First in the family to go to private school

[Cantsleeppast3am]

Hi, I'm in the very fortunate position to be able to send my dd to prep school. She'll be starting reception 2020.

We are a very working class family, no one has even been to university and I'm starting to be a bit concerned about how it all works, I literally know nothing.

I don't really know what I'm asking but I'm just trying to get the very best I can for my child.
I

Thank you so much for all your replies.
I haven't fully made my mind up yet about sending my dd to prep school and have to apply for state primary this autumn.
I live about 12 miles away from the prep school, all the schools, including state within that area are considered excellent and it is highly sort after.
I considered renting in that area but was told by the la that by owning my home where I do I wouldn't be considered a true resident so that rules out state primary.

The primaries near me aren't great. They are a couple near me that are better but I'm slightly out of catchment although they are religious schools and my dd is baptised (not really attending church atm)

My main concerns are uprooting her education and moving her across town at about 9/10, she has friendships etc and may not actually want to go, I think the best bet would be to have her where I want her for secondary from day one.

This school does prep them for grammar, the headteacher has said the vast majority do go on to the linked school.

What would the commute be like?

I wouldn't be too bad, I run my own business which includes lots of driving and I've got 14 months to recruit some clients in the area so I'm around there anyway.

Would timings work for you though?

Yes.

That’s one thing ticked! Go with your gut - do you and your child like the school? Have you Googled it and the Head like crazy? Are they’re any parents with kids at the school on the local boards?

I've looked and can't really find
anyone on the local boards.
We both loved the school, I do actually know s couple of people with girls there, both actually really normal, certainly not mega rich at all!
I will google the head actually, not thought to do that!

I googled one head and she had been accused of all sorts of fraud and dodgy doings! Another one - well the SMT seemed madder than a box of frogs! Have a dog!

Just had a quick peek-not much so far she's got a really common name! Think Jane Smith!

If you are in a grammar area and it’s a through girls school, is it Pipers Corner? If so, most Local state primaries are great. The vast majority. However schools like Pipers (and apologies if it’s not) are selective at 11. They can afford to be. Therefore if your DD isn’t grammar material, then take the prep offer. Some grammar girls don’t leave schools like this either as they don’t want to leave friends. Just a few points to consider. Apologies if I’m totally wrong about the school!

Ah just seen common name of Head! Wrong school then!

You’ll be fine. The school will be clear about expectations, eg that the whole class will do ballet.

Anything peculiar to the school will be revealed gradually.

I imagine that there will be a strong parents’ association that will host a new parents’ evening where you can ask any questions. Listen attentively, nod and smile (even if you are thinking ‘wankers’).

There isn’t enough old money to keep schools going so do not be embarrassed for one minute about being newly affluent. They will welcome you with one arms.

Thanks everyone again. This school were heading for is hugely linked to the grammar, same name, same uniform!

StB?

Sorry crafty?!? I'm new here!

I think crafty is trying to guess the name of the school you are interested in ...

I have zero experience of state education other than hear say. All of us were privately educated so I have a fair bit of experience of that.

I would say;
If you are aiming for a grammar avoid a private school which schools 3 - 18.
Private schools vary massively, and fees too. They aren't all the same and aren't aiming to tutor your child in the same direction. Some are based on results, these a bit like grammar schools are directional and children are expected to meet expectations. Some of the children do not are invited to leave. My school was in that camp, 6 times a year girls were assessed upon reaching, exceeding and failing to reach school's expectations and fail to reach twice in a row and parents were called in and invited to leave. Quite brutal at 6 to fail to reach expectations but for the past 30 years the school has been within the top 5 girls schools so works for some. At prep level the pressure is on parents to keep the child going, 3 or 4 reading books to get through a day. That school is extreme, the other end of the spectrum are schools which focus on pastoral care, focus on teaching children to enjoy learning, to be good humans etc Those are not the schools which tend to feed into state grammars.

Private schools as a broad brush generally have fantastic wrap around care, great facilities, lots of sport, art, lamba and music options. Lots have their own pools and tennis courts, etc In my experience lots of stimulating material and plenty of reading books for young children.

State schools I have read are tasked with ensuring uniforms are affordable. Private schools it is the opposite, in context my youngest's summer dress alone is £56 (2nd smallest size), and to accompany that she requires a blazer, school scarf, gloves a summer hat and winter one summer jacket and winter coat, winter dress, shirts. Sports outfits they vary according to summer and winter sports. Ive never added it up but it must be £1000 - 2000 on uniform per year.
School trips are equally expensive, our 8 year old sent skiing in Feb £2000, of course these are not obligatory. So make sure you budget for those expenses...

Classes do tend to be smaller than state and often the school itself. We find integration is good across the school, our children often say hello to children much older and younger. Perhaps that is the same in state schools too.

As others have said all parents are engaged with school and we have some fantastic friends now as a result of our children's school.

I think the preps preparing for grammars are very different from the more usual/traditional ones. I very much doubt that there will be 2k skiing trips. I also think that they have different people buying into them. Out of my friends, the ones considering a prep before grammar, are generally choosing between a state primary and the prep. The ones looking at other preps generally have the intention of going independent all through and are looking and consider other aspects of the school more (i.e. facilities, the co-curricular provision etc).

My DD has been on a bursary for Sixth form so we've been at the opposite end of the education scale. We've met the odd parent who clearly didn't want to know us when they' realised our background, but on the other hand we've met some lovely lovely parents who've welcomed us and

I did let this intimidate me to start with, but now I realise I that was silly. DD goes to stay with friends and has had opera tickets bought for her (£185), nail manicures, jewellery purchased, luxury foods, a party with staff serving them. Friends come here, and get our average house and at most a curry out. We just can't compete financially. She's had two offers of paying for flights abroad to visit them and a trip to Austria for her birthday, but we've refused these. I'm not saying it's been a problem, but maybe just something to be aware of.

Just a few things to be aware of;

• being local for primary counts for a lot, in terms of friendships, play dates etc.
• children are more flexible than you think - lots will move at 11 and go to schools where they don't know anyone.....and it's fine. Don't be offended, but a working class attitude can be fear of change or a sense that oneself or children won't cope with change. Capable children with confident parents can prepare them for change and they can thrive on it.
• a lot of tutoring for 11+ can be bought for far less than school fees, meaning lots can be saved for secondary fees if 11+ not passed
• independents which go all through are less invested in prepping children for other schools - parents, children, staff always know their kids have the option to stay on, and that makes a big difference.
• don't worry about class and background. If you are friendly and up for joining in with stuff parents do, people will be friendly. Just be yourself and don't be awed or overly impressed by money or related stuff. Teach your child that stuff doesn't matter and that if she is a kind, friendly girl, she will have friends and that she should be friendly and kind to everyone regardless of what they have or don't have.

• it's often easier to start with sate and move later. Doing it the other way is harder.
• what about considering moving house to the area with the great state schools?

For info: the percentage of grammar pupils coming from independent schools is estimated at 13-15%

researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/SN01398/SN01398.pdf (page 7)

differences.

We found, and have been told from other private school parents that assessments for sn are done asap.
it's a two week turnaround at one school I know.
A huge advantage when some kids never get a diagnosis from a state school. This was a major benefit for us.

HPFA perhaps that because they're private schools in all areas and only grammars in a few? The vast majority who put their children through prep fully intend to pay for secondary from the start?
Ive repeatedly said that the prep I'll be sending my dd to leads into the grammar.