How you afford private school fees?

[notsurehowtodothis]

This isn't intended to be a state vs. private school debate. We are just looking at all the options locally for our two DCs including both state and private schooling and, as our local private schools are in the region of £15-18k per child per year, I just wondered for those of you who pay for private schooling, especially for more than one child, how you find it (as in, what's it like, not 'where' you find it!) making such significant payments each year? And if you've found any great ways to make the payments easier? DH and I only have three viable kidneys between us so options there are limited.....

Absolutely agree that Private education isn't something everyone should or needs to desire for their kids.
For the marginal middle classes, for whom paying for it is a possibility if they plan ahead and choose smaller houses in cheaper areas, to work more and lead a more frugal lifestyle (and as I stress, these people are in the minority....but a bigger minority than those who choose private education) it may well be that they decide their family will be better off and gain more overall if they choose state education and can then have a bigger house, more holidays, a better pension, money to give to children as a house deposit etc. Really are no right answers, but recognising that a certain group of people for whom the decision is marginal (ie not those who will never be able to afford bit whatever their choices, and not those who will always be able to have private education without any impact of D significance on their other spending) do have a choice, and that the earlier dope think and financially plan ahead, the more choices are open to them, regardless of which one they eventually go with.

And re scholarships etc, as many have said, scholarships are typically nominal. They will help a bit, but are unlikely to swing a 'can't afford it' person into the 'can afford it' camp. And while bursaries if hugely generous (80%+ off fees) might swing it, they often don't either.....because a 40 or 50% bursary whilst generous still leaves multiple thousands to be paid, which those who meet the income criteria often just don't have. I know of a number of. Stretched middle class low paid professionals who applied for independent school places hoping for a 100% bursary, who were then offered 50% and had to say no to it. They just couldn't afford the £7k they would still need to find.......and then feel t a bit cheated too, because they had formed out the £100 reg fee and paid for some Bond books, under the impression they would be offered much more if child reached the standard. So bursaries didn't allow them to access the school.

Ours (£30k in total for our 2 dcs) is paid for out of income. I have no idea how others fund it. Just not a conversation I have had with other parents!

Bursary applications take dividends in to account, they also assess savings and house equity.

Maybe OP should change the topic to How to save the money to pay for the private school, to get people who are just able to afford the fee with careful planing to give some tips?

I have 3 children. We have good jobs and earn well and theoretically could probably have sent the kids private. However we went state - mainly because I could not cope with the idea of paying out that much every year. My DH was made redundant a few years ago when the dc were small and in childcare. For a while my earnings only just covered the childcare and all our savings were used up paying the mortgage and living costs while he searched for another job. We could not stop paying the childcare otherwise when he did get a job I would have had to pack mine in!

This makes me feel vulnerable still and so committing to years of private fees was just too scary! I was also scared of constantly being aware of the cost and nagging the kids with the phrase "do you know how much this is costing us"!

We were both state educated, went to university and have good jobs. DH's older brother was privately educated but got into drugs and has been on benefits for nearly his whole life. So in our family experience - private has not got a great reputation!

We use the money not spent on school fees to pay for overseas school trips, extra curricular activities and family holidays. We also plan to help the kids with university costs if that is what they choose and have savings plans set up for each of them.

Thanks everyone. All very helpful x

I can totally see why you made the choices you did. Peace of mind is so important.
What gives peace of mind varies and is influenced by past experiences, plus the level of condfidence you have in your child and also in local schools, plus your own ability to be an influence.
I can see why people who can afford it don't choose private if they are near good state secondaries, have able children and feel confident in their own abilities to help a child develop both motivation and curriculum wise. All of this is more likely if you have had a positive experience of state education yourself or know kids who have recently been successful from state schools and mix with adults whose kids have done this. The fear which often drives people into private education is then removed. I can also see that if finances are unstable or if there is a fear on instability based on past experiences, private might hinder peace of mind rather than helping it.

