First in the family to go to private school

[Cantsleeppast3am]

Hi, I'm in the very fortunate position to be able to send my dd to prep school. She'll be starting reception 2020.

We are a very working class family, no one has even been to university and I'm starting to be a bit concerned about how it all works, I literally know nothing.

I don't really know what I'm asking but I'm just trying to get the very best I can for my child.
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Why not use the money to go to university yourself? Studies have shown that a child’s academic success is linked to their mother’s education.

Is it a prep that prepares DC for grammar specifically? They are common in grammar areas. If so, you are paying for 11+ tuition as part of the school day, rather than having to tutor on top.

I'm another one who would say save your money for private at secondary. Then if she doesn't get into the grammar you have a back up plan, and if she does get in she has a nice nest egg for a house deposit in the future.

I would also worry about affordability, if you were to have another child could you afford to send them both?

Smaller classes, possibly better facilities. People accusing you of snobbery /elitism /genocide for going private!

Focus on the school you have chosen. I think they run pretty much along the same lines - holidays may be different from the local state ones.

IceRebel - it depends on what the local secondaries are like. Around here are pretty rough (and I don’t mean kids shoplifting and drinking cheap vodka behind the science lab - knives and quite a few kids skipping off to join ISIS).

To be honest if there is a half decent state primary I would send your child there and save your money for a private secondary school.

That's what we're doing. I do a lot of work with a relatively local independent school which takes kids from 7. I was told by them that unless you're absolutely loaded then just wait until secondary age....that's what most of the staff do and that's when you're child will see real benefits.

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it depends on what the local secondaries are like.

You're right, just like primary schools, secondaries will also differ. However if the OPs daughter doesn't get into the grammar she will find herself at a sate school, which after being at a private primary will feel like a different world. If I had the choice of paying for either private primary or private secondary, which is the situation the OP is in, then I wouldn't in a million years choose primary.

A family we knew moved to an area where it was fairly common for the kids to go to private prep the the local state secondary. The wife of a friend of mine was brought up in a similar place. I suppose it just depends on where you are.

One of my local preps just hot houses children for grammar school entry with a small minority staying in the independent sector. If it's a case of a child going to that sort of school which hot houses but doesn't provide the acres of fields and all the amazing facilities you normally find in good preps, then a very good state primary + tuition seems to make more sense.

However if the OPs daughter doesn't get into the grammar she will find herself at a sate school, which after being at a private primary will feel like a different world. If I had the choice of paying for either private primary

That will depend entirely on the secondary school. Mine had no difficulty adapting as the cohorts in both schools are broadly the same.

Mine had no difficulty adapting as the cohorts in both schools are broadly the same.

I didn't mention anything about the children, although class sizes definitely vary between private and state. It was more the environment, behaviour and teaching experience that I would consider to be world's apart.

I think my experience is similar to the OP.

We are in a grammar county. DD1 sailed through but DD2 wasn’t going to. We decided to use an all girls prep. There were distinct advantages in terms of art, sport, drama and, to a lesser extent music as we had a great County music service here. The classes were 16-18 with three per year group. They used sets. They had a 13 plus scholarship stream. They didn’t prep for the 11 plus but girls took it to help inform 13 plus choices. Eg Wycombe Abbey or somewhere less demanding. The range of after school clubs was outstanding and mostly included in the fees. Ditto lunch and tea. This was significantly better than state schools! Packed lunches here.

Other preps mostly prepared for 11 plus. Therefore choose the prep with the end result you want. If it becomes apparent DD isn’t grammar material, move house to get into the school that’s the best non grammar option or continue to pay. Cost private education for 4-18 carefully. The cost goes up unbelievably!

No one is truly working class if they can afford private education! You have moved into a different class whether you identify with it or not. Parents will be welcoming but you will find you just drop DD off and then collect. What else you do will be up to you. Joining in isn’t obligatory.

Oh yes. They taught separate subjects from
Y3. So Geography, History, French, Art, Science, dt etc. Teaching wasn’t better than state. Just different with sets. So easier for the teachers with less variable ability in each class. Sen was charged extra.

We were the "poor" ones at private school. We were living at my dads work rent free, and my mum taught at the school, so we got a hefty discount on fees and could afford to go. My friends had ponies, swimming pools, tennis courts, went skiing etc. I never really felt that I missed out, as everyone was really nice (and let me use their ponies and swimming pools), but I don't know how my parents felt about it. It might have worried them that we wanted the same. I guess they instilled in us that that stuff didn't matter. Maybe be prepared for that.

I was the opposite - the ‘rich kid’ at a crap school. We weren’t rich - we had a big house because there was a million of us kids rammed in there! Kids were shitty because they expected us to be snotty and stuck up but we weren’t, honest!

