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Original poster

I am so disappointed in dd )-: ...even though I know i should be supporting her

125 replies

mosschops30 · 18/07/2007 16:08

We got the school bandings today for high school. There are 5 upper, 2 'middle' and 1 special needs. She has been put in the middle band but it was faily close.

Her best friend who has always been at the same level throughout their schooling is in the upper bands which means she either excelled in the exams or has made massive progress in the last 6 months

Shes in tears now because she said all the kids in her class say that if you get a middle band then you are a 'thicko'

And I dont want her to be in middle band with chidren who couldnt give a toss about whether they learn or not. I am so angry and frustrated that she has only realised now how important her schooling is

OP posts:
Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/07/2007 19:19

absolutely saffy and I told her that, she performed much better than expected in maths which goes to show when she tries she can do it because her teacher thought she was at yr 4 level for maths at Xmas.
She was well praised for that, especially because I am shit at maths

OP posts:
kid · 18/07/2007 19:21

The fact that she got a higher level than the teacher predicted in Maths shows that the predictions are not always right. Could that be the case for the other subjects too?

MaloryTowers · 18/07/2007 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/07/2007 19:21

not sure what you mean kid, weve had the results

OP posts:
kid · 18/07/2007 19:25

I mean you expected her to do better than she did, is that because the teacher predicted she would get higher levels than what she actually got?
Level 4 is what they aim to get so it seems unfair she is classed as 'middle' even though she got her level 4's.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/07/2007 19:27

no i didnt know what he had predicted at the time he only toild me this the other day.
3 middle 4's would have been perfect for me, like I said, I dont expect her to come out with 3 top 5's, she's not that way inclined.
But if she had achieved 3 middle 4's and not 1 with 2 lower 4's then she would have been in the upper.
Its such a shame, and she will only need to work that little bit harder to achieve this, its not a huge target to meet

OP posts:
kid · 18/07/2007 19:33

Please don't be disappointed in her, kids need to hear that you are proud of what they have achieved but that they can do a bit better.

My DD is struggling terribly at school, for her to even get close to a level 4 would make me so happy.

I think you were probably very stressed when you did your first post as you seem to be coming round to the idea that she can move up. The head obviously reasured you. Your DD should take it as a lesson that there is no time to slack.

FirenzeandZooey · 18/07/2007 19:36

Is it reasonable to expect a 7 y o to have the responsibility and maturity to do homework if left unsupervised with PS and tv? You say you know she has been slacking off homework to play games and watch tv for the last 4 years, yet you have only now taken any action about it, and you are cross with her for not having the self-control to be responsible for getting her homework done.

MaloryTowers · 18/07/2007 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenelopePitstops · 18/07/2007 19:52

mosschops i can only echo greeny

you need to support your dd however hard this may be. She has not really done anything wrong and at 11 she is probably too young to understand that she needs to work to achieve. I think you are over reacting, your dd will not be bulied because she is in the middle set as there are loads of others there too. Obvioudsly you need to control her time on PS etc but banning it all holidays is a punishment for something she could probably do little about.

PenelopePitstops · 18/07/2007 19:53

and giver her paise for trying, which she is doing vry hard.

Shutting her away and banning everything will make her rebel. She probably doesnt understand why you have taken all this stuff away as she doesnt feel she has done anything wrong.

meandmyflyingmachine · 18/07/2007 19:55

7? 11 surely?

FirenzeandZooey · 18/07/2007 19:58

Mosschops said she knew her daughter had been slacking for a few years

I misread as "four" first time, hence 7 years old, but think it is reasonable to take a few to mean 3 or 4 years

If a 7 y old learns that they can pretend not to have homework, and play on the PS, they aren't likely to change this when they are 8, 9 or 10, unless something happens to dissuade them, IMO

meandmyflyingmachine · 18/07/2007 19:59

Ah. OK. Sorry.

Agree with you actually. Even for 11 TBH.

PenelopePitstops · 18/07/2007 20:13

franny agree here too, its not great if mosschops has known and let her dd get on eith it.

FoghornLeghorn · 19/07/2007 08:18

FWIW I think Desiderata post on Wed 18-Jul-07 18:24:01 is spot on - Exactly the kind of attitude I'd like to think I would take when my DC's reach high school age

bozza · 19/07/2007 08:34

I agree with franny also. I think that is the underlying problem. But I also think that mosschops is now taking the right steps to solve the problem - with less access to electronic entertainment and more supervision of homework. Because if there are 5 uppper bands, it sounds as if her DD is going to be in band 6 out of 8, so "middle" is a slightly misleading term. So if she is fairly sure her DD is able, yes she should be aiming for her to move up into the upper bands.

