Thread For Boarders

[morethanpotatoprints]

Just thought I'd start a support thread for those either starting this september or established boarders happy to help those with many queries.

There are quite often individual threads for particular schools but it doesn't necessarily say whether boarding, day, private or state in the title. So I thought this would be a good way of getting us all together and also for those people from overseas looking for particular types of schools.

My dd is starting in sept and will weekly board, atm I am gathering uniform and other essential items and will begin the labelling process soon.
I do quite like this as sad as it seems, I find hand sewing very therapeutic and relaxing for some reason.

Thank you,I think he thought he could do very little a still be top.He has been given a wake up call.I expected the boarding side of things to be an issue not academics.Glad to hear your DD to back to her usual standard.

Interesting Lovely - someone posted almost exactly the same query recently about their DD. So I guess this issue is coming up in every boarding prep across the country round this time - when parents assume children should have settled in and rocketed to the top-of-the-class position they held in their previous school.

But you say he has settled into the boarding side of things really well,loves the school and has made friends? All of that takes a huge amount of effort - something has to fall by the wayside.

You don't say why he started in January (presumably?). But the poor child has had one term to find his feet. Have you congratulated him?

Lovely I remember DH's good advice to DS that the first priority is settling in and friendships. Boarders then have to get used to not having their parents to remind them or motivate for daily prep. I think boys often start off at your DS's age by cutting corners and just doing the minimum. A bit of pride and competitiveness usually kicks in. It sounds as though it probably has for your DS. DreamGirl is right, they have to find it out for themselves.

Crossposted with Gruach and completely agree. I had missed that this was only his first term plus he has had to start a new school mid year. He has done very well and will be doing even better next term. You should be really pleased that he has settled in so well. It is really tiring to start with.

You've been looking at it with your old eyes. The wonderful thing about boarding is that it's an education for the whole family (or at least the totally overinvested members).

This is very much "do as I say not as I do" territory - but I daresay you sent him in order that he might acquire life skills like independence, self motivation, the ability to live in a community etc* - and now, now you're complaining because he has exercised his God-given freedom to concentrate on what was a priority for him - settling in and making friends, rather than what was a priority for you?

Been there. Kind of. If he's happy he's made a brilliant start. Go and give him a hug and tell him how proud you are of him.

*Yes, I know people acquire these qualities at day schools too ...

But ... for heaven's sake ... he's only just arrived! Apart from the fact you can't remove a child at a moment's notice (you'll pay next term's fees) why on earth would you want to disrupt his life for no good reason?

Is there a joke that I'm missing? April 1st was yesterday.

Your DS is obviously in a school where he cannot coast academically which even without the boarding is a plus. I am not sure what pretests you are aiming for but a fair number of pretests are about potential rather than syllabus material covered.
The allocated fixed time for homework at boarding prep schools does have the benefit of making DCs much more efficient and focused with their independent learning but it can be a more distracting environment than working quietly at home. It might help your DS to talk through any difficulties he has in settling down to homework during prep time and then find strategies with the houseparents to make it easier to focus.
BTW I would be wary of making him feel the pressure of expectations from the relative financial sacrifice. Boarding if at a good school will develop lots of different facets of him and progress can't just be measured academically. He has already shown determination and resilience with his first term. I would listen to what he thinks is the best environment for him but certainly give it a proper go if he is enjoying it.

Lovely the fact that your DS has thrown himself into boarding life and will be able to answer any question about boarding with a huge grin will be a very positive factor in pre-test assessment.

If (entirely to be expected) poor academic results in his first term or two are the only problem - stop mithering and relax.

If, on the other hand, you've changed your mind about the financial commitment or suffered a reversal of fortune, it really wouldn't be fair to make your DS think his performance is to blame.

The only reasons I've met for removing a child have been either severe unhappiness or a severe bank manager. Not academic results. Because you're paying the prep to guide your DS into the best school for him.

OK, well we've made a decision - DD is moving to day school for September. Excellent school - they wanted her last year and are pleased to have her for Year 8.

Thank you so much to everyone who has offered us advice - both in the choosing stage last year and in the decision making this year.

Things I wish I'd thought about:

1. I wish we'd really drilled down into the numbers. The school told us the school was 60/40 Boarding/Day, but that was across the whole school. In Year 7, it is 30/70 Boarding/Day. That means that in DD's year, there are only 15 boarders, split across 2 houses. In such a small group, girls with (ahem) challenging personalities have become disproportionately influential.

1. I wish we had questioned the house staff and the girls in more detail about how the girls' evening free time was organised. They were left far too much to themselves at the beginning of the year, which allowed homesickness to set in and gave a lot of time for "I'm not being mean, but..." conversations to be had. I now think that year 7 and 8 boarders in a senior school should be organised in a similar way to year 7 and 8 in a boarding prep school - very busy, lots of activities, adult supervision to stamp on bitchiness.

