Private School Newbie - am I doing the right thing?

[Booklover18]

Just after some reassurance I suppose. We have decided to send our youngest to private school, he starts Reception in September. I am concerned after reading lots of threads on here that we have taken on more than we realise. We are not rich, by a LONG way, but can manage the fees by saving constantly and cutting back. When he starts I will have two terms saved, and the plan is that we are always two terms in advance. So by Christmas I will have saved the last term's fees for Reception, then in January I start saving for Yr 1. And So On. I suppose my question is - how do others manage? Is everyone I meet going to be rich and we will be the poor relations? Is it true that they will always be asking for extra's? And is it common that the fees go up every year?
I know we've taken on a lot, and we are hoping that things will get easier, but no one else I know sends their kids private and I am embarrassed to ask too many questions at school in case it's obvious that we can only just afford it. Thanks for any insight.

I fear a year or two down the line you may struggle to keep up on that basis. Fees typically increase by up to 5% annually and then there are incremental rises as children get older, plus additional uniform , trips etc. The scale of fee increases should be on the website to give you an idea of what you are facing. Will you get any early years funding for Reception?

You need to factor in at least 5% fee rises per year so they'll have doubled by sixth form. Some go up by nearer 10% per year. Don't worry about being the poor relation. Many make sacrifices but I wonder if you've thought this through long term. Also big jump usually at juniors and seniors ie year 3 and 7, they against year 12.

Thank you for feedback, yes I have seen the fees that are set out this year so have an idea of what each year will cost, but I will now factor in a 10% increase each year. Yes there is a jump at yr 3 and the uniform changes slightly, so I’ll be saving for that. We wouldn’t be able to do secondary school private unless he managed to get a scholarship. We would try for the local grammar instead. I know we’re pushing ourselves to the limit but once he starts school we will be in a better position to increase our earning potential. I have been buying the uniform gradually over the past year and have saved as I say. We just want to give him the best foundation possible as he is a bright lad and the catchment state schools are very poor in our area (special measures or requiring improvement). I think my worry as well is that I’ve had some negative reactions from friends and family when we say we’ve decide private, as if they think that we think we are better than them or something, so I’m worried that we aren’t in “their circle” anymore but we won’t be good enough to fit in with the “new circle” at the other end of the spectrum. I’ve got two much older children who didn’t go private and I found the playground politics bad enough there - and avoided it! I’m anxious that the clicky ness will be worse at private and they’ll think we don’t belong - my hubby says our money is as good as anyone else’s, but I’m the one who will be picking up and dropping off!

LIZS - so just to clarify, if the fees now show yr 1 at 9k, when I start saving in January I should read that as £9,900 to be on the safe side? I know we went to the parents info evening and they gave us all the class info etc and I had been saving based on the website amount (2017/18 year) but didn’t know the fees had gone up in April (website not updated) so had to find extra to what I thought. So I just wanted to check whether this happens every year so I’m prepared!

Oh and I don’t think we’ll get any early years funding as my son turns 5 within the first week of starting!

My two went private, we knew how much the fees were but we were very seldom asked for money other than Duke of Edinburgh and first year bonding trips. Just as well as we did without to put them there. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was worth every penny.

Honestly, most iarents at private schools are not wealthy. Many are barely managing. You do get the rich chav parents who donate a lot of money, send their child on every so gkr option tril/extra, get bow drys for school events etc but that is just because they insecure. The parents who were privately educated themselves are usually the shabbiest.

No you wouldn't qualify then . Yes if you allow for 10% you should be ok, as long as you can save that in time. We've always had a years' fees in the bank. Only one year left to go now!

Op, you should still get some EY discount off your first termas it applies from the term after they’re 3 until the term after they’re 5.

LIZS, yes, OP will still get one term of discount assuming child doesn’t turn 5 until Sept 1st or later.

we sent our 2 boys privately- we both earned reasonable salaries and saved for next term. We didn't do holidays ( apart from grandparents) for years and only changed cars when they were knackered. I changed my car twice in the 17 years we paid fees and my husband 3 times ( as one car was stolen). Prep school was more cliquey than senior school- lots of mums who were wives of city types , all of who seemed to have gone to the local girls independent school, however also lots of normal people who were budgeting carefully to pay fees. We didn't have too many extras in prep.
However please make sure your school prepares children for the 11 plus or grammar entrance. Ours didn't but were focused on Common Entrance ( and scholorships) at 13 plus. Parents trying for the very competative Grammar School were also paying for tutoring for 11plus.
Ignore the critics- even if you can only manage a year or 2 you will give him a good start .

Never had more than 2 terms set aside (although I do get bonuses which I could use rather than adding to my pension and going on holidays)

Def not super rich here - good pension, no savings. Parents are mainly fairly rich at her school but DD has had no problems. School trips can be very expensive but normally aren't compulsory. The ones that are compulsory are normally £100-£200 the fun ones eg skiing, USA tennis tour can be eye watering.

Never seen a 10% rise - she's 16 and has been private since aged 4. I think 5% is enough contingency. There are step changes in fees at aged 7, 11 and 16 in most schools so that might be where the 10% figure is coming from. There are often scholarships up for grabs at age 11 and 16.

Totally missed the bit about grammar for secondary!!! DDs school didn't prepare them for grammar at all. It takes DC age 4-18 so it isn't in their interest. Chose the school very carefully if grammar is the way you are intending to go. Ask the admissions office how many DC went to grammar at 11 which will give you an idea of whether they prep or not.

