Thinking of changing schools

[Katherine]

I've posted here before about problems with the teacher at DSs school but things are really getting to me now. This morning she (she is also the head) cornered me and went on again about how DS is making no progress, can't spell, read or string a sentence together and even implied he has a speach problem. This was in front of DS and the rest of his class. I'm not worried about his performance (well I am but not in the same way - I don't mind if he's not a high flyer) - but I feel his confidence is being undermined and I'm worried that it will put him of learning for good. He "performs" better at home and I just feel he is being treated the wrong way at school. DD will start at the school in Sept - she will be reception, he yr 2 but that means they'll be in the same class. She is very quick to learn and I'm concerned that she might even catch up with DS and that the teacher might use this against him.

I was so upset when I left that I phoned another school I like but although they could possibly take DS they have no room for DD in Sept and obviously I want them together. I don't really want to uproot him anyway but am worried that things simply will not improve. This has happened several times before and I feel that DS has just been written off.

DH wants to have a meeting at the school and write to the governors. While I am all for this I just don't feel it will change things. She has taught for many years and is unlikely to change her methods now. I think she's just not good with kids that are struggling.

So what do I do. DS is happy enough at the school but over a yr behind his peers. He is constantly having his work rubbished in front of the other pupils and is obviously anxious about reading etc. Do I battle on where we are or move? If I move him I need to do it before DD starts - Do I appeal to the other school? I feel totally overwhelmed by all this. I'm not a confrontational type at the best of times but my dad died two weeks ago and to be honest I just feel like taking DS elsewhere. But then it seems I can't. Help!

DSs best friend is also struggling and facing similar problems. His mum said she would consider moving him too (the teacher tore up one of his drawings yesterday because it wasn't good enough) but he couldn't get in to the other school either. We know lots of other children at this other school which is why I'm thinking of it and it has a lovely atmosphere. The alternative is a much larger school further away where we don't know anybody and so I really don't feel that one is an option. What should I do? I've been in tears over it this afternoon.

As it is obviously upsetting you and risking turning your DS off learning can you put him into the new school for September and have your DD at the other school for now? Then put her name down for the new school as well to move as soon as a place is available? In most year groups at schools you will have children leaving or not taking up places - providing the waiting list isn't too long the different school situation may not be for that long.

Katherine
the other school that currently has no room in September: you may find that people drop out and a space becomes available. I think I would go and see them, speak to the head there about why you want to move, and ask if your dd could be put on the waiting list. You may find that an interview gives more opportunity to argue your case than a phone call to (?)a harried school secretary. What your ds's teacher has done is just unacceptable: no wonder you are upset.

this is appalling. He needs to move. Agree with others- move your ds and put your dd's name down on the waiting list. You will be able to get her in after KS1 anyway as class sizes can be bigger then.

I would go for moving him if at all possible - it doesnt sound like a nice school for your ds or dd and hopefully a place will come up for your daughter before sept. If not, how old will your dd be in sept - i.e. if only 4 would it matter if she didn't start straight away? (I think you do have a right to keep them at home if they are summer born until the term that they reach 5)

If this isnt practical will your ds be moving on to a new school after yr2 anyway? i.e.does the bad school stop at 7. If it does maybe you could ride it out for one more year?

It must be very upsetting for you - but I think it is worth trying to complain about the miserable old bag who claims to be a teacher. Maybe if your friend complained as well some action would be taken?

God Katherine
Any teacher who could tear up a childs drawing because it is not good enough is just a bully. I would get him out of there as fast as you can! Sort out the situation with your DD as soon as you can too, but deal with things one step at a time. Take the place for your DS while it is available and then as suggested by others start canvassing to get your dd transferred over asap.

In the circumstances you have outlined I wouldn't hesitate for a nanosecond!!

Don't know an awful lot about these things but shouldn't the school be offering your son some support if he is falling behind? Is it possible he has learning difficulties or maybe dyslexia?

Go and see the head of the new school you are interested in and get him to start after Easter. If DD is fine, sort her out later like Hulababy says.

IMO the woman shouldn't even be a teacher. I know everyone has their bad days but with this woman it sounds like every day is a bad day. If your ds really is having problems as she says, she should be doing something about helping him and not humiliating him. I would move ds to the other school and put dd's name down on the waiting list.

Is there any way that you could complain to the Governors or LEA about this woman?

Katherine , She sounds appalling and if I were faced with ds being treated in this way, with the propsect of at least another year of the same, I'd definitely be looking to move him. Any teacher who thinks it acceptable to demean their pupils at such a vulnerable age is in the wrong job and should not be a head. ds is in a similar position educationally in some repsects and, in your position, I'd do all I could to improve his opportunities and self esteem evenm if it necessitated moving shcool.

As Hulababy says, chances are another child will drop out of Reception at the other school before the year starts. If dd would be top of the waiting list (she'd be a sibling) then I'd go for that. Once you've resolved your issue for September still lodge a complaint with the governors - it may help someone else.

Good luck

totally agree with coppertop and jmg. I would also write to the governors tearing up his drawings is outrageous!!! So sorry for you all it must be terribly difficult at this time especially. wishing you luck with a good move for both children v v soon.

BTW- a friend of mine was in a similar situation. Moved schools and her son is thriving (and was taught to read very quickly).

As the teacher is the Head I think if you do complain (and I think you have valid reasons too completely) I think you will need to go above the normal route. So you need to write a letter of complaint to the school Governers and CC it to herself and to the LEA. Keep a copy too. And make sure you get a written response.

