First in the family to go to private school

[Cantsleeppast3am]

Hi, I'm in the very fortunate position to be able to send my dd to prep school. She'll be starting reception 2020.

We are a very working class family, no one has even been to university and I'm starting to be a bit concerned about how it all works, I literally know nothing.

I don't really know what I'm asking but I'm just trying to get the very best I can for my child.
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Exactly, what are you asking?

It will be a first for a lot of people starting if it’s their oldest child. Private schools are different from each other too. Just expect to be totally confused first few weeks. I was! I didn’t go to school in this country and had no idea how it worked - never had to buy a uniform or anything. Then we moved schools and totally new again! They’ll have stuff set up to introduce you to the school/teachers etc. Just be sure to go to everything and don’t be afraid to ask! The receptionist is a good place to start.

Experience of people in the same position, how things work, I'm not sure!

Just what the real difference is between private and state, advantages and disadvantages.

Why are you sending her to private school if you don't know what the advantages are

I've no experience! I can make an educated guess at the advantages, just wanted peoples experience coming from the same background!

Really no need for facetious comments.

But you must have an idea? Visited the prep/pre-prep, and compared to your visit to your local state school?

All schools are different - you can't generalise and say private schools do a, b and c and state do x, y and z. They're all different - some schools, private and state, are hot houses of pressure, others far more relaxed. Personally I don't think there's any advantage in primary, certainly infant age.

You said you want to know how things work - what sort of things?

At reception age I don’t think there is an advantage.

Very much depends on both the child and the school, Private is not better than State in all cases
We had a good State Primary available so went for that and then Private for Secondary ( State Secondary option not good).
For us it was the right choice - dd was much more mature and streetwise than her peers who had been at the school since age 3 when she joined in Y7. She had been at a good school with a mixture of people and still has a lot of friends outside the school, which isn’t the case for quite a few of them who have been there much longer - they are very much in a bubble.
As for being working class again it depends on the school, at DD’s school nobody would care, we are in Yorkshire so no oligarchs or bankers, mostly business people, Doctors, solicitors, teachers etc. Dd has some very wealthy friends as well as some like us and some who struggle with fees and they all just muck in together

Again I'm in a really good situation in that the secondary education is grammar, I'm not in catchment for the primary's so it's either state schools which are ok or prep.
I don't really want my dd to go to a primary then try to move her later, I'd rather she starts as we go on in making friends etc

Hopping green you've summed it up
In that I'm concerned about her being streetwise or in a bubble especially as the school I've picked is all girls.

I don't understand why you're posting at all

OP, a school is a school. It's there for the benefit of your child. I wouldn't dwell too much on your background as I don't think it's relevant really.

In terms of being 'worth it', what is it that you're expecting?

At reception/key stage 1 level , what we paid for was small classes with more individual attention and classes which did not have teachers preoccupied with the very poorly behaved children. Having friends who teach state reception describe classes with one or two very sadly completely neglected kids which disrupted the entire learning and playing environment (and were nearly impossible to help adequately in a class of 30) definitely influenced this decision. Some of that could be achieved by ensuring you live in the catchment for an excellent school and some people choose to spend their money on a house in the perfect catchment for similar reasons .....
At my kids’ school, background of kids is reasonably broad - some rich, some saving hard, some professionals, some self made small/bigger businesses, some inherited/grandparents funding. Some parents are ex private school and some first time buyers. Most have better cars than we do though 😂 One common factor is that the parents are all pretty engaged in the kids education- everyone listens to their child read daily, reading books are changed daily and of course the parent reads to the child daily as well, homework is always done etc There are dyslexics and some non severe other extra needs but there is a some selection via the attached nursery or pre reception assessment. They won’t take the odd very poorly behaved child, very poorly verbal, not toilet trained (odd accident is fine). This allows for a pacier academic environment but the attraction of this particular school is at least in part that it gets great grammar results so is obviously pitched at that. Not as good facilities as you would expect for the money but some absolutely outstanding teachers who have less beaurocracy to deal with and less kids which perhaps makes them a bit less stressed and more able to tailor to the kids needs - although I guess the parents can be tough customers 😂

Ok - so now you've said you're in a grammar area - does the prep actually prepare for that specific grammar tests? Many preps prepare for 13+, common entrance or entrance exams to their usual feeder school rather than the state grammar. Check!