I am from a working class background and so is my husband and we have sent out daughter to a prep school from preschool and she's now finished year 1. Our son is in nursery there and will go through the school too. We have an awful state school in catchment and we didn't want to move so that made our decision. There are alot of prep schools round here so I took my daughter with me to see them when she was 3 and we both loved the one she attends. We both knew immediately. There were schools I could tell she didn't like. Ours is a but further away than I would like but other wise we love it.

I dont have a state school to compare it to except the one I went to and that was a long time ago. The pre prep is lovely. The parents are totally normal people who have good jobs and prioritize their kids education over cars and holidays. There are a few monied people too but most of us buy second hand uniform from the school's uniform shop. Theres a pre prep school locally where it's mainly nannies or grooms that collect the children so that is a totally different vibe.

Pick your school well and don't worry as it's all explained. I imagine it's no different to starting state school in the sense you don't know the teachers or routine or anything.

My kids are extremely happy at their school and im blown away by their development so far and I also have a lovely bunch of mum friends. I couldn't be happier.

My parents were a little unsure and still are I suppose. I worried I'd have kids I couldn't relate to because their schooling is so different to mine and maybe my parents thought that too but the more they attend school events the more they love it. My mother in law is very critical of the school as I think she is anti private school. We ignore her.

Just go with the flow and you will figure it out as you go and the school will give you everything you need to get ready and settle in. If your daughter doesn't start reception until 2020 and they have a preschool I would look at sending her to that as I think it made a difference in our school. My only concern with a girls only school is that if you have another child and it's a boy and you then want them at the same school you don't want to have to move your daughter. Also the boys at my daughter's school are very lively but I think she has learnt alot from mingling with boys too.

It's an exciting time. 😀.

Girls can be lively! The best thing about girls schools is that they don’t have to have less time and energy put into their needs. The girls learn that they can achieve highly in everything.

I must say its a bit silly to ask for pros and cons now when you've made your decision.

Like pp i think prep at reception age is a total waste of money. At least save your cash until year 3.

Cantdoright1: of course you don’t know how well DD would have done at a good state school as you haven’t been in one. I knew our local state junior was ok, but didn’t offer the breadth of the private school we chose. However at our prep most bought new uniform and many had smart cars. Plus holidays, several houses, staff and dogs! Most went on to boarding schools.

DD initially went to a nursery at a local private school and it was the opposite. Few were really high earners. Many scrimped and saved but all wanted DC to go to a grammar school. Hardly any did. Cue big grumbles at the Head. Family background and education does make a difference and paying doesn’t make a child intelligent. If that was the case, all DC would get to the Grammars, but they don’t.

Im not sure it's been suggested private school makes a child intelligent. That certainly isn't my belief. And my example of parents sacrificing in order to send their child to private school was to comfort OP that she has nothing to worry about. I wouldn't want to go to a school where all the pickups are done by the nannies or grooms so im glad that isn't the case at my school.

Although my kids are the first to go to private school it's been a wonderful experience over the 3 years so far and OP shouldn't feel any worry about it at all. That's the point I was making. My mother in law was a teacher and she said if you want to do a few years of private education, if you can't afford the whole of their education, then pay for primary as it's the most important. She said if the children learn how to learn and love learning right from the start they will be set up for the rest of their education no matter where they are. Having seen my daughter through 3 years of preschool to year 1 im inclined to agree but that's a whole other thread!

No experience of girls schools except a friend I made 20 years ago who went to one and is still single in her 40s because she has no confidence around men. I guess we all have our opinions based partly on our life experiences. For me girls school wasn't an option because I have a little boy and I want them at the same school.

Good luck OP.

Private school teacher here. My advice to you would be to just go with the flow. I teach pupils from many different backgrounds and they are all encouraged to get on and be kind to each other.
Parents are just normal people and they are generally a very friendly bunch so relax!
We do get some children joining us at 11 as some parents prefer to pay for secondary (definitely the right way to do it if funds are tight) and these pupils fit in very well with those from the preps who already know each other.
I expect that your daughter will have a ball and there will probably be a very active parents association for you to get involved in if you wish.
Enjoy!

I have seen on many occasions with neighbours DC and others at private prep schools in grammar areas, that somehow paying will ensure a grammar school place. It’s as if sitting next to very bright Nellie will ensure the intelligence genes are acquired and they truly believe working with bright children will help acquire that grammar school place. Plus the small classes of course. Plus that the DC in private schools are all light years ahead?! It’s a false dawn for many.

You would never think a child from a state primary could get to Wycombe Abbey, but they can. I also think Parents behave differently in a grammar grammar area which I do think ensures a different mindset to other areas. The op said she was in a grammar area. The stakes are high and many cannot afford private secondary.

Also, more secondary schools are poor. Or not very good. Fewer primaries struggle. Therefore if your DC really are in line for the crap secondary and you can only afford one phase of private education, go for secondary. It’s when exams count!

I agree Bubbles.

It was more the environment, behaviour and teaching experience that I would consider to be world's apart.

Except that it isn’t. It’s not as fancy but behaviour and teaching and outcomes are excellent.