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Original poster

What to do? Boarding school or being dragged round the world being educated as well as possible?

106 replies

MrsSchadenfreude · 14/05/2007 21:46

Which would you go for, the stability of boarding school and continuity of friends (assuming the DDs are happy to board) or drag them round the world with you, changing school every 3-4 years, either international school or possibly American system?

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 15/05/2007 13:46

definitely - you have to take lots of variables into account:

  • likely number of moves
  • probability of continuity of curriculum
  • quality of schools in country of destination
  • personality of child
  • age of child
  • country/culture of destination
  • type of support structure afforded by parents' work

etc etc etc

OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 15/05/2007 13:55

Agreed.

suedonim · 15/05/2007 15:38

I'd take them with me. In fact, I have already - dd2 is with us here in Nigeria. I can't see that she has suffered in any way and in fact I think it has given her confidence that she can cope with change.

Nowadays the issue of friendship is eased by the availability of phones and the internet. Dd1 is still in touch with people she knew in Indonesia five yrs ago, something unlikely to have happened if she'd had to write letters and then stir her stumps to post them at the PO.

Obviously I'm biased but imo, partly because we've moved a lot, my four dc have grown into much more interesting people than their cousins who all still live within 10 miles of where they were born, travel has broadened their minds.

Anna8888 · 15/05/2007 15:40

suedonim - totally agree on the mind broadening stuff. Huge difference in my family (throughout the generations) between those who've moved around and those who haven't, and the fun ones I keep up with are the ones who keep moving...

virgo · 19/05/2007 21:51

I think its almost child abuse to put your children into boarding school and leave the country so you can't easily get back for any emergency - unless of course you have good relatives who are close to your children and can step in - sorry but do feel v strongly about this -

yogimum · 19/05/2007 22:25

my husband went to boarding school whilst his parents were living in the U.A.E. Absolutely loved it. Did have close family living by. Hardly child abuse.

virgo · 19/05/2007 22:31

like I said - having close relatives nearby is fine...no replacement for mum and dad I suspect though..

harrisey · 20/05/2007 04:29

This book is supposed to be very good for this stuff - read it myself as we are considering an overseas move

Third Culture Kids

Cold be worth a read if you are thinking about these decisions

oxocube · 20/05/2007 04:40

take them with you. No question

ghosty · 20/05/2007 05:45

I was 'dragged' around the world and I am fine

Seriously ... IMHO it is all about mindset. If you see it as being 'dragged' then that is exactly what it will be.
I have no recollection of feeling like I was being pulled/dragged. My parents told us we were moving and we moved.

BUT ... I was lucky. I was able to spend my whole secondary education in one school (a British School overseas) - my siblings (all older than me) were moved as teenagers and I think they suffered. But then again, I had friends who would come to our school for 2 years then go off again and according to our Old Students website they all seem ok.

My parents had many friends whose children went to boarding school as they travelled around the world with their work. My father was against this and was of the opinion that if the job meant going to a place where there were no decent schools then he wouldn't take it. Being with us was more important than some swanky job.

Fast forward 25/30 years and I seem to have found myself having a bit of a nomadic lifestyle myself - we moved to NZ when DS was 2 and 5 years later have found ourselves in Melbourne, Australia.
To start with I was against it as I was hoping to finally set down the roots I never had as a child. But I eventually got my head round the idea.
Of course, the schools in NZ and Australia are fabulous so the education side of things isn't a problem .... But DH and I have made the decision that when DS is coming up to High School age we need to settle in one place until DD (4 years younger) finishes school.
Re locating teenagers isn't the best thing (from the experiences of my siblings) and boarding school is just not an option (my thoughts are 'why have kids?' and DH, who went to boarding schools says, 'over my dead body')

So ... imho, if we were in your shoes, we would either take them with us OR DH would find a job that meant staying put for a few years. Boarding school would not be an option.

duchesse · 23/09/2010 14:54

Mine have coped fine with being dragged around and changing schools more often than that. I have noticed though that they have kept no friends from before our last move 6 years ago, which means that apart from our friends' children, they've no friends from before they were 11, 9 and 7 years old, which I think is a shame.

Cadmum · 23/09/2010 15:05

We keep ours with us. NYC, Vienna, Geneva Phnom Penh all since dd was born 4 1/2 years ago and they love it.

I don't think I could EVER consider boarding school when I am out of the country so I am likely not the parent to ask. Being a family is more important to me than having peers. This concept of socialization is so new and most people would be hard pressed to show me the advantages of having children brought up strangers surrounded by their peers.

