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Original poster

if you have older and younger children PLEASE tell me how you

20 replies

MrsApronstrings · 08/09/2006 18:36

get the older ones homework done, because I am in danger of turning into a mad woman....
dcs are 10, 8, 4, and 16 months. LIve in the states, homework every night for the next day as well as reading i have to sign and spellings, and studying for maths test every Friday..eldest has chronic adhd and learning difficulties (despite being very bright) they have been back at school two weeks and I am not coping - I end up getting stressed and cross. what can I do to keep the littles quiet AND support the bigs?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsApronstrings · 08/09/2006 18:38

yesterday I burst into tears and eldest said she thought she should leave home so I wouldn't get so sad[sad crying woman emoticon]

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FrannyandZooey · 08/09/2006 18:51

Oh MrsA I am so sorry

I have no experience of this but I really feel for you

Have you discussed it with the school? Have you any help at home?

foxinsocks · 08/09/2006 18:52

will the little ones watch TV while you help the older ones?

marthamoo · 08/09/2006 18:59

Poor you - I only have two and I know how fraught it can get. Ds1 (9) tends to do his homework in bed on weeknights - spellings, times tables and reading - after I've put ds2 (4) to bed. Written homework is twice a week and at weekends. He tends to sit at the dining room table and do his written work - usually while I'm cooking dinner - and I kind of half help him (yelling suggestions across the kitchen), cook, and try and distract ds2 at the same time. It was hellish when ds2 was a toddler and wouldn't be distracted. Ds2 has just started school and I am not looking forward to double lots of homework!

Can you all sit down together (hard to find the time I know) - maybe after school ( a snack first though) and you can do drawing with the little one and help the bigger ones too? Or is that just not going to work? I do sympathise - it's so hard and I end up screeching while ds1 cries and says he can't do it on a regular basis.

Original poster
MrsApronstrings · 08/09/2006 19:02

I have a fortnightly cleaner - which i'm lucky to have - but DH travels a fair bit. Youngest has no interest in the telly

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Original poster
MrsApronstrings · 08/09/2006 19:17

marthamoo - we sit down for the snack thing - and infact ds2 (4) likes to do 'homework' - or watch telly - the adhd thing means dd1 often has to go elsewhere - she is sooo easily distracted. dd2 is the real fly in the ointment - she is tired and clingy and whingey by then

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Judy1234 · 09/09/2006 10:07

Poor you.

In our egalitarian house it was a job for two parents but not all families do things that way so we would split children between us and indeed with our nanny too as my husband and I both worked full time and we had music practice each day for 3 children on two instruments = 6 lots to get done too. Some people do hire someone just to help supervise homework.

There is a 10 year gap between our older and youngest ones but that is so wide it made things easier with the younger two as the older ones by then did all homework on their own.

Ways to deal with it.,.. most of us don't had a child with adhd so it won't be as bad as you have it. Sometimes the schools had a homework club or late coach home so could be done at school. The days when my twins stay in after school club they come home at 6 with all homework finished and it's much easier although I don't often put them in there. I usually found best way was to get it done ASAP, don't put it off, don't watch TV, just get on with it until it's done.

ggglimpopo · 09/09/2006 10:12

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MrsApronstrings · 09/09/2006 13:35

Thanks for the posts

dh is away for the next 10 days - so its just me next week - I am going to make sure the house clean and serene on monday. Initially I think a fairly rigid rountine may be the only way to handle it. If I can stay unflustered I know it will all run more smoothly

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Sonnet · 09/09/2006 13:45

Hi,
Yes it is difficult I know...
The way I takle it is to make sure I am organised about supper, I ususally cook ahead. Then I am on hand to supervise homework whilst supper is "heating up".
Before I did this I would get stressed because supper would be burning....

Then the remainder of homework/music practice is tackled after supper.
bath, bed
very rigid routine - makes me sad sometimes but at least we have a calm cheerful afterschool life!
Good luck and keep smiling!!

