private v state - how to choose?

[Silvertap]

Hello, we're in the process of looking at schools for our 2 DC's. Both are only still at nursery and due to start over the next two years.

We both went to independent schools so it's a system we both know and have done very well out of.

We've done a fair bit (OK, maybe waaay too much) of research on the local independent schools. The one we've registered them for is the one we think is the best independent locally with the best chance of getting into the best senior school. We've looked at the senior schools to help that decision.

I want to look at the state options but I'm already floundering. Looking up our local primary and secondary the former doesn't even have an open day and the latter just has an open evening once a year in October. I also worry that if we went state with an idea of a secondary in mind we might not get in for catchment reasons. Is it ok just to ring these schools and ask to look round?

I'm aware that all sorts of things might come out in the wash meaning the senior school we are aiming at isn't right for the children as they get older.

We are very lucky that we can comfortably afford private. If we choose this route it shouldn't impact our quality of life or opportunities that much. We lint live extravagant lives now and I can't see that changing.

Then we start discussing whether we'd be better off investing the money for our kids and when you add it up its such a lot of money. Is it worth it basically?

Sorry for waffling! I guess my questions are:

1. How to judge state schools when k don't know the system
2. if we can comfortably afford it is it a bit of a no brainer to go private?

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I think some of it depends on what DC home life is like . If I was going to be a SAHM I would happily send DD to our local "Good" rated primary, ferry her about to activities and do any extra work with her at home if it was needed. As it is I will be working full time and am not going to be around to do all of this. I don't want DD in a class of 30 + all day where she may be overlooked, then sent to a childminders. So we are sending her private from reception, where the wraparound care is great, she will be in a class of 14 and will do reading and any extra curricular activities she wants too, leaving our weekends free. I freely admit this will also go someway towards salvaging my full working mother guilt !! It will be half my salary exactly but we think it will be worth it.

if you think that it is merely the private school that results in why ex-private school kids tend to do better than state kids, you're naive. the really smart boy from the local comp will 9 times out of 10 not do as well as the thicko from Eton, Harrow, etc. Rich mummy and daddys funding everything, contacts in high place, old boy networks, parents/relatives with silly amounts of capital to invest in their kids ideas, and also the mere fact that they have the word Eton, St Pauls, or any other such ghastly institution also goes a long way, perhaps the furthest at all. It's called the perpetuation of privilege and preserving the power structure than anything as silly as how bright the kid is.

come on, let us at least be honest.

My DSs started at a state infant school, by the time he finished we realised he needed far more attention than he received. DS1 was clever enough, but found it extremely difficult to get in with his work and faffed around constantly, but not in a way which was disruptive to the class. He would write 3 lined while others wrote a page.... the teacher told be that because he was capable of doing the work they had to spend their time with other children who needed help in comprehending he work. Apparently the fact he couldn't do the work for reasons other than intelligence was not enough to get him extra assistance. This was an 'outstanding' school. None of this was due to being SN, so that wasn't a route we could go down to ask for extra help.

At his private school the teachers have worked with him, setting small manageable tasks with a timer in his desk, checking up on him frequently. Slowly but surely he is getting there. I firmly believe that he would be close to failing at the only state school he would have got into, and likely to be failing at any oher school wih 30 oor more children in the class. He is now in a class of 13 - 27 in the year group.

His improvement has been massive, he is slowy starting to learn to self manage his time and work load. Because of this improvement we sent DS2 before he finished infant school as i could see him heading down the same road. They are working on this issue before it reaches the levels DS1's did, and he is ding amazingly well.

Thanks for more ideas and comments everyone. It's interesting about the "glossiness". My parents came from a rather poor background and have spent a lot of their life being intimidated by what they deem to lbe more intelligent people. My dad will treat anything his accountant says as law without ever questioning it. He's always doubting his decisions. He runs an incredibly successful business that is mostly down to him! I seem to be a lot more socially confident with all sorts of people and have a lot more faith in my own ability.

I do know the schools in the area by reputation already as I grew up here and a lot of my friends went to other schools and now have children there.

I will be booking in to see our two local state options this September but in the meantime both DC's are registered for independent.

I'd look at the criteria for you local state schools, I made the mistake of not doing this. There are two outstanding primaries near me, both of which we didn't get into despite them being the closest to us as they were faith schools.

We had to walk past them to get to the one we were offered, in special measures. I looked round three times and couldn't bring myself to send my children there. They are. In a local independent.

Make sure you have a chance to get into the school you want before you decide on state.

Thanks lunar. One of the two we'd have a very good chance of getting into as we live really close. The other is a nearby village that would be a long shot but people are lucky some years.