I Now HAVE To Have Evidence Of A Medical Appointment For EVERYTHING!! Ffs!

[PurpleWolfe]

DS (7) brought home a letter from school yesterday "....DS's attendance has fallen to 89.62% for the academic year to date." "Blah, blah, blah.....I have been monitoring DS's attendance since the beginning of the academic year and it has continued to fall, month on month. As a result we will not be able to authorise any future absence without evidence of a medical appointment"! Signed by the headteacher.

I'm not angry - I'm fucking apoplectic!!! How bloody dare they!!! The headteacher knows me and knows I'm not a 'push-over' Mum! I've dragged DS in there lots of times (in tears) and had three way conversations with her and DS about how important it is to go to school and not say there's things wrong with him when there isn't! (He had a difficult time after the split from his Dad). I have three very strict criteria for keeping them home - either/and/or high temperature (have a very accurate 'in the ear' digital thingy), puking or the squits - and - unfortunately for me, I require evidence of the last two, not just their word for it (mostly due to DD's (12) fantastical claims of vomiting to get off school! See, I ain't falling for that ol' chestnut!). So, single Mum of three is going to have to trawl down to the Dr's for every raised temperature or dose of the runs??!! The Dr is going to be well chuffed with me, too!! I can't believe it, really. What makes my blood boil is that so many parents take their children out of school for holidays (not judging this action, btw, but have never done it myself) and seem to get away without any punishment at all - even members of the school staff do it ffs!!

I fully understand the implications on DS’s education brought about by reduced attendance. However, on each and every occurrence DS has been genuinely ill and therefore his capacity for learning is greatly diminished anyway – not to mention the fact that he would be passing on whatever illness he has to his classmates. On these occasions, had I sent him to school, the onus would have then been on the school to have to send him home again – as he was ill!! Oh, and, whilst I'm at it - how much crap will I get from them if I send him to school less than 48hrs after a bout of S or D!?!?!

I've had a long and successful relationship with this school (and headmistress) over the past 8+ years. Both my older children have been through the school without any attendance issues. I'm at the school every day, twice a day. Why did she not think to talk to me about this instead, and maybe try avoid this awful, punishing rule? I have had the basic 'Mum' decision of whether my child is too ill for school or not taken away! And, yes, I understand, too, that the 'flag' for this will have come from some sort of computer print-out and that it will be government guidelines to follow it up but - where does common sense come in? Where has the personal touch gone? Why is it not possible to take past knowledge of the family into consideration? Grrrrrrr!

DS is, on the whole, of good health. I have taken him to the Dr's in the past and he has been pronounced hale and hearty. He just seems to catch whatever is going round his school and his sibling's school. Just life, really.

I'm in the process of writing a letter of complaint about this. Calm, to the point and concise. (It's taking ages just to take the expletives out!)

This has all made me feel like a really bad parent and the next time they put a request out for friggin' cakes or donations.........!

Venting finished, rant over. Sorry. Ta.

A high temperature (assuming that you mean a high temperature, not just a slightly raised one) is the body's sign that it needs to slow down and concentrate its efforts on fighting the infection. Ignoring this can lead to serious complications. And complications tend to lose you a lot more time off school or work than the time needed to recover from the initial illness.

(speaking as somebody who has had pneumonia once and pleurisy three times)

89% is a lot of time off though, 11% is 3 days each month. How on earth do you manage this? I would be getting a letter from my boss too, complaining about my timekeeping.

I give my kids Calpol if they are feeling a bit under the weather and tell the school to call me at lunchtime if need be. Only been called to collect once this year.

Yes happy, yours are the kids who have infected the OPs , and half the teaching staff.

3 days a month isn't that much, day 1 they puke, day 2+3 they have to be off as per the 48 hour rule. Add in other absences, minor injuries, chickenpox maybe? And you can see how it might add up in a moderately unlucky child.

You have to remember that for each Mumsnet child who's a Chorister or breaks an arm show jumping or has time off for sailing tall ships (oh, that's me) there are 100 who's educations are being compromised by parents who don't give a fuck. Or who do give a fuck, but who live such challenging and chaotic lives that somehow school attendance gets pushed down the list of things that are important. And those are the parents who are really being targeted for sanction or help. And if the first sort of parent don't get letters too then that weakens the school's position on the other sort. IYSWIM.

I can't believe someone is saying kids can go to school with a high temp.
If you have a temp you usually feel terrible!! A teacher with 31 kids to teach doesn't need an ill child with a temp in the classroom!

obviously nobody should go to school if they feel crap. But a slightly raised temperature that somebody like me who doesn't own a thermometer might not even notice with no other symptoms is not necessarily a reason to stay off.

And anyway, as I said, the school has to be seen to be treating everyone the same. I can't imagine that (apart from a few notorious cases of jobsworthery like cory experienced) a school wouldn't be happy with a letter of explanation from the parent for the record. They can then focus on the kids who are real causes for concern- like a child at ds's school who has missed nearly half of school in the past two years and whose parents see no problem with this and are abusive and hostile to any contact.

"He mostly comes down with raised temperatures?"

Surely you don't keep him off if his temp is a bit high? . Temps can be raised with a cold - most people, adults and children, are fine to go to work and school with a cold. I have never kept mine off with a cold unless it has gone to their chest and turned into a nasty phlegmy cough with associated puking.

So if you DO keep him off for a raised temp alone, then I think YABU to be complaining to the school.

"either/and/or high temperature (have a very accurate 'in the ear' digital thingy"

So what sort of temperature would mean keeping him off?

