This has been an interesting thread. We're in SE London (locals will know where from name). DC1 (DS) is in y7 at SS grammar. GS is a great fit for him: he's quiet, a book worm, very self-contained. He is - for good and bad - impervious to his peers.
DD1 is Y5. Like brother, top table, but not top kid. (HT at the GS said to be realistic, it's not enough for your child to be on the top table, but should also be top of that table.)
However, DD is far more successful socially, loves art, drama, dance, having friends over - in short, probably much more well-rounded!
So - we looked at the SS girls grammar. For reasons of commuting, only considering this one. And, to our disappointment, we didn't love it. Lovely girls, know people with girls there who are very happy. But... We just knew with DS, it was like looking at houses and thinking 'this is the one'.
So, as people have said above, we're going to let her try - but don't think she'll get in, and even if she did, not sure it is the right school for her. I wouldn't want her to struggle at the 'bottom': she might be better at a different school, in a top set, and in a little less pressurised academic environment.
But she wants to try, and talks about catching the train with her brother , so we feel we need to prep her like we prepped him. So far, she flies with NVR but as she rarely picks up a book, her vobabulary is a weak point, and so VR can be tricky.
I would be so grateful for any tips on how I could work on this with her. (I know the best thing she could do would read...).