Thinking of changing schools

[Katherine]

I've posted here before about problems with the teacher at DSs school but things are really getting to me now. This morning she (she is also the head) cornered me and went on again about how DS is making no progress, can't spell, read or string a sentence together and even implied he has a speach problem. This was in front of DS and the rest of his class. I'm not worried about his performance (well I am but not in the same way - I don't mind if he's not a high flyer) - but I feel his confidence is being undermined and I'm worried that it will put him of learning for good. He "performs" better at home and I just feel he is being treated the wrong way at school. DD will start at the school in Sept - she will be reception, he yr 2 but that means they'll be in the same class. She is very quick to learn and I'm concerned that she might even catch up with DS and that the teacher might use this against him.

I was so upset when I left that I phoned another school I like but although they could possibly take DS they have no room for DD in Sept and obviously I want them together. I don't really want to uproot him anyway but am worried that things simply will not improve. This has happened several times before and I feel that DS has just been written off.

DH wants to have a meeting at the school and write to the governors. While I am all for this I just don't feel it will change things. She has taught for many years and is unlikely to change her methods now. I think she's just not good with kids that are struggling.

So what do I do. DS is happy enough at the school but over a yr behind his peers. He is constantly having his work rubbished in front of the other pupils and is obviously anxious about reading etc. Do I battle on where we are or move? If I move him I need to do it before DD starts - Do I appeal to the other school? I feel totally overwhelmed by all this. I'm not a confrontational type at the best of times but my dad died two weeks ago and to be honest I just feel like taking DS elsewhere. But then it seems I can't. Help!

DSs best friend is also struggling and facing similar problems. His mum said she would consider moving him too (the teacher tore up one of his drawings yesterday because it wasn't good enough) but he couldn't get in to the other school either. We know lots of other children at this other school which is why I'm thinking of it and it has a lovely atmosphere. The alternative is a much larger school further away where we don't know anybody and so I really don't feel that one is an option. What should I do? I've been in tears over it this afternoon.

katherine, how is it going at ds`s school? any progress?

yesterday was quite positive really. I cornered the head and said that I had been researching dyslexia and although at first I had been worried that DH was worried because of his own history, having looked into it, I was now convinced DS had dyslexia and that I wanted him assessed. She commented that they can't assess them until they are 7 because they have to be 2yrs behind their reading age. I said that I had already spoken to the lady at special needs and she had said that wasn't true anymore and they prefer to assess them as early as possible. For the first time ever I felt like she was listening to me and she promised to contact the pros and get them to look into it. So I'm just waiting to see what happens now. But at last I feel she is doing things the right way. I may still move him at some point but at the mo I'm feeling much better. Thanks for asking

Hope this marks a turning point in the head's attitude. You are giving things a chance at least. I still think it would be a good idea to keep a diary of conversations and actions just in case things turn sour.

Katherine - really great to read your post, and (for once) hear something positive reported about your meeting with the head. I'm very pleased you felt she was listening to you, and hope things start to improve from now on.

Thanks guys. I'd still really PREFER him to be in another school where I actually approve of the way the head handles things but DH is still against it so I need to make the best of things. At least for the time-being.

Spoke to the lady from Parenting Partnership last night and she offered to speak to the head for me too. I decided to give her a little time to act on what I've said and have also put all my reasons for suspecting dyslexia in writing and given that to her. I need to give her some time to respond but if I don't hear something next week I'll get the PP lady to call her. Might still things up a bit.

Other people have suggested private assessment. Am really tempted although money is very tight. But I feel that every day spent at school without specialist instruction is a waste of time as most of it will go over his head. DS was really cross with me last night. He'd been to a special Beavers event and got home at bedtime so there wasn't time to do word cards together. So he is still enthusiastic but just seems happier working at home (!) - and yes I put that in the letter too

Just had a really positive meeting with school. They had done an IEP for this term and wanted to go through it with me. They feel his maths is up to standard now so no worries with that although they have asked up to practice bits with him.

She went through the IEP so I understood it all and could work with them.

The have put him on their special needs register so they can give him special attention and have assisgned the classroom assistant to work with him on his IEP stuff for 15 mins every day.

I have been doing toe by toe (a very structured reading scheme) with DS and feel he is really benefiting already. I thought she might disapprove but she was very enthusiastic about toe by toe and said they have used it before with children.

I felt like she was making a real effort to keep me informed and to include us. They also seem to be really making an effort with DS.

I said I was plannning to do teacher training and that I would like to get some classroom experience and she's happy for me to come into school each Wed afternoon but said they would be doing science and RE and felt it would look better on my CV if I did mornings as that is Maths and English so we've agree that. Bit nervous but it also means I will get to see how he does in the classroom.

There are still some things that bother me. Like he complained ysterday that he was the only one who didn't do a picture and I asked if they had to do the writing first - yes so he didn't have time to draw afterwards because he's slow. SO I'm suggesting he bring his book home to finish the drawing at home if he wants too.

At least I feel they are working with us and taking DS serously now. Its such a huge relief Just shows how important it is to communicate

Wow Katherine sounds like a major turnaround! I hope that things continue to improve and that you enjoy the classroom experience.

Katherine,

That sounds so positive compared to previous posts . I really hope it works out.

re the picture/writing . ds often has this problem. He has difficulties with writing and is easily distractable which means he doesn't always focus well on the task in hand. Having had a conversation with his teacher on the Friday when she and the assistant both stated that they had no need for a one-to-one for ds for writing and maths he came home upset on the Monday because he had only written 2 letters in his weekly journal. I suggested to his teacher that he be given the option to bring home to complete, which he did, but can't help but worry that he didn't get enough individual attention in class to maintain his focus. I think it is really important that they learn to follow things through to a conclusion.

Good luck

Katherine - just wanted to say how delighted I was to read your post ... loads of positive stuff in there. Can't believe they hadn't done him an IEP way before now, but at least they seem to be heading in the right direction at last.

Well done you for getting them moving!

katherine, glad things have improved for your son, hopefully this will continue.
all the best.