you need to research ASD children and the teenage years. He sounds unpressurised at school and so he seems like he has "mild" autism. ASD children can have terrible anxiety especially in their teenage years I really don't think boarding would suit most unless it was a specialist school such as More House. I have a ASD child only diagnosed in his preteen years and I would say he looks more ASD as he gets older not less. Senior independent schools like the highly gifted non disruptive autistic children. Less high achieving not so much as they can potentially have a lot of issues at school both academically and socially.

Boarding is tough. The house staff claim to be nurturing, and in their minds they are, but there is no substitute for family. DS is a day boy in a boarding school and one boy arrived, aged 10, cried for 6 months until his mother moved nearer to the school and he is now a day boy. The school has also a few SEN boarders and they have not coped well.

I’m all for boarding school but not at 8, please!! DS’s school is one that you will have heard of. The children who have arrived from primary school have no clear disadvantage from those who went through the prep schools to age 11. The ones who arrive at 13+, having boarded from 8, are the ones with the real problems.

Please wait until 11!

Handcross Park
Cottesmore
Hurstpierpoint College
Ardingly College

I would suggest moving him in as a day pupil and flexi boarding one day a week before putting him in full time. Sending him to board all week at a new school is a big adjustment that most children would struggle with.

Belmont has a range of boarding options including weekly - www.belmont-school.org/boarding

Consider Bruern Abbey school, as it says on its home page it's a unique boarding and day prep school. The school bus takes the ds to and from London on a weekly basis.
The fees are high but your ds could join at 9 or 10 as well as 11.
Personally it sounds like your ds would be happier at home and at his primary school.

So you are looking for a through school if you plan for him to move at 8, to make it easier than age 11?

What about LVS Ascot? Is supposed to be excellent for those with additional learning needs and quirky learners. Goes through to 18 and is non-selective.

Still not convinced that boarding is right for 8 year olds except under some exceptional circumstances or for an occasional flexi night. But each to their own, I guess.

What about www.lockerspark.herts.sch.uk/boarding-school/

I have absolutely ni idea what it's like but dc did a holiday course there and it aeemed nice surroundings

Sorry, hit post instead of preview and couldn't correct
It fits in your geographical location and seems to be v flexible re boarding.

Try Wycliffe College

Realistically any boarding school no matter how good, is unlikely to provide a nurturing environment for your child particularly at the age of 8, I hope you will be able to think again

Thanks so much everyone for your help. I’m going to take a look at all the schools that have been suggested but I think I have been convinced to keep him where he is until age 11. His state school really is good and we can use the money we’re saving in school fees for tutoring and extra sports and music lessons, etc. I think we’ll have much more of an idea of the best place for him at age 11 and if he can’t get into a private school at 11 with the extra tutoring etc, then private school is probably not going to be the right choice for him age 8, either.

I feel a bit relieved with that decision which means it’s probably the right one!

I'm really pleased to hear this OP 😀

DS has a diagnosis of autism, although it’s very mild

There is no such thing as mild autism, you need to do a lot of reading around the subject, as it appears you've failed to understand that for a child or adult to be diagnosed, they have to have had persistent difficulties with social communication and social interaction and restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviours, activities or interests since early childhood, to the extent that these "limit and impair everyday functioning Source NAS www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/children.aspx

You may not experience his autistic traits and behaviours much at the moment, so you think his autism is "mild" but as soon as you remove him from his current situation and and put him in an alien environment where he has neither the familiarity of his own school and his own home for 5 days out of 7 every week I think you are expecting far too much if you think it will be easy or beneficial for him. A major transition like that at such a young age would be difficult for an NT child to adapt to.

Does the proposed prep school welcome autistic pupils? Do they have any provision for autistic pupils or pupils with other AN?
Is it a CRESTED school?

Have a look at this article, written by an autistic adult whose doctor inferred he has "mild" autism.

"My doctor recently referred to my autism is “mild.” I gently pointed to my psychologist’s report which stated that my executive dysfunction as being greater than 99th percentile.
“That means I am less functional than 99% of people. Does that seem mild to you?” I asked her.
But, you see, I can speak, and I can look people in the eyes, so they see my autism as “mild.” My autism affects those around me mildly but my autism does affect me severely
theaspergian.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/
At your son's age, it's unlikely that he'd be able to verbalise that.

Also, he's of an age where his hormones will soon be all over the place as puberty starts, so that's another reason not to disrupt his school and home life to a vast extent and expect him to cope.

So many schools are not suitable for autistic pupils, you infer he's happy where he is. Why open Pandora's Box?

@blanktimes Thanks, that’s interesting, I hadn’t heard of executive dysfunction before.

DS was diagnosed at 18 months, so it’s hard to say what areas in particular he struggles with. He’s done an awful lot better than the prognosis we were given at the time. We were told told by his old ABA consultant a couple of years ago that he wouldn’t qualify for a diagnosis anymore but I know there is something “different” about him and his teachers recognise that too, although he’s doing fine with no additional support and certainly wouldn’t qualify for an EHCP or anything.

But I think you’re right that we need him at home with us for a lot longer so we can see how he copes as things get more complicated at school, both academically and socially.