I’m not really sure what you’re asking. If you’ve already made up your mind to send her then you must believe that it’s worth it otherwise why bother?

In terms of ‘how it all works’ in my experience it’s just like sending a child to any other school really only I get an invoice every term.

Yes it does, that being the whole point! It's heavily linked to the grammar, again as pp have said it does depend the child, at 3 I don't have that much to go on!

Bythebeach thank you, you have answered my questions

So if she fails the 11+ can you pay for private secondary?

I personally don't see the merit in sending young children private and think you should spend the money on private secondary education? Unless your local state primaries are in special measures or something!

I was the only child from a solid working class background to go to private secondary school whilst siblings went to local state schools and the difference was significant- from what I saw at the private junior school compared to my state primary there was virtually no difference or benefit and actually going to a "normal" school until 11 meant I was a lot more grounded than those that I met at secondary who had been privately educated from age 3

No titchy I can't and if she does fail after prep than it's obviously not right for her is it?? This is about what's best for a child not grammar school at all odds.

I don't know why you are getting such a hard time op!!🤷‍♀️

I would go round and check out the local primary and private schools see which one you like the feel of. My DD is starting private reception in September but my second choice would have probably been a state one.

Advantages:
-13 in her class instead of 40 at one school and 30 across 3 year groups at another.
-Much nicer physical learning environment (class rooms etc)
-Better sports facilities etc.
-Having funding to support a range of academic and extra curricular stuff
-Want her to be in private secondary so this way won't have to move / take entry exams
-For further down the line all the above but also want her to be friends with folks who are more likely to be interested in gaining a successful education than smoking behind the bike sheds (like at my school!). Some people will say it doesn't make a difference but I think it does.

Disadvantages
Have to pay
Quite far from my house

I’d agree with everything titchy says. We started at state and moved because 1 child was unhappy and bored and the other was in a class of 32 with several special needs. The sets of parents between the 2 schools were like chalk and cheese. Huge mix and surprisingly (for the area) uninterested in children’s education at the state. Pretty much universally invested at the private. A few at the private who have made huge sacrifices to send their DC there. You do need to be comfortable mixing with mega rich people at a private school- the cars, houses, holidays. We certainly aren’t struggling, but some of the money is insane.
And can you afford to go all the way through if your DC doesn’t pass the 11+?. With fee increases and inflation you are looking at £250k to put one child through a private school from 4-18. Your OP seems a little flippant.......surely you have considered all your options?

Is this a selective private school that only allows kids to continue based on exam results? If so I could understand why they might offer better preparation for grammar schools / better selective private schools. If not I don’t see the value as you will need to pay for a tutor anyway.

No titchy I can't and if she does fail after prep than it's obviously not right for her is it?? This is about what's best for a child not grammar school at all odds.

Then it may be best to rethink. Private at primary level is pretty much a waste of money. But if your child fails the 11+ and you can pay for a private secondary you may well tip the scales back in her favour.

I wouldn't say that a prep school is a waste of money.

However, if you've got an excellent state primary and you aspire to your daughter going to a grammar school, then the state primary could be a good option. Just make sure you do things at home with her, get her a good tutor etc You'll save £££

I suspect quite a few PP don't have children at prep schools!

We've done both state and prep (several schools) for primary and even the rubbish prep that my daughter went to for pre-prep was significantly better than the state school. Our not-so-good prep has a new head starting soon.

Class sizes are smaller
Extra-curricular opportunities are significantly better, our prep schools had swimming schools, playing fields, art studios, DT labs and spent less time in the classroom doing English and maths - but were at a higher level due to the better teaching and smaller class sizes.
Teachers are less overworked and more bought-in to the school. Private schools find it easier to sack poor teachers.
SEN provision is better our local schools have a team of SENCOs.
I also like the longer holidays, this is balanced though with longer school days and often very good pre and after school care.

Many preps don't prepare for the 11+, so you do still need to do a bit of tutoring - although I did it myself with DS.
You also don't know at this stage if they're suitable for a grammar school. We've had a couple of children go from the boys prep to the local comprehensive recently and they found the change really difficult.

Oh and no-one in my family has been to private school before.