I do think there is a lot of fear about state schools. In some areas they are truly crap and there is no denying that, but in many areas they are good, but people still feel afraid of them......I think it's particularly if they haven't known adults with kids who have been there and been successful, or simply don't know much about modern education and so are easily swayed by fear mongering or rumour. I guess if people have never been to a state school themselves or really known successful people who have, again, a narrow experience can bolster fear. And private helps remove the fear and provide peace of mind.

If we have the choice of private or not, then we are lucky......because we can go for the option which seems best for our own kids, our own family circumstances and our own peace of mind. What a fortunate position to be in, regardless of the choice we make. Financial planning ahead (such as over paying mortgage as much as possible from very early days) plus keeping a lid on outgoings in early days can allow that choice to be a reality later on for people with good incomes. At the point if choice, people might be able to choose private or to then get the big house. Not so possible for many, if they chose the big house early on or still have a huge mortgage. These things in particular, in my mind restrict choice for those who have 2 good, but not spectacular incomes. That planning ahead needs to happen from the 20s, not just the year before kids start school.

I confess that I have not read the whole thread so please excuse me if this has already been said:

I know someone with a wealthy parent who is going to leave everything to them. The parent (grandparent of child at private school) has enough assets to be over the inheritance tax threshold. I. E. When they die and give all their money to their daughter, their daughter will have to pay tax on some of the money they receive.

The daughter explained this to her parent and suggested, to try and mitigate inheritance tax, that the parent should pay the children's school fees. The parent was delighted to do so.

In this instance, I think it was sensible to ask for financial help from the grandparent of the child.

50% bursary
Grandparent pays another 25%
Rest paid in monthly instalments

But a grandparent has to pay fees out of income , not just savings, or it is classed as a gift. So it's only an option for very wealthy gps. Furthermore, don't count your chickens: a few years ago we might have hoped for a decent inheritance from pil. Both began to suffer from dementia and now care home fees have marched through nearly £500K.

I sat next to a school bursar at a lunch recently. She was telling me that she has heard it all on the hardship front, and particularly common is the "abandoned wife" with no income. She said they tend to melt away when told that some proof is required.

We could have afforded private schools, I suppose, but would have been paying out of income alone. I don't think dh or I would have slept a wink at night knowing that we had to stump up a certain salary for years to come. Different if you're in a very secure job, but dh's sector is very mercurial.

Rhoda - a lot of grandparents work though. Both my and dhs parents still work, they are between 55-70. They also both have properties they rent out, and dividends from businesses both which would stay even when they retire.

As I said, wealthy grandparents, no matter their age or where their income comes from. What gps can't do is think, "I've £250K in the bank, I'll give it to Mary and John for the school fees."

Bil is an accountant for quite wealthy people. He was saying that even the most financially literate people have to be reminded that school fees come out of taxed income. So if you earn £100K that's about £40K (two kids) out of £65K, which is quite a big ask.

Our daughter's fees come from her grandpa's income. As was pointed out earlier, if it's from savings it's a gift and can be liable for inheritance tax (although I'm not sure how commonly this really happens). However, I'd feel really uncomfortable if we couldn't afford to pay the fees ourselves if we had to. DFIL is getting older and frailer and the last thing we would want to be is a financial worry for him. He knows that he just has to ask and we will pick up the bill but at the moment he wants to pay.
Most of the parents I know seem to pay for the fees themselves, from their incomes, although I suspect most people would have money set aside also. Jobs are varied and by no means are all doctors and lawyers. I know lots of doctors and lawyers and only a few have opted for private school. Some school parents drive flashy cars and go on flashy holidays, but I'm not sure how strongly that ever correlates with how wealthy a family is.

My experience is that the wealthy usually have family trust funds to avoid hassle over capital gains, to get tax and charitable status allowance and to allow for investment to accrue interest from which fees are paid rather than eating into capital. We are rare amongst friends for not having a trust.