If you send your children to private school, what is your income?

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

Personal question! And one I would never ask any other situation than an anonymous Internet forum!

So, the backstory is that DH and I never expected to send our children to private school. It was simply not on our radar. However,we are now in a position where we can afford it. This has involved DH working very hard, but to be honest, he would work very hard for peanuts. He has a Protestant work ethic! We could fairly comfortably afford the fees, and the plan is for me to return to work in two years when our youngest is three. At which point, the fees would be no issue whatsoever. DH's job is very stable, and we have saved hard, so have a decent safety net.

The issue is, we only know one family that send their children to private school. They are significantly wealthier than us. Significantly so. We are a little concerned that on the first day of school we are going to rock up in our second hand battered focus, and be scorned right out of the school!

So, if your child goes to private school, what is your situation? Are you very wealthy or, are you like us, very 'normal', but worked our socks off and now prioritising private schooling. There won't be Caribbean holidays every year, there won't be Aston martins in the driveway (we don't even have a driveway!), but damn it...there is waitrose food in the fridge!

We have an income of 60-70k, but DH is a teacher at a private school so we get reduced fees. Our DS are 5 and 7 but will stay at the school through to 18.

We've had a mixed experience. The parents in DS1's year are all very flashy with their money, amazing cars, holidays and houses. There have been some amazing birthday parties - my personal favourite is the child who had a 'birthday fete' complete with an entertainer, fairground rides, sides stalls and hired catering. The hardest thing for me is that none of the mums work, so it's been hard to make friends as they are all on the same day time social circle of gym, tennis, lunches out and hair appointment while I'm at work. I'm worried about how this will play out when the DC are teenagers and issues like inappropriate parties and first cars. DH teaches a boy who received a brand new Audi TT for his 17th birthday and wrote it off within weeks of passing his test.

On the other hand, the parent circle for DS2's year are lovely. Everyone seems more down to earth, less obviously wealthy and lots of the mums work which makes me feel more 'normal'.

I would suggest trying to find out a little about the profile of the parents as part of the school selection process. Also be aware of the cost of trips as they get older - in the senior school where DH works, there are regular trips costing as much as a family holiday. E.g a history tour to Russian costing 2k, a media trip to Hollywood costing 1,500. While all these trips are optional, it seems that the wealthy parents sign cheques without blinking so you need to think about how you will handle this.

Is that £5k a term?

Ours no where near that. £2.9k a term. Rising to £3.3k when 7.

Again, thank you for experiences. I enjoy reading them, and they make me feel excited rather than that tiny bit of anxiety

Our dses fees are just over £7000 per term per child, at secondary level. Their prep school fees started around £3000 at pre prep and ended up at £4200 in year 8.

Sorry, should have said 5000euro/£3500-a year!
That is right up (roughly) until they are 18yo.
Just the best school, I love it. Such an amazing ethos and vibe,IMO. We are so lucky to be able to send the boys there.

Well do think of the fees as they will rise as the DC's get older. I know it varies throughout the country but our senior school fees are £5.5k per term for daughter and £7.2k per term for son and these are day schools. When DD started in receptions 10 yrs ago her fees were £1.4k per term so they really do go up and not inline with inflation. DH was really nervous about it all in the beginning but my logic was let's just keep doing it while we can and if it all goes tits up we move them to state - they'll survive! Fortunately we've made it through and the end is in sight (well then it's university).

Vast majority of families using private primary schools will be wealthy, according to standard measures (eg equity, money in bank, income). And / or have grandparents contributing to fees. So you are comparing yourself within a wealthy group, it's about degrees of wealth.

"Are you very wealthy or, are you like us, very 'normal', but worked our socks off and now prioritising private schooling"? That kind of statement is best avoided: the vast majority of people in the UK who "work their socks off" still cannot afford fees, and fees are a major expense - it's not a matter of prioritising. Families who could, if they choose, pay fees are wealthy and probably not very diverse in social/economic terms.

In dc3's year at private primary school there were only two women who didn't work at least part time. Both of those had older children and had lived in the area a long time (so had bought their homes when prices were lower). Lots of cars with 51 plates & some older cars (M or R reg). A real variety in holidays, some going camping, others going on 3 or 4 long-haul trips a year. Camping always seemed v popular with children. At senior school the majority of British women work, DCs are at v academic London day schools and there are expat wives who don't work, but their partners tend to work for banks etc. Lots of families don't have cars & dcs seem unaware of who has/doesn't have fancy clothes, holidays etc.

At my son's school there is a massive mix of people. Lots working hard and struggling to pay the fees and some with oodles of cash (including a well known premiership footballer) who seem to have a new car on a weekly basis.

I don't think there's any judgement at all, the most judgy parent I've come across has been one who is quite normal and not obviously wealthy but is trying desperately to climb the social ladder and get in with all the most influential (not necessarily wealthy) families.

By the way, in my area there are state schools that are achingly hard to get into and I've been told that there's a lot of snobbery in those schools relating to where you live or what church you go to, so it's not just the private sector.

Remember that a v significant proportion of private school kids have fees paid by granny, not mummy and daddy. Up to 25% in some schools according to my mate the prep school bursar. Now that assumes a certain sort of family background but it does mean that the school car park is not quite so awash with cash as you may think.

My mates from prep school vary from having income of £1m a year to the more usual 150-500k to less than 30k and on full scholarships. Makes no difference to me as long as they and their kids are nice. Why should it? It's like the old Dr Suess saying goes "those who mind dont matter and those who matter don't mind"

Celestial, if it's prep, not secondary, doubt there will be many full scholarships or parents with income of £30k (unless the grandparents pay the full fees).

