Dreamer of dreams,born out of my due time, Why should I strive to set the crooked straight. Wm Morris

[indignatio]

Hopefully the link from the other thread will work

My stats

ds is 4.5 - summer born
In reception class

Has issues with:-
Easy distractability (school work and practical tasks)
Concentration problems when not totally engaged by something (95% of the time)
Fidgeting
Getting "lost" in the middle of a complicated sentence/explaination.
Bossy manner
Isolation at school
Poor eye contact
Repetition of sentences until he hears the acknowledgement
No herding instinct

On the positive
Very loving boy
Exceptional reader for his age
Good at maths
Lots of "home" friends
If gripped by something, can concentrate on it for ages

dx:
teacher initially thought he might have dyspraxia - no longer thinks so.
I consider that he has more add traits, but would not go so far as to say he has add.
SENCO to informally assess him next week and then meeting to be arranged with parents, teacher and senco shortly thereafter.

Not sure what else I should put in.

There was a girl at DS1's old school that he wanted to marry - he said they were going to have 16 children and he would only change nappies at weekends!

"throw" him out in the hedge even.

ds is also engaged. He is going to marry a girl in his class. His supply teacher asked if she could come to the wedding. Ds told her that she couldn't as she would be dead by then

Maggie - what do you think she meant by "these children" ?

DS3 is the only one of my sons with a girlfriend! And it's been going on for a few years now - I first realised something was going on when she sent him four Christmas cards. (And she's a school governor's daughter too - what are the school on about saying he's got social skills problems ??? )

Can anyone tell me about Global Developmental Delay? I've just written another report as part of DS's statutory assessment and it started me thinking though I'm aware of the dangers of self-diagnosing that maggiems (I think) mentioned.

Sorry to keep asking questions btw but this statement (or not) thing is preying on my mind!

Castles - if you post on SEN there'll be lots of people who can help you. I know very little about it I'm afraid but I know there are people on that board who do.

Indignatio - rofl at your DS!

Interesting all this girlfriend business - as I said earlier I was talking to DS2's therapist about DS1 last week. She said that in their experience 'quirky' boys of 5,6 and 7 often make friends with girls rather than boys. Something about intellectual development in advance of physical? Made me feel good anyway

DS1 reckons the girls like him because 'I told them I don't punch'.

Indignatio - not sure what she meant really. So nervous when I'm in there I cant think straight. I think she just meant the sort of children who have an uneven development pattern and who are good at some things and not so good at others. She said it after I mentioned that I thought his balance was ok as he was riding his bike.
castles - dont know much about GDD apart from the obvious fact that all areas of development have to be delayed . I think i remember someone saying on mumsnet that they didnt agree with the term as a delay implies that a child can catch up whereas I think this is not likely in GDD cases. i wouldnt have thought your Ds fitted that category. hasnt he got a high IQ?

Hey ladies

I have just been reading the SN section and was directed here. Can I join in?

Stats

DS 5.2yrs
born 9 weeks early

issues:
poor co-ordination
Dressing problems
Poor memory
often in "own world"
Swings and throws arms and legs about constantly
very emotional
Slow at schoolwork (otfen causing upset!)
Cant run very fast (also causes upset)
Constantly covered in bruises
Always falling over
Always running into things
Poor sleeper
Messy Eater
poor concentration
Often repeats till answered

Talks all the time as if hes afraid we will forget hes there iykwim??

He is a happy boy most of the time, very loving (or at least tries to be, a little heavy handed though)

We just had an incident where he fell on small babys head and ended up in A+E!

I hae only recently started doing research (feel so bad!) SPoke to his teacher we are now awaiting a visit and asessment from Ed Pysch!

hope to get to know you all, have thread saved in favourties now!

Aslo quick question? Would Packed lunches be easier for him?

tia

Julie x

Hi Julezboo

Welcome - you'll get a lot of good advice and support on here. In answer to your question - I would say packed luches are easier because of not having to use cutlery. I always give DS1 things that are easy to eat, unlikely to be spilt etc - and I put a bit of kitchen roll or wet wipe in the lunch box too.