I do agree that International Schools have far lower education standards particularly for children who speak English as a first language. I just think that the benefits of living in a variety of cultures and being exposed to other languages and differing values and ways of thinking far outweigh the downsides.

minipie · 23/09/2010 15:15

How old are they?

Under age 11/12 or so they will probably be more adaptable and value being with you more than continuity of friends.

Over that age they may prefer stable friendships and be less adaptable - though it depends on the child. But by then they are old enough to have a view themselves.

I presume they would come back to you for the school holidays?

Also, are they likely to want to go to university? If so it's worth bearing in mind that universities are (still) not too familiar with foreign qualifications - the IB perhaps being an exception - so it's worth at least their last 3 years of education being in the country they want to be a student in.

Habbibu · 23/09/2010 15:22

This thread is 3 years old! How do these resurrections happen?

minipie · 23/09/2010 15:27

oh good god Blush

I blame duchesse Grin

duchesse · 23/09/2010 16:03

Blame me if you like, but I saw it in active convos... Had not noticed date of it.

Mysteriouser and mysteriouser!

LinenBasket · 23/09/2010 16:05

If it was due to dh job, I would send him off to whatever country , and stay settled at home with the dc if possible.

If we all had to go, i would take them with me around the world.

LinenBasket · 23/09/2010 16:06

oh yes, 3 years old, how funny! Expecgt her dc have left home and at uni now so all a bit irrelevant.

clare40 · 23/09/2010 21:08

I know this sounds odd, but do you HAVE to go? I just think some things are more important, and unless it was a matter of not being able to do anything else. Esp at secondary school age.

mumoverseas · 24/09/2010 15:17

It really does depend on the children and the schools.

I moved abroad, from the UK to the Middle East five years ago. DC were then aged 13 and 10 and came with me. They spent a few years at the British International school which was ok for DS but not DD (the 10 year old) After a lot of thought we decided to send her back to a UK boarding school before she started thinking about GCSEs. DS was already doing them so he had to stay and finish and he returned last year when he finished his GCSEs and is now doing his A Levels in a UK school.

After a few difficult weeks (for us and DD) it soon became apparent it was the right decision for her. She is settled and really happy and doing much better at school in the UK.

The International school was ok, but not nearly as good as the school they had left. Also, it (and I think this can be common) had a very high staff turnover.

I have recently talked to DS (now 17) about whether he wished he had stayed in the UK instead of coming (he was given the choice and decided to come with us). He feels that he would have had a better education in the UK however it was an 'experience' and he learnt many different things that he would never have learnt in the UK so in a way he was glad he had done it.

You really have to consider each child and how it would affect them. What may be right for one may not be right for the other

mumoverseas · 24/09/2010 15:18

oh arse, just realised the date of the thread! oh well ho hum. Maybe someone else with this same problem will come along!

notcitrus · 24/09/2010 15:41

Depends on age of kids and where you're going. If you're going to be somewhere for more than a year for primary, I'd strongly consider local schools rather than expat ones. Many cities have decent expat schools up to a certain level but then kids tend to board when it get near exam time for secondary.

Personal experience: my parents had to move abroad so I was given the choice between boarding immediately but not having a choice of school (as only one would take me for that Sept for final year of primary), or going to the British school for a year and then the boarding school of my choice (initial list of 3 but offers to look at more if necessary). Or the

I chose to board starting in secondary so it would be just like Malory Towers etc, and the one school that would have taken me didn't sound good.

Unfortunately the Brit school was a disaster as I was 1-4 years younger than the rest of the class and the teacher was crap (fired at the end of the year), but boarding school after that was fine (few dodgy bits when I was 14 or so but basically being a teenager anywhere is hard). In retrospect I should have gone to a local school with intense tuition in the language and then either stayed or boarded, but no-one told my parents about those options.

dinosaur · 24/09/2010 15:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

notcitrus · 24/09/2010 15:47

Oh yes - the boarding school I went to didn't have the greatest rep at the time, and my parents rather hoped I'd choose another one, but when I said I thought I could be happy there and refused to go to the other, they were fine with that.

A bit more support during my teen years would have helped, but tbh they wouldn't have been better if I'd been at home full time. Also boarding now, with FAcebook and email and mobile phones calling daily is a lot different to only getting a letter a week like when I was there. I suspect many parents now talk to their kids more at school than if they were at home with an au pair etc.

owlicecream · 24/09/2010 20:38

It's not child abuse. So forces families who put their kids in as boarders are child abusers virgo? Hmm. I'm sure you just made that difficult decision - that many make in what they believe are the best interests of their children - all the harder.
As others have said OP - all about the schools, and the children (and their ages). Many kids will get on with it and get used to it - but not for everyone.