We do have quite a lot of full scholarships but then it is a v big and rich prep. I also know a few parents who were paint and then had a job loss (and in one case dad died) and they kept the kids at highly reduced rates and almost nothing in the case of the bereavement to the end of year 8.

But agree most don't - at that level it is granny paying the fees.

Also teachers kids get usually 30% or so off fees and rarely have a household income which allows for trips to the Maldives...

Who were paying not paint!!!

My income is in the mid-30s, I drive a twelve-year old Citroen (and it looks it!) and rent. Ds is on a bursary. We are managing a week in a tent in Northern France this year, and really only because his summer holidays are so ridiculously long that we can get there out of high season.

The families at his school are a good mixture of the very wealthy with knackered volvos set, the shiny shiny white range rovers set and (the majority) two-parent working families who are scrimping. And me . Ds knew from the start that he wouldn't be going on the mega-expensive trips etc, and in fact many in his form haven't so far. Second hand uniform is a given. Ds has only spoken about the material possessions of one boy so far, and that was only to suggest he was a bit flashy! It's not really the done thing to boast about your 'stuff'.

However, I agree with the sentiment that it's the preps that are often a little more concerned with status symbols than the secondaries. I wouldn't bother with prep tbh if you can get a decent state primary, but that's a whole other thread!

(And, at the risk of sounding chippy, can I just mention the fact that one's 'work ethic' has very little to do with whether one can afford to send the kids private or not? Plenty of people work extremely hard without the slightest hope of earning enough to even vaguely consider independent schooling, and equally plenty of people pay for private school out of money they've never done a day's work for. 'Hard work=private school for the kids' is an irritating trope that comes up every single time on private school threads and it really is utterly irrelevant.

Cross post with dozer; really must type faster!

Our family income is around the £50,000 mark now, although this can vary year on year as my income is freelance.

We sent our DC to private school from age 7 for DS (continuing into the state school he had a place at would have been a disaster), 7 for DD1 and from 8 for DD2. All three had a year off at state school in Canada. Their private primary school was very cheap- all three cost the same as one set of secondary fees at the schools they went on to. The last 7 years have been very very tough for us financially. This is despite DMIL always paying one set of fees. DS and DD1 went to senior school at the same time (so we were paying 1 set for 2 years plus DD2's much more modest ones). Then we were paying two sets for 3 years, which ate up all our savings, and I was not working for some of it due to the recession and the birth of DD3. Then back to 1 set as DD1 went to state 6th form college but DMIL was in a difficult way with deaths of loved ones and the practicalities flowing from that. This year since January, she has been paying DD2's fees again.

We still have 0 savings, haven't managed to make any headway on that for several years. All our income is spoken for as soon as it's earned and has been since the year 2000. We're coming to the end of it with DD2 (she's in L6th now). We shall "celebrate" with a cheap holiday this year.

I still feel it's been worth it, even though it's been seat of the pants stuff for most of the last 7 years.

Oh, and, we are mortgage-free.

Private primary school fees are a lot more affordable than secondary and there are definitely more add-ons at secondary level. I have a child in each, £3k a term at primary and closer to £6k at secondary. Both on outer edge of London.

I'd echo what others have said about the mix of parents depending on school. The primary has very few wealthy parents and is often selected as a feeder for the local grammar schools. Secondary big range from expensive cars and big houses to 10 year old family cars and modest houses. The kids do notice. But depends how you bring them up as to how they respond. My DC have friends from all backgrounds and friends from outside school from sports/scouts etc. they either like someone or they don't. DS chooses friend based on common interests not make of car and size of house.

I should add, here in the SW the fees are a lot lower than in London. Senior school fees are £3600/term. Primary much lower (around £6000/year)

I was going to send DD private but now it looks as though we will be about £300 a month short. I also live mortgage free but it's just me as an LP and I don't like the idea that we have no back up for a month if the roof came in or something. I could rely on my dad but he doesn't see the point in private and I think he'd hold it over us a bit and would rather not have a repeat of history (his parents paid for me). I was going to be able to before exp decided to pretend he is now on minimum wage for CSA.

I was amazed at how similar it is to nursery fees to be honest. Got a few months until the free nursery hours kick in here and and I've been using the expense to imagine how skint I would be if she went private!

IME my peers were very non-judgemental. It's just not something that we talked about. Years later and still friends with my year and now noticing vast differences in backgrounds. Some parents scrimped on the edge to send kids there, and others came from estates. We all got on well.
However a local school here has a bad reputation for competitive attitudes (Oh you only have 5 ponies? We have 15 racehorses - kind of attitudes) and I'd not send my child there if I won the lottery! or even if I came from a line of aristocracy, as lottery winners would be nouveau riche daaarling

Won't say amounts, but legal secretary and teacher here, and we have chosen yo afford it. Car is an R-reg (convertible! ). No doubt many other parents in DS' school are considerably wealthier, but maybe not all.

London day preps are now >£5k per term

So where you live might make a bigger difference than what you earn in terms of size of bill and whether you can meet it comfortably.

I went to private school. My parents were teachers but got help for the fees from my Grandma.

We didn't have holidays, we didn't have a computer at home (this was at a time when they were expensive & only rich people had them), my parents had an old corsa car and we lived in the rougher bit of town.

Just wanted to reassure you that whilst I was one of the "poorer" kids at school I certainly didn't feel it. Perhaps as I occasionally (I was at private school from 7 - 18) was a bit jealous that some of my friends had awesome houses but I didn't feel out of place.

I'd only be cautious if you couldn't cover an emergency at home - as I said above.

I personally think we will get a lot more stick being at a comp and having our own house, being able to holiday and have more luxury items than we would do being less advantaged at a private. I found my comp to be a hotbed of people needing the latest fashions and they were falling over themselves to visit my dad's house (sorry guys, was only a 2 bed semi!) which confused them a bit.