Original poster
MrsApronstrings · 09/09/2006 13:56

Thank you sonnet - I am sahm so I will plan some preprepared meals into my new bid for after school serenity. There is a homework club at school - its by invitation only - and generally they only offer places to children who are regularly failing to get stuff done. My children always get everything completed its just that getting ther is not pretty. If i continue to feel like I can't cope I might ask them -

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Sonnet · 09/09/2006 14:05

I hope it goes OK Mrs A! - Everybody ticks differently but I know for me "being organised" is the key - after a few years of hasselly evenings I now try to work the afterschool routine/evening around homework rather than fit homework into an afterschool routine. ASt least mine are at school now - it was much more difficult when DD2 was a toddler and I was trying to supervise hopmework with the others!!

LizP · 09/09/2006 17:50

This sounds really tough- you have my sympathies. If I were you I would go to the school and say the children will not be doing homework this term unless they take them in the homework club twice a week. Homework just isn't important enough to make you all so miserable and it seems silly for the school only to offer help to people once they have already given up on or never started homework. Then maybe see if you could get a teenage neighbour to come in for an hour on the other two evenings to play with the little ones while you do the homework. Then the Friday homework can spread over the weekend so less stress. Agree with everyone that organisation is also needed. ds1 gets extra pocket money if he does piano practise before school and I try to sort out their tea in the afternoon so it's just a quick cook or it's already in the oven. Must say we've only been back 4 days and already I can feel the stress levels rising in this house in the evenings (and I'm trying not to drink in the week making it even worse!)

Original poster
MrsApronstrings · 09/09/2006 18:40

lizp - I love your thinking and the look on the prinipals face if I said the children would not be doing their homewoek would be just priceless!

but your post gets absolutely to the heart of the matter -it is not worth making ourselves miserable over

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poppiesinaline · 09/09/2006 19:28

Strangely enough I just said to a friend this afternoon how impossible it is to get the homework done with younger children around and how stressful I find it.

DS1 (9 yrs) DD (6 yrs) and DS2 16 months. To do two lots of reading and two lots of spellings and two lots of homework (DS1 obviously gets more than DD) with a 16 month old (who is normally whinging at that time of day) is nigh on impossible.

I try and get one of the older ones to occupy DS2 while I help the other with homework or listen to reading. Sometimes works, sometimes doesnt. I find it is not a good idea to leave homework until later (ie until after DS2 has gone to bed) because they are too tired by then.

I do sympathise. It is tough.

trinityshiftingherleatheryarse · 09/09/2006 20:10

i only have reading homework to do with dd1 at the mo but with dd2(17 months) around even that is hard, she wants the book, she wants me, she shouts, she pulls dd1's hair if she doesn't get the book ugh I sympathise and I haven't as much as you to do

mellowma · 09/09/2006 20:33

Message withdrawn

wanderingstar · 10/09/2006 11:45

I'm in a similar boat, with ds1 (just 13), ds2 (11), dd (nearly8) and ds3 (2.5).

He is just now getting interested in videos etc, but since he arrived it's been very tough, even though for a while I had help in the afternoons. Even though my mother's help was there to occupy ds3 (and dd who still doesn't get a lot of homework), often it would be me he'd want !
Sonnet's idea is a good one; today I've written for the 1st time a weekly menu plan, the idea being to precook as much as possible, then be more available to help with homework if required. I don't have help any more, so I'm a bit apprehesive about this term - mine only went back on Thursday so it's early days still !

swedishmum · 10/09/2006 17:10

I find it hard too - dd1 feels I don't share my time evenly. She's 12 and gets lots of homework. Dd2 is supposed to be doing 11 plus stuff as well as her work. Ds is 9 and dyslexic so needs support and we also do some extra daily stuff with him. Dd3 is 2.5 and obviously no help! Dh travels a lot. Add in instruments, dancing and scouts etc (I do up to 400 miles a week as we live in the sticks) and evenings aren't much fun. It's all so depressing. Hope to get some hints from the thread.

sleepysooz · 10/09/2006 17:25

I find it impossible - my dh dyslexic and I work in an evening (back 10pm) so weekdays are out for any adult help, my poor ds, I feel so sorry for him, he is in year 6 and they get homework every night!

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