I am shocked and horrified at the thought of a teacher tearing up the drawing of a yr1 child. What dreadful behaviour to be modelling. I would definitely want to move him.

As an encouragement places to turn up at schools frequently. We were moving into a low-mobility area, and our first-choice school had a waiting list of 6 children within the catchment area for yr1, and we were told we had no chance of a place. But suddenly a number of people moved away, and on the last day of term we had a phone call to say there was a place available for him to start in September

Your son's school head sounds horrible, and the teacher downright cruel to tear up a piece of artwork in front of the class.

Agree with the others - move him asap and put your dd on the waiting list of the new school. So many children drop out, that places do become avaible. I have had this happen with my sons twice in 4 years. Also, will the sibling rule apply? if your son is at the school already, won't that give your daughter a greater chance of a place in reception come September.

Definitely copy al correnspondenc in t o t he chair of govs and the head of education in your county

Thank-you all for your support. I've been talking this over with some other mums this evening and they all agree about moving. Unfortunatley DH is less keen. He is concerned about DS loosing two very good friends (DS says he wants to marry them ) . I have to agree that I am really worried about this side of it. apart from this teacher he is generally happy at the school. In some ways it would be easier to move him if he was miserable.

Both schools are very small which is why I chose this one and would consider the other. The intake is 10 for DDs yr and there is already one other child appealing. I'm just very daunted that this is such a big descision. What if DS gets really upset at leaving his friends. But the more I think about the way he is being taught the less happy I am. I spoke to a teacher from his nursery tonight and she was shocked he would even be considered behind as she always found him very imaginative and did well. Makes me wonder even more if his performance is related to the methods used. This side of being a mum is really horrible

...oh and yes its a primary school not an infant school so he will (?) be there till he's 11.

Katherine, I am absolutely appalled by this! My ds was behind with his reading until yr 4, but received nothing but encouragement and support from his teachers, which is exactly as it should be. In yr 4 he suddenly improved and from being a year behind he is now a year ahead in terms of reading ability.

I can totally understand your reluctance to move him, but at that age children generally adjust very quickly and make new friends. I'd have severe reservations about sending my children to a school which was capable of displaying such a disgraceful attitude to the children.

Hugs to you and your ds X

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Katherine, most kids survive leaving their friends behind much more easily than adults expect when they're only young. it's quite possible that in 12 months your son's friendship with these 2 kids will have waned by itself. As others have said it's not impossible for him to keep in contact with them and perhaps there will be a beavers group or something they will all end up at if you're in a village?

My bro is 8 and has suffered horribly at the hands of teacher very similar to the one you describe. He fell behind because he lost all confidence in his reading/writing, to the point where he wouldn't even try. She completely failed to notice that there was a straightforward cause to his probs which is now being addressed in a supportive environment. The new school is actually much bigger than his previous small school but the class teachers are much more on the ball. I think one of the down sides of very small schools is that kids can suffer when the head is also a classteacher because the teacher cannot always pay the same attention to their progress as they could if they had a single role. The evil teacher (deputy head)retired a year later, the school had been unwilling to address repeated complaints from numerous families because they knew she would be leaving. Didn't help the kids though

Katherine, I'm so sorry to hear the head is still causing you such appalling problems. I agree with everyone else here... I think you need to move him, putting dd on the waiting list if necessary. I definitely think it is also worth making a strong case to the head of the new school about the circumstances behind the move. And, I would mention the recent death of your father - it might help her consider your request more favourably.
Robin is right - the younger they move, the less disruptive it is in the long term. I'm sorry it might mean leaving close friends behind, but it's not as though anyone is leaving the area permanently...he can still see them for playdates and in the holidays. Ds still socialises more with non-school friends than with people he sees every day and I think it can be a helpful counterbalance to intense, competitive school friendships.
The woman is a disgrace. And from your description of the school, it is too small for her malign influence to be mitigated by other teachers. By the way, what do they think of her? How many of them are there? Does she have a problem retaining staff?
You really don't need this right now. [Hugs]]

Agree, agree, agree with all the others who say to move your child. Even when your ds is no longer in this teacher's class she will still be the head. Therefore she will still be a problem to you. Best of luck, the worst bit is making the decision (I know from personal experience).

I feel sick to my stomach about all this. DH is v. reluctant to move schools due to the upheavel for DS. Says that DS says this teacher is his favourite (well she's his only teacher!) and worried about him settling with new friends. He wants to speak to the school and see if there is an alternative. Have just made an appontment but she can't see us till next Tuesday.

I am scared stiff of DSs reaction if I take him out but feel its the right thing to do. If only the other school could take both of them I think I would already have done it but obviously I need to let DH have his say too. Why does it have to be so hard....

oh Katherine, you poor thing.
Wouldn't worry about your DS saying this teacher is his favourite in the circs. he's not known anything else has he? Do you really think talking to her is going to make a jot of difference? I thought you'd tried this already, or am i confused?

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Katherine, sorry you feel so bad (and grieving for your Dad too) but this problem is solvable. If you are happy with what the teacher/head says next Tuesday you can leave ds there (remembering that you can move him anytime - it's not a now or never situation). I am a little concerned that you are not being given a meeting immediately however, why is she keeping you waiting till next Tuesday for an appointment? If you are not happy with the outcome of the meeting, then you already have another option. Again, wishing you all the best.