Is it worth applying for private school?

[Rosegoldlilly]

Next year I'll have to start looking for a school for DS. I know it's early but I want to do some research. I know children do have a lot of opportunities if they go to private school compared with state school. My DS is my only child and I don't plan to have anymore, I am a single mum but his DF is very much involved and also wants the best for him.
I've read that private school have bursaries for families that otherwise couldn't afford to send their child to private school and is means tested on both parents. I really don't earn alot and his DF earns around £25Kish.
My question is would it be worth applying for private schools and applying for the bursary to see what happens? Or should I not bother as it's highly unlikely we would be considered.

Some state schools are better than some private schools and even with a private school, you need to find one that is suited to your DS’s personality and not assume it is good because you pay.

Negatives of a private school in your circumstances, assuming you do get a bursary (and you might not) -

Can you pay for the extras - school trips, music, sports, the uniforms and instruments etc.

The fees will go up each year. The bursary might not.

Your DS will have friends who often live many many miles away and even further for a boarding school. This can leave children quite lonely and isolated at weekends/holidays.

Can you afford to maintain a similar social life for your DS to match his friends so he isn’t bullied for not having the right clothes/games/holidays etc.

Don’t know if you’re applying for primary or secondary, but round here there are no busaries for private primary schools.

I think bursaries are very few and far between for private primary schools. If there's an indie school you like you should enquire about what's available but be aware it's unlikely. Which area are you in? There are plenty of very good state primary schools. It isn't as simple as choosing the "best" school - this will depend a lot on DS and his personality/set of abilities. The most important factor in a DC's education is the home environment not the school.

Is this for Reception? Ime few schools offer bursaries from the start , especially full fees, and you will struggle to pay any fees going forwards on that level of income, unless there are savings or very low outgoings. Fees rise around 5% a year like for like and increase at each stage ie. Year 1, year 3, year 7 etc. Plus uniform, trips and so on. You may find you can get Early Years funding for some of Reception but then the costs will increase.

You can find information on schools that offer burseries on the ISC website, and there are also information about other grant giving bodies or orgsnisations that can give advice. Unfortunately, there seem to be more burseries available at secondary level, but do contact your local primary schools and ask what they offer! Also most pre-prep departments (private nursery and reception classes) will offer at least 15 gov funded hours to qualifying families.
I wouldn't worry about your child not fitting in. Some parents will be very wealthy, others will be going without holidays/new clothes etc to afford the fees, but most kids won't care, and the occasional mean bully will always find a reason to pick on someone else.

Or should I not bother as it's highly unlikely we would be considered.

Heavens! Such negativity. Why shouldn’t you be considered?

I’m not clear if you’re talking about primary of secondary school. There are very few bursaries available at primary (prep school) level - because it’s less easy to make a judgement on a child’s abilities at that age. There are some. It requires a degree of organised research and determination to get one. (They would almost certainly be highly competitive as well as means tested.)

There are many more at senior level. They are meant for families who would find the fees impossible and whose children are likely to excel in some way - academically or musically or in sport (or just all-round assets to the community).

primary or secondary? Bursaries are almost unheard of at primary so if your child is going into reception you have ages to think about it.

Sorry didn't clarify my DS is 2 atm but would look to put him in at reception age. It states on most of their websites about the bursary, obviously have no idea what their criteria is.
That is the only thing I worry about is his home lifestyle compared to the other children. Obviously my time is important with him but I live in a housing association property so kids/parents will judge. And he might not have all the toys etc that the others might have. It states on the website that the price on the site includes uniform/food/most trips

Right, well you won’t need to worry about it yet! Prep school bursaries, in my very recent experience (not generations past!) might happen around year 6. (That’s a traditional prep that feeds to senior schools starting in year 9.) As I said - very rare at primary school.

When the time comes for senior school, if you’re still interested in this route, look for schools that offer several bursaries every year. These will probably be the wealthier (and perhaps outwardly more intimidating) schools. Please be reassured that decent schools like a diverse intake (a place stagnates if everyone had the same background) and, if your child is smart enough to be offered a place, they will be respected for that.

But a positive attitude will help you get what you want for them!