Hope you get your Ed Psych appt quickly!

Indignatio - I read your observations of your child and you could have been describing my son. I have not read all of this thread - was just lured here by the lovely title. I am the mother of 3 (soon to be 4) and my second son, aged 11, is dreamy dreamy dreamy. I have never thought this odd as I was very dreamy as a child myself. He plays mostly alone although he is very popular with his peers. He is shy but has inner confidence. He has a wonderful retentive memory. He is very bright. He is clumsy but loves sport all the same, he is actually becoming quite a fine cricketer. He plays a game on his own whereby he twirls his arms and legs around and fights imaginary enemies, lots of whooshing and sword twirling. He has got to 11 and has just got into a highly academic independent school for next september. After reading this thread I wonder if I should have been/be worried about him.

That description made me laugh, because it is so much like DS1! He is exactly like that. He also has an extremely retentive memory, but not much application. Not shy though. Pretty clumsy, but suddenly determined to be good at soccer.

This thread is a comfort to me.....

Hi Julezboo & Caroline 1852. Good luck with the ed psych thing Julezboo. I've been through it all so if you ever need a shoulder to weep on ...! I don't think you should be worried about your DS Caroline, if anything he will give many of us with younger children a lot of hope. I love hearing about older dreamers and their progress

I've just heard today that DS is definitely going to get some classroom support. It's just a question of what and how much. I think we are lucky as in another school or under another teacher, he might have been overlooked.

What a reassuring post Caroline - DS1(5) is another twirler and fighter of imaginary enemies.

Hey girls

Thankyou for the welcome. Its been a hard day today, All of a sudden out of the blue around 6 weeks ago now Mattthew started screaming and crying and clinging to me when going into school Its slowly wearing me out, I get awful upset leaving him in that state. When we have asked him why, he says its cos hes slowler than all the other kids in the class and he forgets what i look like.

Any tips?

We know hes not getting bullied, hes friends with most in his class, also has his own group of little friends. Quite often ive let him take in his superman toy into school. Ive bribed him with 20p a day for each day he doesnt go into school crying.

His teacher says hes absolutely fine once hes in class, very chatty and friends with everyone.

Welcome Julesboo - sorry I don't have any advice - I'm sure someone will be along shortly who may be able to help

Caroline - thanks for the imput from a mother of a slightly older child.

This thread is also a comfort to me

Anyone else had particularly dreamy/problematic child today ?

I ask as ds has had one of his worse days - crying at school because he couldn't go on the computer ... wet pants this afternoon .... not playing with his playdate ... BUT he did read aloud to the class for the first time today (I know I was stressed about that ... although he did not seem to be) and the teacher has asked him to read to them every week. So that is today's silver lining and positive imput.

I have now read this long thread and it is so interesting. I think all children are somewhere on the spectrum of dreamy and non dreamy and I am not convinced looking for a label for the dreamy ones is necessarily a helpful pursuit. The truth is we all struggle with some aspects of life. My 15 yo is not in the least bit dreamy. He is outwardly confident and always did run with the crowd. My 11 yo on the other hand has spent many of his school playground hours over his primary years playing alone. Looking back I can see that I have perhaps foisted boys upon him who he could have lived without (school contemporaries who live round the corner etc). I should have just accepted that he does not "need" someone to play with. I was a bit conditioned by my older son who always liked to have friends around at every opportunity. Watching them now they are older, I see that the oldest's confidence is somewhat dependent upon the approval of his peers whereas my 11 yo is outwardly shy but on the inside he is actually very self assured. I am almost certain I could have found a label for him, I suspect he might be mildly something or other, but I think in retrospect that I am glad I have not interfered and artificially tried to mould his natural personality into something that is more acceptable to what we think is normal. Just a thought.

