good state or excellent private?

[nothercules]

cant post lentghy as using onsceen keyboard

if you could afford it would you send kids privately to excellent schools or to good state?

oh god yes bloss and because we wouldn't decide to spend extra cash on private schools we're all terrible parents who never consider the needs of our children

if I had extra cash I would spend it all on booze and let my kids live in a pit

oh I know she didn't but it got my back up

'my child comes first!' - my children do come first, of course they do. And because I think that state education should be supported, I believe that it is the best thing for my child, not just other people's children who don't have the money. In my opinion it is not a second class education.

the question was, would you send your child to a private school if you could afford it and the question is no, because if I had that money I wouldn't necessarily think that the best thing to spend it on would be a private education. I've seen nothing to demonstrate to me that, by the age of say 30, that would be the best use of that amount of money.

I meant 'the answer is no'

I think the best thing for my children would be to grow up in a society with little social division and every child having the same chance of a decent education. So I don't see it as ignoring my children's needs or sacrificing them to my principles if I send them to an OK or only mediocre state school rather than a private school. I don't want them to benefit at other children's expense, and I don't want them to live in a world where that happens. OK so that does happen and we can't change it single handedly but I don't mind trying.

We could afford private schools if we wanted. Or to move to an area with the "top" state schools. My dds are going to schools which I think are very good but other parents consider not good enough and send their children to private schools instead.

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sorry bloss it was the 'my child comes first!' part of your response that got my back up, not my assumptions about what you were saying. It implied - whether you meant it to or not - that people who made the decision based on principle put their principle first, not their children

the OP did specify 'if you could afford it' - my point was that I wouldn't even if I could, because I would choose to spend the money on other things. Other things which I believe would be my way of putting my child first. My child goes to a good school but even if a fantastic private school opened on the other end of the road and I had the extra cash, that's not what I would choose to spend it on. There are other things in her future that are more important.

I completely agree with what fennel has posted. I also believe that the state system is largely fantastic, full of well trained teachers and good practice, and a lot of the displeasure with it is fanned by a London-centric media banging on about the inner cities

for me, and for thousands of other people, private education would mean shipping my children off to a school a few miles away, so she didn't know her neighbours or be able to call on them at weekends as she grew up, in order to mix with a small social grouping at her private school

which is not the best education for her imo

I am having similar thoughts atm

Our local primary schools are very good, there are lots of average private schools around and one very good one. Not bothering with the average but I have put dd down for the good one, if she gets in I will then have to decide.

Part of it for me is not knowing what she will experience as I have never been to a state school (other than sixth form). My instinct says go with the state school, but the class sized are huge compared to private. Also dd is bright but not really good at putting herself forward in group situations which make me think she may just get lost in a class of 30.

It is a hard decision. We can easily afford the private school so that is not an issue, it is purely a question of what is most suitable for her.

Maybe she won't get in then I won't have the dilemma!

Oh and the other reason I would prefer state is that is is more local, the private school is a couple of miles away, the state we can walk to in 10 mins

you have to ask how they manage the teaching

class sizes aren't necessarily the only indicator cos at primary level they don't start off in rows looking at the blackboard

dd is in a large reception class but she often works in smaller groups with teaching assistants and I've never felt that she's 'got lost'

Choose the school which will best fit your child (and his/her siblings). Posters have listed lots of factors that may affect that choice from academic expectations and class sizes through to having local friends. How each of those factors will affect your child and so your choice, only you can know.

We had exactly this same decision - good state primary or excellent private prep school and we chose the private school, because we thought it a better fit for DD1 and would give us more options at secondary level.

You may of course be like me and continue to wonder, a whole year after making that choice, if you made the right one!

Sorry, that post was directed at nothercules not at CD who has raised the obvious dilemma: I'm not sure which school will best fit my child.

CD - do you know anyone with children at the local state school? Or the private one? Personal opinions/experiences from people whose opinions you respect count for alot IMO. Also, try to go by both schools at either drop off/pick up time and observe what it's like. You may have a gut reaction that guides you.

And Issymum, I know just what you mean about wondering if you've made the right choice. Dd loves her school, and is doing well, but I frequently wonder if I should be looking toward moving her at 7 to a different sort of school.

I chose good state for Primary - but reserve the right to go private if I think it would be better for my children

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I agree with most of what you are saying bloss, but it's impossible to be unspecific about reasons. Otherwise how would we be able to talk about it?

And though I agree with and applaud fennel's post, my choice would not be based solely on a long-term social goal. In the shorter term, I think it's important for a child to be part of a vibrant and diverse local community for the good of their self-esteem. quality of life, and sensitivity and understanding of the world and people in it.

A school is only a microcosm I know but to start narrowing down the people your children come into contact with at such an early stage sits uncomfortably with me. I know parents in my area who have chosen a different state school in the town because it has a higher ethnic mix and they wanted their children to be more aware of the multi-ethnicity of our society, and I support them in that decision.

and my other point is financial and it has to be. All other things can never be equal, because that's a massive amount of money to have to make a decision about. I don't see why private education is the be-all and end-all of choice for children. If I had the money I would put it towards something else; as I've said, towards a university education, or towards a house deposit, or all those other things that I found easier than my children will because of the changes in further education funding and the housing market we've seen over the last 10 years which I fear will make things impossible for the next generation.

Sending my kids to private school won't make it any easier for them to pay for their university place or buy a house, but having a little money left for those things would leave them able to choose a career based on what they wanted to do rather than what would pay for them to buy themselves out of a potential financial mess.

I do know from my marketing experience that when you give things for free, they are perceived to have less value, and I do wonder sometimes if there is a boost in the perception of quality when parents are paying for their child's education. But I have nothing to back that up.

It would depend so much on the kid and the schools in question.
if its primary I'd go for the good state school, if you're talking 11yrs+ i'd go for the private option.

But then i'm influenced by the schools I know and that fact that I think boys lose out in alot of state secondary schools.

oh and btw, someone said about parents doing the 'state , of course but i have a good state school'
My parents had 'political principles' which invovled putting the political above the personal. Therefore I was sent to the local crappy state school, i was horribly miserable, my grades dropped, I became anorexic and ran away from school fairly frequently. In 5 years I went from a bright happy 11 yr old with a good social circle and top of the class to a miserable withdrawn chronic truant struggling to get grade C in some GCSE's.
I begged them every year after the first year to send me either to the state school about 10 miles away (very good and I had friends there via music classes) or to send me private - they refused because of their political principles.
So yes it does happen and it is CRAP!

my brother on the other hand was fine at the same school excepting his academic acheivement dropped through the floor as well.

Moral of the story? do what suits your child, and remember that not each child in the same family will suit the same school.

would this be for one child or all three?

Not quite as simple as that, though, dino. Having spent 6 years banging my head against the wall trying to work out why dd1 (bright, motivated, naturally academic and very focussed) was permanently at loggerheads with her primary school, I've concluded that every school has an unwritten mission statement as well as the written one, and if your child's face doesn't fit, things are unlikely to just get better of their own accord.

I now think the thing that matters above all else is that you like the head. Not just think, 'he/she is a good manager' or 'the school gets good results so he/she must be doing something right', but that you find him/her personally 'simpatico'. That way if things do start going off the rails you might be in with a fighting chance of actually sorting the problem out rather than endless years of being fobbed off with whatever the school thinks it will take to get you out of their hair.

Just a thought.

Parp indeed.

Btw the head of my children's school never misses a chance to make a snippy comment about the head of your children's school, so he clearly knows he's outclassed.