I know I'm not trying to be negative but it's probably is unheard of that a single mum in a "council" home has sent their child to private school.

I guess I could apply and see what happens? The worst is I could just get a no

You are being negative. What would be the point in starting with this defeatist attitude? Bursaries are for people with clever children who cannot pay the fees. Do you think they all live in palaces? And do you honestly believe the bursary recipients all have pinstriped fathers earning mega-bucks? Surely you can see this would be illogical?

In the end it doesn’t matter what type of school a child goes to - they get their sense of self-worth from their parent(s) and wider family. Be proud of the family you and your child are. That’s the best start you could give them.

And do some reading up on fee paying and other schools - so you can make an informed choice later on.

It's extremely unlikely that any school will offer a full bursary for reception.

However in your circumstances your DS would have a good Chance at secondary.

My DD goes to a lovely state primary school, but it's a church one so it gets a bit of extra funding from the Church. Plus the PTA is always raising funds for new equipment etc.

A school friend of hers left to go to private primary school after two or three years, but now in Y5 her parents are not sure it was worth it after all as she seems to be learning at pretty much the same rate as my DD.

Small class sizes are the biggest difference which state schools obviously can't compete with, but my DD's school does have a teaching assistant (alongside the teacher obviously) in the younger classes at least, for at least most of the time, and manages to produce generally happy, curious, well-behaved kids, every one of whom the head knows by name. It is a relatively small school and the head teacher is an absolute star, very approachable and fun, but sensible and firm when required.

If you could have a look around local state primary schools, especially Church ones, you may be pleasantly surprised. Though of course it depends on your area. But have a good look around. And then consider joining the Church ASAP if relevant!

Maybe send him to a friendly state school and use any spare money for extra-curricular things such as music lessons, fun language courses, sports, swimming, karate, dance, cookery... develop his interests and fill in any gaps you think the state school isn't filling, as and when they arise, throughout his childhood. If you spend all your money on private school fees (plus extras) then you won't be able to do this. You can start now with toddler classes if you haven't already and if working hours permit - fun for you too!

Also, at private schools each year gets more expensive until you're paying astronomical amounts at sixth form; you don't want to have to pull him out of private school a few years down the line when it really starts to matter. You may be stuck paying for something you can't really keep up with, even if your income goes up. Childhood is expensive enough as it is.

Good luck with your decision, I bet with involved parents like his your son will do well anyway. :-)

If this does happen make sure you can afford the uniform, sports kits etc. I went to a private school from age 10 and while my mum had worked out how to pay the fees, she struggled so much with the other expenses that came with it. In the end I was back in state school a year later.

The OP was asking about bursaries. With a 100% bursary she would not be paying fees!

... use any spare money for extra-curricular things such as music lessons, fun language courses, sports, swimming, karate, dance, cookery... develop his interests and fill in any gaps

Hmm. Have you any idea how hard it could be for one person to provide all this? On top of working (at home/outside home). The energy required? The money for transport / wear and tear on car / hours spent waiting around. Anxiety about holding it all together? Of course, the OP’s child’s father may continue to be closely involved in his child’s upbringing - but for many single parents a school that incorporates all of the desirable extra-curricular activities can be a life-saver.

And, of course, many single parents simply cannot afford the delightful range of activities listed above. This is one reason why they might be interested in applying for bursaries at independent schools. To provide those extras that would otherwise be unreachable for their child.

Rosegold - definitely not unheard of where I am to send your child to private school in your circumstances. My two local fee paying primaries offer bursaries from the start.

"I know I'm not trying to be negative but it's probably is unheard of that a single mum in a "council" home has sent their child to private school."

First things first; but you are being negative to begin with having this attitude! Your son at some point when growing up (sooner than you think), picks up this attitude and thinks for himself this is what life is and adopts this attitude for himself and then it's curtains.

No, you've got to be positive in everything that you do even though sometimes in your own heart you may not believe it youself. Also, I can categorically reassure you there are many families living in council houses, some with both parents unemployed, that send their children to private schools even the most famous ones!

Like many posters have said already, scholarships/bursaries for very young kids (under 10 years old) are rare and in my opinion, quite irrelevant because the immediate future e.g. secondary education, is rather uncertain unless the support is guaranteed to cover this as well which is extremely rare.

