If you are at a fee paying school, do children know?

[Parky22]

DD is 6 and currently Y1 at a fee paying school that ends at Y2.
I have been to open days for the next schools and a headmaster has said how they want the children to know they are in a privileged position.
Also heard another mum state that if her child gets a scholarship she has promised them 10% of what they save.
Should the children know about fees/scholarships/bursaries and at what age should they know?

All 3 of my children have SN, and all 3 are at private school - 1 in a private special school, the other 2 in private mainstream.

I grew up on a sink estate, and went to private school by dint of scholarships (both prep and secondary).

It really is nonsense to generalise (although it makes for good goading).

I think children should be made aware of their privileges. It may stop them being arrogant and judgemental of other people who are less successful in education and in the job market than they are, when they realise that they have had twice as much money invested in helping them learn as 90% of the rest of the population.

It's right that they should be aware of these things before they leave school. They should always be aware that there will be people working beneath them when they are adults who are brighter than they are, but who have simply not had the educational advantages that they've had.

"My friends kids go to a couple of state schools with amazing facilities in a very nice part of town"

These children will still have approximately half the spend on education per head than children at your average private school.

Private schools pretty much guarantee that your child will not come into contact with a poor and low achieving child. This sort of child is 100% absent from all mainstream private schools.

I totally agree mini. My ds met someone from a failing comp recently and was rather flabbergasted that he did not get any GCSE options. I often remind mine that they have been given this opportunity and should not waste it wrt schooling.

Anna, why would they know they sat an entrance exam?

Mine got in at 5+ and we really downplayed the assessment. They thought they were just going in to do some activities with their teachers friend.

They are aware we pay and love their school and are very proud of it. But we don't make a big deal out of paying and they have no idea how much. It was our decision and not theirs and I don't want them to feel beholden to us.

My children know that they are at private school and know thai I work bloody hard to send them. They realise that they are lucky to go there - we have made many sacrifices to send them there. Are they privileged? - educationally - probably. Everything else is pretty normal - we certainly aren't living the high life.

Mini, I have no idea whether the people who work for me or who I work for went to state or independent school.

Private schools pretty much guarantee that your child will not come into contact with a poor and low achieving child. This sort of child is 100% absent from all mainstream private schools.

Pretty sure there are some relatively poor people at DS school and other DS previous school as there's a reasonable number of freeloaders on Bursaries.

Low achievers - yes I'm sure you are correct, but there will be contact with them as time goes by when they start asking DS... "Would you like fries with that?"

SAHD

Believe me there are a lot of ex private school pupils saying 'would you like fries with that?' For a large number of reasons!

Ha I'm sure there are. I don't like the term low achieved anyway, so what if someone is academically less bright they are an individual and will find their way in life how they choose. And academically less bright doesn't mean they won't rise to the top, I've worked for a couple of them - one an ex petrol pump attendant - and visited their country estate!

Ha! I get it now...I went to a comp..a boy couple of years below me was a nightmare..got suspended for threatening a teacher with an air pistol...left with a couple of CSEs..now lives in a 5 bed house and sends his DC private...has done very well with his own business..
My DC were privately educated(freeloading bursary pupils )..amongst their year group peers is a drug dealer and a jihadist (both currently at HMP)

I don't like the term low-achievers either, but the sad reality is that there are some crap schools where there are no opportunities to be anything other than that. No subject choices for those who are perhaps more academically able, no vocational alternatives for those who aren't and no sport available either. It is such an unfair system.

Yes mine know. It's talked about openly at school as far as I know, my eldest certainly knows a classmate is there with a scholarship. They know how much it costs too because they've asked so I answered. They also know we can't afford the fees for secondary! Basically, I just think being open and honest with your children is the way to go.

It depends on the age of the children and whether the local school is nearer / very close. All mine know - but the youngest 9 is probably only aware that we pay as she has older siblings. She does know that she has smaller classes, subject teachers, playing fields, and much longer holidays. They all know that they have a privileged upbringing financially - far removed from my childhood. I also want them to realise that this is down to hard work and some luck (house prices when we bought and we chose jobs in the private sector that paid well). They may well not be able to replicate the same lifestyle when they're older so I want them not only to realise that they're lucky/ to value what they have but also to realise it's 'not the norm'. Yes it's our choice and not theirs - in years to come they may well wish we had saved our money for when they're older. At the moment they're getting (and making the most of) a great educational experience.

DD (aged about 6-7?) "You can tell which schools are private schools. They wear complicated skirts"

Mine knew - of course they did, it would be beyond disengenous to keep it a secret.

they didn't know the amount of scholarships though (mainly as one got lots more than another one!)

Mine don't. Why should they? To them it's school. It is local, lots of the kids at clubs go there too.

I think most of the children that we know who go to private school know.
What I find annoying, and I think it is the ethos at the local private school, is how they change from being lovely, decent kids when they are at state primary to arrogant kids who think they are better than state school pupils. DD is a member of a sports club where the majority of children go to private school at age 11, she has seen countless friends change and start to look down on her because she's "not as good because she's state school not private"

The parents giving their child 10% if they get a scholarship is disgusting; their child could be taking the place of a child who's parents genuinely cannot afford to send their child without the scholarship

"No subject choices for those who are perhaps more academically able"

Well, perhaps if high achieving kids weren't overwhelmingly ABSENT from the worst schools, and these schools were given the same amount of cash per head as is being spent on children in private schools (currently kids at state school have about half as much spent per head compared to kids from private schools) they could afford to offer a wider range of subjects for small groups of top set children.

"Pretty sure there are some relatively poor people at DS school"

The only poor children at private schools will be clever and high achieving. Because if they weren't the private school wouldn't be offering them a bursary.

The 'disadvantaged' children I know who attend private schools on good bursaries are disadvantaged in only one way - they come from households with low incomes. In every other way they are massively advantaged because each and every one is bright, and has intelligent, involved and hugely supportive parents who are guiding them and helping them every inch of the way. And many of these children come from households where one or both parents are graduates.

"The parents giving their child 10% if they get a scholarship is disgusting; their child could be taking the place of a child who's parents genuinely cannot afford to send their child without the scholarship"

Scholarships go to the most able (eg academically, sport, art, music, drama, all-rounder), and the trend is that they are becoming less valuable in cash terms, many being purely honourary (10% of nothing still being nothing....)

It is bursaries which are the awards for to those who cannot otherwise afford the fees. They can be very generous (I know of schools where they can exceed 100% of the fees to include a uniform allowance, some school trips and even transport to school). But that's not the type of award where the parents mentioned by the OP hold.

Some pupils of course hold both types of award.

Privileged because they are not in poverty, because they live in decent housing and their parents can afford holidays, cars, decent clothing, meals out etc. Surely those children are aware that not all children live without financial worry and that they are in a more comfortable position?

My DC go to a state school, but we live in a "nice" area...all their friends have nice things. I don't think they have any idea how privileged they are. even thigh I occasionally rant

As a child I was always aware my parents paid fees. But I would never have known, or cared, how much. I also which siblings had scholarships. My mother would have loved stealth boating about it.