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Original poster

thinking of sending ds to a private school - advise needed please!!!!!

323 replies

jinna · 25/03/2004 14:30

my ds is 5 and has been in a state school since reception - we are now thinking to send him to a private prep school - the reasoning being that hopefully he will be able to get into a good grammar school later on . This grammar is heavilky oversubscribed and we feel the only way he would be able to get in is if he gets a lot of support. He is doing well at the state school but with more personal attention at the prep school he should progress well.

My husband and myself went to see the prep school and were surprised and the differences in the schools - the class size was smaller and the sports facilities were great - but the atmosphere felt very disciplined and formal - is this the norm for prep schools - we want our DS to do well but don't want him to lose his personality.

Also the prep school has its own curriculum and also have their own inspection - how do you tell if they are teaching to the right standard. We have no experience of private education and independent schools - so please any advise would be great

OP posts:
popsycal · 26/03/2004 13:11

I am inclined to agree with bossykate
call me miserable if you want

Gumdrop · 26/03/2004 13:13

Mum2Einstein

Ok that's a humourous comment. I make no bones about being a daughter of the proletariat, and actually I'm very proud of my family background and what they went through to try and do the best for me educationally. But I did go to a comp, in a good area, and was bullied everyday for showing any signs of being interested in lessons. That's one thing that I will not tolerate for my children, and yes, I am very fortunate to be able to do something about it. (Although I work bl**dy hard to be able to do something about it as well)

Still if you want to think that this is do with not having my children mixing with "rough kids", go ahead. I know that that isn't the reason. i was the "rough kid" in my classroom!

marialuisa · 26/03/2004 13:14

Agree BK, but they make me shudder slightly as i have very unhappy memories of being "bright" at school and the sort of reactions that some teachers had to it. Even now I pretend not to know the answers to trivial questions because I'm embarrassed that I've just "absorbed" stuff. Everyone on this site is very careful not to upset/offend posters who have children with special needs but if someone posts about a bright child everyone's up in arms and being quite petty. Why??

Gumdrop · 26/03/2004 13:16

(Raises barricades)

Marialuisa - might they be jealous?

Twinkie · 26/03/2004 13:19

I hope to god that my daughter is not exceptionally bright actually, just normal and happy, so no I would never be jealous.

bossykate · 26/03/2004 13:19

uh-oh...

Gumdrop · 26/03/2004 13:19

Amen to that - that's all I hope for mine too

Cod · 26/03/2004 13:19

Message withdrawn

marialuisa · 26/03/2004 13:32

TBH it didn't cross my mind that anyone would be jealous, I just find it very sad that people are quick to ridicule those who are brighter than the norm and see parents' concerns as boastful. I have a situation with my DD at the moment that i'd really like others' opinions on but even before this wasn't comfortable to post on MN because of the reactions that some people would have.

BTW, it's entirely possible for a person to be brighter than average AND normal and happy.

dinosaur · 26/03/2004 13:34

I don't think it's jealousy, I really don't.

ScummyMummy · 26/03/2004 13:42

Ok, sorry if that went too far guys. M2E was just me being stupid. It wasn't directed at anyone here in particular. I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings and I apologise if I have because I can see that I might have and I should have thought things through before pushing "post".

I was actually thinking more about the way kids who are acknowledged as and treated as very bright can sometimes wind up a bit spoiled and/or, more seriously, quite unhappy, rather than about class issues per se. I'm interested in the whole Nigel Kennedy phenomenon where hugely talented kids get taken out of the system to a large extent and can beome very unhappy as adults, it seems. Hence the Oxford at four idea. I'm absolutely not suggesting that anyone here is acting like that though! I do agree that it may not be so good for kids to languish unacknowledged in a class where it's uncool to be bright either though. Anyway- sorry again. I will shut up now.

casey · 26/03/2004 13:48

My ds is not 'normal', he is not average, but he is happy. He IS exceptionally bright Twinkie, and there are days when I really wish he wasn't. And comments like those on here really don't help.

ks · 26/03/2004 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tigermoth · 26/03/2004 13:52

As an aside, my oldest friend, who died age 45 of liver failure due to alcoholism was the brightest kid I knew. He won an exhibition to Kings College, Cambridge. He did not have have pushy parents he was just natually bright - too bright, I'd say. Brightness is not all it's cracked up to be in my opinion.

forestfly · 26/03/2004 13:53

I find this funny and not because i'm jealous in the slightest, what a ridiculous comment. My son can't right his name yet.I don't care he's funny handsome charming polite sensitive and kind.what on earth is there to be jealous of.

forestfly · 26/03/2004 13:54

"Write" his name (god knows why )

roisin · 26/03/2004 13:54

Marialuisa - I know exactly what you mean. I hope you feel brave enough to post your query on here, but understand completely if you don't.

You are very welcome to email me through 'Contact another talker', and I will give you an opinion privately.

Scummy - I think that was very helpful and honest of you to own up and apologise, and I hope this thread will be all the better for it. Thank you.

binkie · 26/03/2004 14:00

I think what needs to be recognised is that there are different ways of being exceptionally bright: for instance I can think of:

  • the self-confident all-rounder who's probably good at sports too and able to choose how to be socially so that he can blend in with peers when he wants and get the most out of teachers when he wants;

  • the shy, compliant, self-conscious kind, who is easily crushed, maybe even for life, by a hostile anti-learning environment; and

  • (personal experience) the very unsophisticated innocent socially obtuse absent-minded professor type.

Types 2 and 3 really do need careful help, and it is reasonable for parents to fear for them a bit.

marialuisa · 26/03/2004 14:02

Roisin, that's really kind of you. It's nothing earth-shattering and we're under no pressure to make a decision, I'd just like to be able to chat about it without peple assuming that we're pushy parents from hell. DH has kindly opted out of the decision making which isn't helping!

Tinker · 26/03/2004 14:05

I knew it was you scummy

Yes, there was an article in the paper a few years ago following up gifted children and how most had underachieved as adults and ended up in low-paid jobs.

Tinker · 26/03/2004 14:07

tigermoth - agree also about the 'too' bright syndrome. The civil service seems to mop up many of these who seem to lack social skills in other ways but are frighteningly bright people.

Cod · 26/03/2004 14:09

Message withdrawn

popsycal · 26/03/2004 14:11

Coddy!

Cod · 26/03/2004 14:11

Message withdrawn

Angeliz · 26/03/2004 14:12

jinna, going back to your original post, i think you need to visit a few times to get more of a feel for the place.
We visited an Independant School a few months ago and i chatted with a few people on here about it. It was great, good facilities, small classes but i just wasn't sure about the atmosphere! I have since been back and sat in the nursery for an hour during a normal day,(last time alot of the little ones were swimming), and i saw a different place altogether, the kids were happy, great interactions with the teachers and all having fun.
You should ask if you can visit again
DD will be going in September for a few mornings a week but is going to fab-tots held there every Thursday so getting used to the place!
Good luck whatever you decide

There are a few old threads you could look up about Independant Schools on here too.