Yes they will not want you to move to a grammar at 11. If they are a 5-18 school they will want him to stay so he will be very disadvantaged in sitting the 11+.

You mentioned scholarships but these are only for 10% of fees in most cases now. To pay more of the fees what you want is a bursery but you will only qualify for that if you have a low income and low assets (eg no equity in property, no pension)

Our children go to private school and we have never regretted it. You will find lots of parents saving and scarificing to pay the fees so I very much doubt you will feel alone in this way. Trips and extras in our schools are the bare minimum and you can always opt out. Not everyone attends and no one cares very much either way (re ski trips later in school life)
Old banger are de rigeour in our school!!

We are private. As with all walks of life, you get the total loves and the utter cocks.

IME more often than not both parents need to work to pay the fees, or there are grandparents.

Also, use the used uniform shop. There's no shame in this, in fact you'll see overtly wealthy people going in elbows sharpened to get the good bits.

At primary the extras tend to be for music lessons or clubs that you can chose not to join.

Factor for a 10% increase. Better to be safe than sorry.

Daisy I read that as you changed your husband three times!

I’m a single parent - utterly broke, fit in perfectly among the school parents. There are a total mix (royalty down to my end of the scale!) but no one really gives a toss.

Look at the school second hand sales for uniform - everyone uses it without judgement. Extra’s do seem to creep on but a lot of the after school clubs are free, so if you work, it’s actually a good way of getting wrap around childcare.

Ds has blossomed. It has been worth every sacrifice so do try and ignore the comments and just do what you feel is best for your child.

OP, I guess every private school is different, so I can only speak about my experience. We go to the pre prep of a top public school, and the families are incredibly diverse at the lower end of the school (by the time you get to 13, generally the families are very wealthy because it’s £36k per child a year!).
In our class (Y3) we have a family like yours (ie older kids went to local state school and youngest goes to fee paying) and a family in the Times rich list. And everything else in between. I know a few people who have struggled to pay fees. Several children have started in Reception and moved to the local primary after Y1 or Y2. There is no shame in that.
Almost without exception the other parents are really lovely and all get on, regardless of wealth/circumstances.

Hope that gives some reassurance!

Oh thank you so much all who have given advice! It’s setting my mind at ease 😀 I’ve been shocked at the negative feedback we have had - dare I say discrimination! - when we have said which school we’ve signed up for - ie: private. We just want our son to be happy and be given the best start, and as one post says - if we can only manage a few years then that’s still better than nothing. This has been my first post on mumsnet so thankyou all for being positive with helpful comments! I was worried I’d get the same negativity I’ve had in real life! 👍

When mine were at private schools the uniforms were very expensive. A school shirt was nearly £30. Don't forget to include these costs when budgeting. Also things like paying for school lunches up front with no refunds if absent.

We have no regrets about private education, but it was VERY expensive and bills shot up quickly (in total DCs attended 7 fee paying schools between them).

The youngest was five when we started and I remember clearly fees were £1600 per term (day fees for one child). By the time we arrived at sixth form, fees were over £10k per term (boarding for one child) and this was after a £15% scholarship had been deducted.

I don't want to put you off, because our experience was generally so positive. But it didn't come cheaply.

I had a lot of negativity when I choose private from everyone not one person agreed with my decision. We did lose contact with a lot of people but met new people. I would definitely be circumspect about the school you choose re grammar entrance they will nr prep your child it’s not in their interest so you will be having to do tutoring for the 11 plus.
We were the poorest at my sons school definitely plus single parent with ethnic diversity . It was ok until year 5 when my son realised his friends had pools ponies and tennis courts and we didn’t however we worked through that it wasn’t easy to explain.
Now he’s at public school full boarding on a 50% bursary I always maintain the money I spend on his education is the best money I’ve spent.
I had some very tight moments re his fees lost business father refusing to contribute etc buyback I dug deap held tight and prayed ! I did cry when he left prep with relief I had done it and now only 4 years left !
Go for it you won’t regret it ! Be positive you’ll make it work

@TSSDNCOP
So true about the 2nd hand uniforms. There are several multi millionaire parents who use them. Unfortunately they are during the day so I never manage to get there.

@Booklover18
At your DCs age the most likely trip is to Legoland or a river to count tadpoles so no need to worry too much about extras. LAMDA and a musical instrument do cost extra but are very much optional. Lots and lots of after school clubs which are free. DDs school have very long days compared with state (8 to 5 isn't unusual when you factor in before and after school clubs) but far longer holidays which you will need to factor in for child care eg 2 week half terms and 8 week summer holidays (but you do get to go away when other kids are at school which saves a few quid)

Sports equipment need to be bought on top of PE kit (football boots, gum shield, shin pads, tennis racket, hockey stick, hockey gloves, trainers, pe slippers, boot bags, school kit bags, swimming goggles......I could go on forever!!!) EBay has been a godsend given the fact they can go through 2 a year depending on growth and losing stuff

....but it has been worth every penny

Most of the parents at DS's primary (Scotland) weren't mega rich, a few were, but they were exceptions.

There wasn't a huge amount of outlay other than the fees until he got into Senior School, and there is a Thrift Shop run by the PTA for uniform, books, sports equipment etc, which is mostly "as new" as most DCs grow out rather than wear out of it. No stigma about using Thrift Shop as money goes towards school, so was actively encouraged.

Good thing about DC's school is that they are VERY strict about uniform, so every single DC looks exactly the same, so no one upmanship for the best pair of trainers/sports bag etc.