1. Linked to my first point, I wish we'd thought about how a 'boarding' school with a large amount of day girls is run. For example, at least one prep a week in the first term was of the 'make a model', 'create a poster' variety. When you have day girls swanning in, carrying a massive (parent-assisted) scale model of the Parthenon, DD felt a bit pathetic carrying something made of the one bit of tatty card the House Staff had dug out for her.

1. I wish we hadn't been so flattered by the (considerable) scholarship she was given. I think it may have made us slightly less analytical about the problems DD was facing.

But it's been a learning experience for us all!

Kingscote thanks for the update and it sounds as though your DD will be appreciated in her next school. Her experience and lessons learnt about hidden truths of some boarding schools will be very helpful to others.

update - ds is going to stay at boarding school. He goes back on wednesday next week, so I hope it goes ok. He knows going back is hard, but otherwise has been speaking positively about friends, sport, and GCSE options. He has a group of "normal" friends (as oppose to the mega rich boys!!) and I hope the lighter evenings and regular BBQs planned will help. Fingers crossed….
Good luck with going back to school everyone.

1805 it is good that your DS can appreciate the positives of his school life despite the remembered misery of homesickness. His resilience must have been tested.
I think that he will always find the transitions back to school hard but the time that lasts will get shorter and shorter. This is a good term for extending friendships especially if he likes cricket since as you know there is a lot of time spent with his team!
Don't let him write off the 'mega rich' boys as future friends though unless of course for reasons other than differences in upbringing.

Hi all, a shame we had our first deletions, but haven't looked recently so no idea what was said.
It sounds like yours are all back, anybody else back today?

We have the usual fiasco of getting to school and sorting out all the things dd decided to leave in the store room. I keep telling her not to do it, but she doesn't listen.
This term is pretty short as they finish 5th July, after their music course week.
Academic work finishes end of June.
I'm not sure what we'll find to do for such a long holiday

KingscoteStaff I wish your DD all the best at her new school. It must feel good to be in demand from places. We are all going through the learning experience and it is good that she moves now in time to be settled for GCSE time.

1805 I'm glad your DS is talking more positively about school now and we have been told the Summer term is the best due to the weather and available sports in this term. BBQ's and social events outdoors always help us to feel better I think. Your DS sounds resilient and determined and the fact he has a group of friends is a great place to build from.

So DS2 went back to school last night.
This is the last time: the last time we take him back to school after a long holiday, the last time we load too much stuff into our car, the last time we sit around the dinner table knowing he's going back to school, the last time I rush around at the last minute buying shampoo shower gel etc., no uniform this time, no last minute labelling. We talked about all those other times we were in the same position, when he was at prep, when we used to go out for the day rather than sit around at home looking at each and watching the hours slowly tick by, the time I locked everything into the car and lost the keys and the AA had to come and force the car open, when we used to have to drive to meet the school bus, when we used to lunch with his friend and his mother in her mega exclusive London sports club before she took him back to school (always late). We talked about the first time we dropped him at his boarding prep when he was the tiniest boarder the school had and they fed him crisps kitkats and hot chocolate something he rarely got at home. I never then imagined last night, or that he'd be at Winchester.
We realised the number of journeys down and back is now finally in single figures, unless he comes home on a Sunday, I can't say I'll miss the A34 or the service station on the A34/M4 or the M and S where I always have to buy him sandwiches etc, or the bloody awful traffic in Winchester.
Where has all the time gone?
Was it worth it?
All that money?
All that bloody driving? I used to like driving now I avoid it.
Has it worked out as I hoped it would all those years ago?
Has it worked out as I expected it would?
Has he turned out as I hoped he would?
We're entering the final furlong (to use an equestrian phrase, yes I've gone back to horses despite swearing I never would, it's in my blood, the word horse is writtin through mean I can't leave it alone), exams start in less than a month and in just over two months we will drive home from Winchester for the last time. I'm not particularly nostalgic as most know I loath meaningless ritual but it will be for us the end of an era. But for him the beginning of a new and exciting cheaper in his life.

Bloody autocorrect, chapter not cheaper. Have to say it will be cheaper for us!

I think you and your DS will find the last day, when you shove his bags and endless stuff into the car for the last time, say goodbye to his housemaster and the house staff and the other boys, and then drive away for the last time, very emotional.
We certainly did.
Anyway, all the very best to your Ds with his A levels.

We are 12 months behind you happy, but I know that this last year will fly by at an even faster rate than the last 4. I'm betting, though, that your DS is more than ready for the move into the next stage of his education (and life) and I wish him luck for his exams.

Happygardening it was definitely worth it from the helpful experience and views of boarding school life you have shared here. I strongly suspect if it had n't been worth it for your DS he and your instincts would have let you know quite some time ago.