FWIW my DS (only Y1) does his homework at the kitchen table. Usually while I am cooking or loading the dishwasher (that is only how long it takes) so I am not stood over him, but am aware of what he is doing. I can usually also guage how much effort he has put in.

robinpud · 19/07/2007 09:03

I'm not going to get add anything to the discussion about the positioning and banding, but thought some posters might be interested in the amount of parental involvement in homework here in Australia where we are living for a year. My 10 and 6 year old get far more homework than in the UK and it is an accepted part of family life that a parent needs to supervise it and ensure that the children have the time and resources to do it. Whilst the whole issue of homework is a huge one and not one to enter into here, my reason for posting is that the consistent approach to homework- ie every school, every year group, every week from kindy to year 6 means parents seem far more aware of what their kids should be doing than many parents I see in the UK. As a result they are generally more in tune with the children's academic abilities. Not saying it is right or wrong but thought it might strike some chords here.
Hope your dd makes the transition to senior school comfortably mosschops and that there are plenty of successes in lots of areas for you all to share and celebrate with her.

Judy1234 · 19/07/2007 09:14

She might have done as well as she could. My children have always been about the middle of the class (but that's in very academic selective private schools) but I've no problems with that as long as they're working as hard as they can. No TVs in bed rooms until you're 18. Homework done where I can see it. Homework to be signed off and checked by a parent every night. Still makes no difference to those who are born bone idle of course. Even just comparing my non identical twins is fascinating.

If your daughter has realised she can be regarded as good at school for doing good work that's great. A lot of schools in state and private sector it's not cool to be a geek. Sounds like she's in a good school.

singingmum · 19/07/2007 09:51

Wasn't being PC mosschops was just being realistic as to what you stated and what you said about an 11yr old.
I am a home educator and often remove ps2 etc. from dc's if they misbehave.However I never allow myself to go so far as to make them feel like crap by removing something for too long.If you allowed them free rein to do what they wanted with no 'You must do homework first' rule you should be angry and dissapointed in yourself not your dd.11yr olds don't understand how important education is we have to therefore do so for them.It's called being a parent as I can see you know.
My dc's have always known where they stand with work and computers etc.
Oh and from experience I know that what the teachers refer to as bright children are often bored with the work in front of them so give up.Why not talk to your dd and find out why she didn't try harder and work with her to find an answer.

Enid · 19/07/2007 09:52

totally, utterly and firmly agree with franny

Pimmpom · 20/07/2007 13:12

Is dd starting secondary school then in September? I am surprised if they are taking much notice of the SATS results. Around here they tend to ignore them Pupils take the CATS tests within the first few weeks of starting secondary and then they are steamed according to those results.

Sorry if i've got this all wrong but if she is starting secondary it will be a completely new beginning for her. Primary school and what she achieved there will seem a long way off by October

Blu · 20/07/2007 13:23

Started to read this sympathetically but lost interest when you started being so rude to people with a different perspective or opinion.
What's with all the 'ffs' and 'fgs' and calling people's answers 'crap'?

tigermoth · 25/07/2007 08:53

just seen this.

Mosschops, if your dd's new secondary school is anything like ours, you could have a homework problem looming. IME it is much more difficult to know what standard of homework your secondary school child is meant to produce. I found this when ds1 moved up to year 7. Gone are the simple worksheets from primary school and instead there are more essays and research requests. I found it really difficult to get out of my son exactly what was expected of him and I could no longer help him with maths as I didn't know what methods and techniques the school was using. Ds wrote his homework briefs in his homework planner, but tended to write crypic messages

He is quite able and passed the 11+ without a huge struggle, but also is not inclined to work much if left to his own devices. dh and I decided to let him find his own level in year 7 and not closely supervise his homework although we did check his planner. He had a so so report at the end of the year 7 especially regarding his lack of motivation was noted. The school gave him a learning mentor and asked him to go to homework club after school.

These two things made a big difference and ds did much better in year 8. The homework club was run by helpers who knew exactly what standard of homework he needed to be producing and also knew the syllabus. His learning mentor was another teacher, so again, very familiar with the school curriculam - something dh and I were not. She met ds every few weeks. At the beginning of the third term of year 8 ds was allowed to drop the homework club as apparently his work was up to scratch. His mentor said he had improved a lot. But this safety net is ds starts to mess around again. Ds actually ended up enjoying the support he was given - and it was much more a support mechanism than a punishment. He valued the attendion which IMO he needed as he found it a big leap from a small, cosy primary school to a large secondary school.

So, I really recommmend that from day one, you find out what extra support your dd can get from her new school.

Also, if you feel your dd's time at home needs to be rearranged with less TV etc, can you make it more of a postive change by adding new interests to her week - clubs, activities etc ie not just taking away things she likes to do? (I think you mentioned a drama club?)

kslatts · 25/07/2007 09:05

I think it's importnat that schools put pupils in the correct band, surely being in the middle band and being able to cope is better than being in the higher band and struggling with the work.