What to do? Boarding school or being dragged round the world being educated as well as possible?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Which would you go for, the stability of boarding school and continuity of friends (assuming the DDs are happy to board) or drag them round the world with you, changing school every 3-4 years, either international school or possibly American system?

I would also say that girls seem to need more stable friendships though, and I don't think that you get that as much with international schools where friendships can get broken up quite suddenly due to other families moving on. One of my friend's dd lost best friends in consecutive years with only 2 weeks warning (another reason to hate oil companies I guess).

i suppose i've had experience of both. i was sent away at 8, not to boarding school, but to live with a family and go to a local school, as my parents lived in the sticks in africa. i think that year did me quite a lot of damage.

after that we came back to england and i went to 2 primary schools, then 2 secondary schools. it was awful. i was quite an introspective child, and found it very hard to make friends in groups where there were already established friendships. to this day, i find it very hard to maintain friendships, and most of my friendships come and go, which means very little continuity.

my younger sister is very different to me. this is probably partly character and partly because she did not have that year away from my parents (i was back home in the holidays) plus moved from primary into secondary with a group of friends and stayed in the same secondary school.

i don't know the ages of your kids so it is hard to say what would be best for them. you know them best. but if the older one is more insecure (oh, i can relate!), it may be best to do what is best for her.

Tangarine - we seem to have similar lives.

Really MrsS? Glad I am not the only one! Are you on a posting now or waiting for the next one? Based on our experience with DS, it's been worth putting him into school while we are still around - that way he also gets to keep in touch with friends from his old school when he comes home and we have been able to keep in close touch with school by virtue of being in the same timezone. Plus we have met some of his new friends and their parents by being able to attend school events. It's been a good halfway house for us.

Drag them round the world...at least initially, and send them to local schools...they will thank you in later years when they are trilingual ! We are living in France for 18 months and 3 eldest DSs are all at a french school....only been here 5 months and they are all chattering away already. Mind you they are young 4,5 and 6...don't know what I'd do if 12,13 and 14

Take them with you - DH, his brother and sister were all sent home to the UK to boarding school when they 6 and family worked abroad. DH still gets tears in his eyes now when talkng about it and all 3 have a slightly 'reserved' relationship with their parents. DH would not under any circumstances sent our children to boarding school now. (not dissing all boarding schools per se but think it is quite a wrench when your mum isn't even in the same continent).

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I met a whole load of boys at boarding school last week aged 8-13 and they all loved it.

My Dad is also ex-army, we travelled with them till I was 11, then I boarded, my sister joined me 18 months later when she was 10.
Based on my experience, I would say keep them with you for all of primary, then start boarding at somepoint in secondary, though this depends on the timing of your moves. So they have a year or so to settle into the school before starting GCSE work, then GCSE's & A-Levels.

Do you have any idea, how long you will be staying in any place or much notice of where you are going next?

I agree it depends on the age and the personality of the child. I wouldn't want to leave dd (if I had to) until secondary age certainly and I only would if she really wanted to board and I felt it would be good for her.

Agree with Floss about the anti-boarding stance. I would hate dd to go away, and I can't see it ever being an issue for me, but I'm sure for some children it is great. Not all, of course, but some.

Well, I am taking my children with me, but would never consider putting them in an international or American school ("international" usually meaning English speaking).
The closest I have come to that was considering the European school in Munich.

My brother and his wife took their lo's with they've decieded when they turn 16 they get to come back to the UK and finish school.

Further to my earlier post I would add that whilst boarding is obviously not the right answer for EVERY child, my first concern would always be about the child and how they respond to change - can they handle it and do they benefit from it, or do they find it very difficult and find it detrimental to their self-esteem, rather than my own desire to have my family with me - after all children fly the nest eventually (I would probably not choose boarding for primary school, that said).

DH (who boarded) felt that he benefitted hugely from having adult role models that he became close to such as his house parents and teachers, who offered different ways of thinking about things and doing things than he would ever have come in close contact with at home - he could only have had these sorts of relationships with teachers because he was boarding. Dh is, and has always been, close to his parents, but boarding gave him a very safe step towards independence as he got closer to the age to he leave home.

Three of his teachers came to our wedding!

No time to read the whole thread... Between 5 and 11 I went to schools in 4 different countries. Boarded in UK from 11.
Neither was perfect, tbh. The constant yanking out of schools/changing friends was hard to cope with and probably fairly rubbish for my education. So was being very far away from home.
Tough call imo.