Are you in a position to home educate him and also at the same time to send him to the local state reception/primary school - doesn't matter what sorts or how good/bad - so that your son can mix and socialise with kids there? You can use whatever money you have to buy books, educational toys, hire a private tutor, etc. on him at home I.e. home educate instead of spending it on private education now, and after a few years when he's older (and hopefully cleverer) apply for a major scholarship which usually includes full bursaries.

I understand that some of the major public senior schools offer bursaries and places to children at state primaries and the senior school then pays for these children to attend a prep school for years 7 and 8. I believe Radley and Eton may do this, based on my DS' old prep (which was super keen to take these boys in order to add lustre to their list of leavers' destinations.) Rugby also seemed a lovely school which we did not pursue due to distance, but it definitely offers places to DC whose parents are in your circumstances, OP - a young man recently wrote an article about how the school had changed his life, if you Google it?

Eton doesn’t any longer Harrow does from yr 6 (I think) some of the bigger name boarding preps starting yr 3, might e.g Dragon Sommerfield look at their web sites or if you London based look at Colet Court. Your DS would have to be very obviously bright (there will be a competitive entrance test) and articulate and probably very keen on sport and or showing some aptitude at music.

Don’t know about Radley Motorcyclemptiness, but that practice no longer pertains at the other school you mention! Instead they make a specific scholarship available to pupils at state schools - so it isn’t necessary to attend a prep to prepare for Common Entrance. I gather the state school exam is intensely competitive.

I didn’t want to mention boarding to the OP - as it’s not what most people seem to want - but yes, boarding schools do have a lot of money available for bursaries and are eager to offer it to impressive candidates with genuinely impecunious parents.

Yes, there are bursaries available at some private primary and prep schools but not all. My dn family set up is similar to yours and she entered prep at 7 years old in the Midlands on a full bursary plus assistance with uniform and trips. She was very academically able for her age. It was life changing as she then went on to pass the super selective Grammar school exam and is now doing brilliantly at an Oxbridge College! They will scrutinise your finances, you will be expected to work and they will also take the child's father's finances into account probably.

I'm in east Anglia. I wouldn't consider boarding I wouldn't want to be apart from my DS for that amount of time.

I do work but only 2 days atm as that's all I can afford with paying nursery fees. Eventually I should be qualified in accountancy and hoping to earn decent money in the future so maybe later on they might not offer a bursary?

Another concern is if he started private at high school age I'm worried he would struggle to fit in as the other children would know each other well. I wouldn't want him being an outsider. That's why I thought starting at reception would be a good idea.

It seems a bit pie in the sky tbh.

Single parent, working 2 days a week. Wants a private education from reception. Sorry OP I just can't see this happening.

What do you understand by that amount of time? (Just in case you’re basing your judgement on a previous century!) By the time your child is old enough to go it’s likely that most prep schools will be weekly boarding. Full boarding at prep age means going home every other weekend, generally - and of course parents can be at the school almost every day for concerts, matches, Chapel, etc., etc. (Pressing the case because, as I said above, boarding is where you’re most likely to get the help you want. And it’s great fun.)

Bursaries are assessed on a sliding scale - so you may start with 100% and have it gradually reduced when you earn more. Or you may continue to receive the full amount.

All schools are different OP - you can’t assume that the other children would know each other well. It depends. And their friendships evolve as they grow.

Nothing wrong with starting at reception. But you won’t get a bursary for it. (Be very suspicious of any school that offers them before yr 5/6 ...)

I do think you need to read some (several) prospectuses. And be prepared to shed some assumptions. (Perhaps that’s what I meant about determination ...)

Buscaution it's right to manage expectations but why shouldn't the OP try? She has stated that bursaries are available. OP, sadly, people do have snobby views about families in your situation. Don't listen to them. You have nothing at all to lose by trying. If it doesn't work out this time, try again when your child is older (if they turn out to be academic/talented). Don't let the perceived aspirations of others put you off! We went straight for the top schools and got them (much to the annoyance of others we knew whose attitude was ('who do they think they are, they won't stand a chance'!).