Beautifully put Caroline and I totally agree with you. Your post is a great comfort to me, as I strive not to change DS's nature whilst finding ways to get him appropriate help for his language difficulties.

I can recognise in myself just what you describe - the feeling that DS1 OUGHT to play more with other children when in fact he's perfectly happy playing on his own for much of the time. I was a terrible 'fitter-in' at school - no self confidence at all - whereas DS1 definitely has that 'inner strength' that you describe.

I totally agree btw with pursuing help for them with any difficulties which might cause anxiety for a dreamy child. The measure should always be: Am I doing this for him/her or am I really doing this for me so that he/she fits into the normal child mould and does not appear somehow odd.

Caroline, this thread helps me to see that there are a lot of round holes which my square peg doesn't fit and nor should he be made/expected to. It also helps with advice on specific problems such as how to encourage quick dressing when it is necessary to dress quickly rather than wander around in just socks for half an hour getting distracted by anything and everything.

Also stories like yours (well your ds2) are encouraging as (to me) they show that dreamers can do well in real life without their uniqueness being crushed. Congratulations to your ds. Can you share the name of the school which realised your dreamer would be an asset? If that is too much personal information, feel free to ignore my last request.

I think the important thing with any child (dreamy or not) is to concentrate on things that they are good at or enjoy and make the things that they are not so hot at as hassle and conflict-free as possible. My 11 year old is a slow dresser too. Every single morning the last thing I say to him as we leave the house is "flies"! They are invariably undone. He has been wearing school trousers/shorts with flies for 6 years. You really would have thought it would be automatic by now but he is busy in his head working out the precise likelihood based on the last 25 years' stats of an unseeded player winning at Wimbledon or some other much more important business than the prosaic task of getting dressed. He was potty trained at 18 months yet he still forgets to lift the toilet seat at 11. Life is never boring with a dreamy child, his observations on life are truly fascinating. Personally, I love his off-beat thinking and think that in the long run it will stand him in good stead.

What lovely posts Caroline. They really have made me think about how I sometimes am inclined to forget Dt2's lovely qualities and how I focus on trying to get him to be something other than himself, probably more for my sake than for his, as he is perfectly happy and by in large confident being himself.

Its great that your Ds has done so well and that you can be dreamy when you get older but still do well.

Hope your pregnancy is going smoothly .Who knows you may get anothr dreamer!
Please post again

Feeling a bit down tonight. DS1 has just started a new school, as you know, and everything has been going well. He's made friends with some of the girls but he's not a natural 'mixer' really and he tends just to stand with me before school when the other kids are rushing around or talking to one another. Today after school he said that some of the boys had been teasing him, calling him an 'alien'. He said that he told them to stop and when they wouldn't, he told his teacher. We had a chat about it and thought of some jokey replies he could give if it happened again.

The thing is that this is the sort of comment I wouldn't worry about at all if he WASN'T different. But because I can see that he is, particularly from other boys his age, it worries me a lot more.

Any advice on how to help children cope with teasing/being different would be much appreciated. I have to say that, although it obviously bothered him, he was pretty matter of fact and sensible about the whole thing. It's me that's anxious!

Oh, and apparently I am an alien too . I wondered why no-one was talking to me in the playground...

sphil, I've been an alien since I started school at five not speaking with the local accent, having pills to take and going home for lunch so never being seen eating ordinary food. I think the important thing is not to appear confident and completely unbothered by the differences - your son is on the right lines (and I very definitely wasn't, but that's a long and sorry story).

My children have had plenty of practice over the "difference" issue because of being vegetarian, atheist and not having a television set. The only one who's had any really significant bullying problems so far is DS1 who supposedly has good social skills.

I presume you left the great sex with bored housewives out of your planned ripostes?

As you, your son and I are all aliens, surely one of us must be able to land the Tardis on the Giant's Causeway to get maggiems to the meet-up? Have to look on the bright side...