Army brat here so spent my childhood up to age of 13 being dragged from piller to post (only two secondary schools thou') For me the toughest bit was when I finally went to a 'civie' school - I might as well have been beamed in from Mars I was so alien to the other kids - it was hell. Both brothers boarded from age of 11 - one loved it and thrived, the other hated it. Personally wouldn't consider boarding a child until they were of secondary school age, and even then I'd listen very carefully to them and how they felt (my mum knows she should have taken my older brother out...)

Take them. The rejection is worse.

Mind you a lot of people career compromise and settle for less in job terms to be stable for the good of children which is another option too.

It really depends on the age of the children. I would think up until age 11 it would be best to take them with you and then at age 11 let them be involved in the decision. IMO younger children need (and want) their parents more than their friends. I also think that living in different countries is definitely an enriching experience. Also if you really will only move every 3-4 years I don't see that as particularly disruptive. Where we live the children change schools every 3-4 years anyway!

I was 'dragged around' until age 11 and then went to boarding school as no secondary school where my parents were.

I got very demoralised changing schools all the time, just as I seemed to settle and 'belong' we moved again. I was desparet to go to boarding school (I was a Malory Towers addict though!)

I loved it. I was there for 7yrs I made life long friends and remained always close to my parents (who are now back in UK living down the road from us.)

I think you have to choose the school VERY carefully thouhg, some are miserable places. Get recommendations from parents and kids.

And as some one else alrady said judge your own child and their suitability. Would they thrive in a (necessarily) sociable and regimented environemnt or are they quite intropective and need to retreat to safty of home away from their peers?

And if they do go, LISTEN to what they say, I know so many where it has been the best days of their lives and others where it's been hell.

I think 11 the youngest to consider and 13 even better if possible.

It is disruptive if you are going into completely different educational systems as a teenager, though, - I know from first hand experience.

All 5 of us moved schools frequently (RAF Kids)Two eldest are RAF officers, I have adegree in Early years, next is a Research Scientist with a BHsc and the youngest a police Inspector, we all loved seeing other countries cultures and yes moving meant leaving friends behind, but we were all pretty adaptable. wouldnt change my school years for anything.

I was dragged around from age 5-10 and loved it!

Based in Africa, felt sorry for my friends when they had to go back to rainy old England to school and I got to stay playing in the creek in the sunshine Learnt a lot about life too, from going to local markets, playing with African children, and seeing another way of life.

My mum said she would have missed me too much, tho' they had the opportunity to send me to boarding school for free. I appreciate my parents kept me with them.

Downside is that I became quite independent and never expected friendships to last for long - as white friends were missing most of the year, and not easy to make close friendships in a different culture.

Definite plus is it broadened my opinions, taught me there's always more to life, and that our culture is not the only or the best. Weirdly it did not make me want to travel later in life - as I'd already done that Now quite like the settled life.

My parents went abroad when I was nearly 13, and my sister and I went to a new school with an entirely different curriculum and lots of nationalities. I stayed there until 18 and loved it.

My aunt and uncle moved around every four years and their children went to boarding school in the UK. It suited two of the children, but one of them - a much more sensitive soul - probably would have been better off with his parents.

My sister is now in a similar position to yours - she and her husband move countries every 2.5 years on average. She has decided to keep her children in IB schools, so at least when they change country there is continuity of curriculum. Basically her choice was between the French sytem (her husband is French) or the IB system, and she went for the IB system. Having said that, she's not overly excited by the quality of the schools she's seen, despite the horribly high fees, and there is an awful lot of turnover in the school population, which is very disruptive. Her children are happy so far, though - they are, fortunately, extremely bright and outgoing.

I live in Paris and I'm going to send my daughter to a French-English bilingual school.

Basically you need to consider that children must have some kind of continuity in their lives at school - the continuity of the parental home is not enough/sufficient. If there is going to be a lot of disruption at school (different language/curriculum/quality of education), you should probably look at boarding school. Otherwise, you can probably keep the children with you.

On the system - I have friends who went to American schools because their parents were going round the world even though they aren't American and I don't think that that is particularly desirable. As far as possible I think it's important to go to a school that is close to one's own culture, especially when you are abroad.

nightynight - what did you think of the European School in Munich?

I went to a European School - and loved it.