What to do? Boarding school or being dragged round the world being educated as well as possible?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Which would you go for, the stability of boarding school and continuity of friends (assuming the DDs are happy to board) or drag them round the world with you, changing school every 3-4 years, either international school or possibly American system?

I chose to 'disrupt' my education as a teen and spend a year living in France.

My ex H's dad was a high-ranking diplomat, they moved a lot - including his final year of high school. His German mother refused to send them to boarding school.

He survived. He's shy by nature, but moving around really helped him mature emotionally and socially and, he feels, was therefore crucial to his success in the business world.

I don't understand the English emphasis on 'continuity of friends' and the like - I made my two best friends in the world when I was in my mid-20s. Make new and lasting friendships all the time.

My dad was a petroleum engineer. We moved around a lot.

Some of his colleagues sent their kids to board abroad instead.

Sorry, sweeping generalisation here, but every one of those kids became f*&ked up - drugs, mostly, screwing around, or just became not very nice people.

Without a doubt, I'd take them with me.

if it was months every 3-4 months then I might concider boarding but its 3-4 yrs.

boarding school wouldn't even enter my head.

I would say it depends on your kids. My son changed schools and countries and is luckily a sociable friendly lad who makes friends quite easily. You have to remember it is really stressful to start a new school so kids need a lot of support and parental involvement, mums most often have to join school to. Making friends with other parents and seeking out a lot of activites in the new country will help a lot.
Trying to seek out schools following same system ie: British/ US helps in the continuum but sometimes topics get taught in a different order. My son still complains about having learned about replicating a year when he changed schools at 9.
At 12 we decided to try boarding school as here in Zanzibar there isn't a decent secondary option. The idea being if he loves it he stays if he hates it we try something else. Fortunately he loved it, after the first week. Now we're stuck trying to pay for it! I on the other hand feel cheated out of the teenage years.. And totally miss being a mum, hence new babe due in Aug!
We found a nice sensible Northern UK school, very full curriculum. And I have to say the results speak for themselves, my son now 15 is turning into a very nice young man.

Generally I would say take them with you without hesitation.

But... I think it's important for them to know that they would have the option to board in the UK if that's what they wanted.

international school.
as someone whose parents travelled quite a bit when she was younger, and had to change schools, yes it is hard. but it is also an education in itself.
however, be prepared for your kids to turn into, hmm, dont know how to put it really. sort of being very aware of their race, and stuff.

It depends on a lot of factors, eg how disrupted their education would be taking them with you, do you have relatives in the UK who would be willing to act as guardians, and they could stay with during exeats, are there international schools where you are going?

I don't think the American system is particularly great, so would prefer an IB school or British curriculum. An international school is great for intergrating your child quickly because of the sensitivity to the situation and the cultural diversity. However, it's not just your child that is there for a short time, it's most of the other kids as well. They come and go at all times, so making friends can be difficult if your child is not particularly outgoing.

The right boarding school in the UK could offer fantastic opportunities to your child. They are not what they were like 30-40 years ago. Life is very different now, especially with email, MSN etc. Depending on where you live and how much money there is to go around, you could still see your child every half-term (unless they want to pop off to the Alps with their new friends )

Unless you are absolutely opposed to boarding out of principle, then I don't think you can just say one way is right and the other wrong. It depends on a lot of factors (and probably some that you don't know the answer to at this time).

I think I would take them with me until their last 3 or so years of school. Dh went to boarding school and absolutley loved it (same for about half my friends).
I think most kids get a lot out of it so long as they don't start till they have the emotional maturity to be reasonably independent. I would also think that the international expereince would help to prepare them and give them that maturity.
Great combo IMO!

I think Fortyplus is right. Whichever option you go for let them know the other option is available so if it is really not suiting them, changes can be made and they can feel free to express that, witout 'disppointing' you.

I loved boarding and most I know who boardede did. But some REALLY don't.

Take them with you!! What an amazing experience. I wish someone would drag me around to exotic places!!!

I would take them, at least initially. If it turns out that they suffer dreadfully at each move you can give them the choice to go to boarding school if they prefer.

I was a boarder, daughter of a soldier. I hated it and missed home dreadfully. That said, I was sent because I got so upset every time we moved. Very difficult choice imho.

There is my third way choice which is compromise on your career and settle. No one is forced to be nomadic. Being in one place with children at one day school may be the right choice.

take the kids with you - they'll learn so much from the international environment and the different cultures they'll live in.

Neither is ideal for children actually IMO.

Maybe xenia is right. If you want to put the children first and you CAN then stay in one place.

I don't know. I was over the moon with enthusiasm when my parents told us we were moving abroad when I was 12. And when I compare what my life would have been like had we stayed put versus what it has been... well, I'm really glad we moved. Much more fun. Far more experiences.

Was it just one move though Anna?

We moved regualrly and I cried my heart out every time. Leaving my 'best friend' behind AGAIN.
Very distressing for my parents to have to do this too me too. I really wanted stability and to belong somewhere. I personally got that at boarding school.

Now I do think how interesting it was to live and experience all those differnt places.
I'm 'oh SO interesting at dinner partie'.
But when I really think back, at the time I wasn't interested in cultural experiences I just wanted a group of friends, to not keep starting again and to not be the new girl.

hmm It is a difficult one . Primary aged I'd have little hesitation in saying keep them with you but secondary is diffferent . If you are likely to move 2 or even 3 times duirng that time , potentially not being able to find schools to maintain the educational continuity (some do IB, some would do British exams, some follow the US system or a local system ) then a boarding school is appealing. Would n't be my first choice but I know others who have, successfully for all or part of their or their kids secondary education.

As to how much they can learn from the experience, the reality is that short term expats tend to socialise within their own communities based around multi-national companies, compounds/particular housing areas or English speaking schools so local interaction is limited for many. Also children can develop a sense of 3rd culture , removed from that of their country of origin but not part of a local community either, which is particularly a problem the more transient they are and if they eventually have to integrate "back home".

I was dragged and was very unhappy, even though most of the dragging was to a country I was supposed to consider home.

But then my parents are very bad at parenting.

Can I just say that being with one's parents in another country from one's friends and home is not, far from it, necessarily a Great Big Fun adventure. Children's lives are much, much more than just their mum and dad once they're over school age.

Just from my own experience - definitely the second. I was dragged and loved international schools. I've got friends in bizarre places, which is great!

And the schools I went to - especially the posh international one I went to at 13 - weren't a patch on my local comprehensive.

In fact the whole experience of being with my family put me off my family, and the concept of families itself, pretty permanently.

outraged - just one move with my parents. Then spent the years from 18-25 all over the place because I had caught the bug.

Can we conclude there is no easy answer to this then.

Ah well you see Anna I would say that one move is managable. It's the repeated feeling of always moving on after you've settled wich can be distressing.

And after 18, it's then your own personal advernbture and a different thing.