Personally I set the bar at over 38C. Mind you, at that level my DDs will have other symptoms too and be properly ill. They tend not to get temps if they have a simple cold.

That's my DDs though - it won't be like that for all children.

I just think it's odd that a raised temperature alone would be a "keeping off school" symptom. Why would you even think to take a temperature without any other symptoms?

Quite. You wouldn't take it so you wouldn't know.

But if your DC is complaining of a variety of intangible symptoms then taking a temperature is a good way of collecting solid evidence of how unwell they are. And it's a sensible thing to base your decision on whether or not to keep them home. Impossible for you to tell if they 'feel a bit achy' or they 'feel leaden and stiff and are really unwell'.

Wow there is some fab information in this thread. I have been fretting about ds having 4 days off this week - he had a week off last term also both due to coughs. Took him to dr tues - was advised mild asthma take him back to school - given an inhaler. That night he had high temps and non stop coughing so kept him off again as exhausted and looking like a ghost. Back to dr yesterday - he's now got antibiotics for chest infection. I've photocopied both presc notes and handed to school before they even ask due to letter last year when he was 4y old - saying his attendance was not good and warning that in future they may need to see presc or a dr note. Last year he had chest infection, tummy bug, balanitis oh and a couple of occasions was sent home purely because he was crying hours on end and wanted his mummy!
I do wonder are schools allowed to demand to see presc as surely medical records etc are considered private and on the one hand I'm not too worried to show a pres as it proves I'm not a liar on the other hand don't children have rights to privacy of these things?

I too feel like the schools are telling us mothers are not to be trusted to decide if their child is fit for school.
After all tues dr app (5 mins with dr who did not take his temp) declared him fit for school but my instincts said no he's not well and come Thursdays app I have been proven right I knew better than dr!

"Impossible for you to tell if they 'feel a bit achy' or they 'feel leaden and stiff and are really unwell'."

Really?
My children must be really crap actors, then!

Even doctors don't presume to diagnose people without taking basic observations, of which temperature is one ( and the easiest one to do at home)

I feel as if I'm labouring this point, Lottie. But if my child "felt a bit achy" and turned out to have a slightly raised temperature, I would still send them to school. It they felt "leaden and stiff and really unwell" I wouldn't- even if their temperature was normal. That's my point- I don't understand why a raised temperature is in itself a reason for keeping off- which the OP definitely implied she thought it was.

Your children sound very articulate, not all are so straightforward in the way they present.

Anyway,shall we agree to disagree. We are basically saying the same thing anyway. If they are ill, keep them off and don't bother a doctor unless you actually need one!

TimeIsAnIllusion, your school are trying it on, pupils don't contribute to the absence stats until they are in Yr 1.

as martorana says, it isnt really just about the high temperature
also, i have an amazing thermometer thingie but never use it unless they seem to have flu (which is once every 4 years if not more) or similar. i wouldnt use it routinely, i go off symptoms and response to calpol

(also read the thermometer guidelines. mine has a different, higher, view of what a high temp is, as it reads differently to a normal ear thermometer)

Relax
Let them report it as unauthorised
They won't take you to court unless it is consistently below 80% and even if they do it is up to them to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that he was not unwell.That is the law of the land You don't have to prove anything.

OP, I can understand your frustration but I wouldn't worry too much. God, I wouldn't take a child to the doctors for D and V, they just need to at home to get over it.

I would carry on as you're doing - you judge as a mother whether your child is well enough for school or not. You know your child and don't listened to anyone on here who says they should or shouldn't be going. If the school request a doctors note for say, a sickness bug, calmly explain that you can't do that as it would warrant a trip to the GP, infect others and so on. Don't get stressed about it, just stick to your guns.

Even if they put it down as unauthorised ( and I doubt it), it won't have any long term implications. There's so many hoops schools have to jump though these days, but that's not your problem. Don't let it affect your decision making.

That's shit.

Ds1 missed loads of school a couple of years ago due to appointments, he was way over the 20 days that would have flagged a letter from the doe.

Our school fiddled his attendance figures so we wouldn't have the added aggro of a snarky letter, they knew all the absences were unavoidable and dd had perfect attendance that year so they used common sense and helped us out.

It doesn't take much just to use some common sense and empathy in these situations

they fiddled the attendance figures

attendance is usually done at registration. if you miss that, you are absent. if you leave later on eg at 10, then you are present.

i would be very about a school that lied about attendance

I don't know what they did but I'm grateful. We're in Ireland and the way it works here is if you go over 20 days it gets flagged by the dept of ed and they deal with you. In the middle of getting Ds1 assessed for asd and adhd that was the last thing I needed to be dealing with.

Why would it bother you exactly? Ds1 was absent for a totally unavoidable appointment each time, apart from two bouts of genuine illness. What difference does it make to anyone's lives but ours that we weren't flagged up for low attendance with the doe? Ds1 wasn't behind in work, in fact he's miles ahead and has been throughout school.

a school that lied about a child's attendance would be in big trouble in the uk. imagine if that child was being abused for instance. the school's actions might mean it was not flagged up. it is also trying to fiddle the stats for ofsted as schools in england at least are judged on the number of unauthorised attendances.

my eldest has crap attendance due to chronic health condition. those letters are really horrible and annoying. i do genuinely wish they could just exempt children with chronic health conditions, or give them more leeway, but if, as the op says, one of my 'healthy' kids had an attendance figure that low, i think it is good that the school flags it up to the parents.