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Original poster

good state or excellent private?

78 replies

nothercules · 14/07/2006 23:30

cant post lentghy as using onsceen keyboard

if you could afford it would you send kids privately to excellent schools or to good state?

OP posts:
niceglasses · 15/07/2006 12:16

Good state for me. Not meaning to be controversial either but can't get my head round private ed.

sandradee · 15/07/2006 12:22

One of the cases for private school (I think is as follows):

If you have a smart child, you are fairly big on discipline and making them do their homework, encourage them to be interested in learning and enjoy finding out about things then a good state school would probably be fine. They will be clever enough with the right amount of encouragingment at home to do well.

If you have a child that is not so smart but has other talents such as is good at sport or generally is not so academic then private is better. they will get more attention in a private school and will be encouraged (if you choose the right school) to flourish and gain confidence in their own abilities.

That is is one of my theories about the benefits of private school.

However, if you are highly academic then yes you will probably do even better if yu went to an excellent private school.

What is so good about most private schools is that they focus on sport as well which many of the state schoold don't - lets face it they have sold much of their land off for money.

arfishymeau · 15/07/2006 13:00

I would choose private but only because of my experience of both state and private schools.

My state school didn't give me anything, no encouragement or 'oomph'. I was top at everything effortlessly. When I went to my private school I was bottom of everything. I had to really try to keep up.

There were so many opportunities there, so many parents with amazing jobs and encouraging attitudes.

I think this is very particular to my situation though - I think my state school was pretty bad tbh.

arfishymeau · 15/07/2006 13:01

Oh, and plus I'm planning to send DD to a private school because I can match the school to her - if she's sporty we can go sporty and if she's academic we can go that way. I have the flexibility that I don't think the state sector offers.

shoppingsecret · 15/07/2006 13:10

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Gobbledigook · 15/07/2006 13:22

There is some spectacular spelling from some of the private 'graduates' I notice.

shoppingsecret · 15/07/2006 13:25

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Gobbledigook · 15/07/2006 13:27

Sorry, that was a bit out of order.

I should parp on these threads - they wind me up.

I just feel there is no point anyone saying 'I went to this sort of school and this is what it did for me' because that doesn't mean it will do the same for nh's child. You just can't generalise that all state schools will lead to outcome A and private schools lead to outcome B. Many of the things you get at private school you can get outside of state school anyway so going to state school doesn't mean you don't get access to x, y and z activity.

I honestly think only you can decide the answer to this question, nh, by knowing your own child as you do and looking at how your specific schooling options will suit him.

Sorry again for snidey remark.

Blandmum · 15/07/2006 13:28

I can't spell either, and I was a comprehensive graduate!

Curse of the 60s and 70s often, when children were told 'not to worry' about spelling or grammer or times tables.

I have 3 children in a year 7 class with reading ages of 6....all products of the state sector. Silly to highlight the deficiencies of individuals in this discussion. An n of 1 or two proves nothing.

sandradee · 15/07/2006 13:50

Gobbledigook I agree with you. It is all about the child.

There are pros and cons for every type of school from the top public schools to the small local ones.

I sometimes feel my dad wasted his money sending me to one of the top public schools because I have not exactly done very well professionally (I have good job but I'm hardly earning shitloads of money and doing brilliantly)

In a way I feel that I have let him down (not that he ever expected anything of me - the pressure comes from me). That pressure to perform came from the school I went to - I was very bright but not very good in a businessy social way. I know people who never had the education I had who are streets ahead in their lives now.

Wht it did teach me is to stand on my own two feet and take shit from noone

mousiemousie · 15/07/2006 14:10

match the kid to the school, that is the answer

motherinferior · 15/07/2006 14:14

I have to say I'd opt for state and then if I wasn't entirely happy I'd think about private. But then I am both tight-fisted and a liberalpinko type. With a good state option locally.

Harold · 15/07/2006 14:26

I agree with mousiemousie definately choose a school which would suit the personality/interests and skills of the child best.

firestorm · 16/07/2006 20:06

if money was no object id go for the private school every time.
good luck with your decision nothercules.

Cappucino · 16/07/2006 20:32

state, no question

just out of principle really; abandoning the state school system means a 'brain drain' of parents and children leading to crapper schooling for kids who don't have a choice

dd's primary school, like mine was, is a good primary school which takes children both from a middle-class area and a council estate. I think it's important for children to mix with as diverse a range of people while they are making their mind up about the world

I did have quite a few friends at private school when I was in high school and they were clueless and dismissive of anyone they felt to be financially and socially below them

(though obviously everyone on MN is highly well adjusted )

shoppingsecret · 16/07/2006 20:46

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hulababy · 16/07/2006 20:47

Depends on other factors for me. Local state is very good. Local prep is excellent. We have gone for the prep option - DD starts In September. Why?

The state school didn't have the same "feel" as the prep when we visited. We visited several schools (state and primary), narrowed it down to one state or one prep, and then we just got a certain vibe for the one we chose.

Also, it has a better after/before school option for us making our life easier on my work days. With the state school we needed to consider the use of a childminder and they are not easy to find round here.

The head teacher at te one we choose seemed soo much more welcoming that the state head teacher. She knew our names and DD's name as we entered the school and took the time to chat to us.

The state school on visiting did not acknowledge DD hardly at all. They just spoke to us about the school and pretty much forgot DD was there. The prep teachers spoke directly to DD at least as much as they did to us, probably more. They were genuinely interested in her and what she had to say.

DD's prep has a wide mix of children from different cultures/relgions.countries - more than the local state.

There is more emphasis on other, non-academic or enrichment subjects at our prep than the state. DD will do all manner of sports including ballet, she does French from Y1, etc. And there is an extensive after school activity/club list on offer.

We already have a good social thing going on in our local community with DD and she attends a dance school outside of school/nursery too. She is also interested in joining Brownies in the ciommunity when she is 5. Besides many of the children where we live go to other preps and other non-catchment states round here too.

Class size was a big thing too. DD will be in a class of 14, with a FT experienced class teacher AND a FT experienced teaching assistant.

We have gone for single sex. No reason for this, but most of the private schools here are single sex and the only mixed done I wasn't keen on. I don't for one minute think this will affect DD at all as she has friends on both genders outside of school. My mum went to single sex grammar school - she turned out just fine, LOL!

But you know what, still the main over riding factor in my choice was that vibe, that feeling that it was just the right place for DD. I am just so sure that she will be ahppy there and will fit in well. It feels like such a lovely school. And it was tht feeling I went for, and would have always gone with regardless of if the school was state or private. We were just lucky that we had that choice open to us - we had more choice to start with to make our decision from. I hope my "feeling" proves right. Time will tell.

shoppingsecret · 16/07/2006 20:47

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fennel · 16/07/2006 20:50

if we had endless money I'd still chose a mediocre state over a private school, but might consider a private school as a last resort if the child was really unhappy.

clearly living in a private ideological bubble here. ...

Cappucino · 16/07/2006 21:56

shopping secret I agree that no-one's saying that they send their child to a crap state school

but the OP wasn't asking would you send your child to a crap state school or a good private one

I agree that a child should have the best education and if it is purely that choice we are making, fair play. And I agree that if something feels more right that's often the best decision - at 16 I decided on a 3-hour daily commute to a sixth form college cos I didn't feel right about the local one and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

But for some parents paying for a school is as much about having a feeling of choice and control that as a society we have become used to associate with payment. I can pay, therefore I can choose. Private schools are going to be far better at marketing and customer care than state schools cos their livelihood depends on it, but those things don't necessarily mean good teaching.

If I had an extra £7,000 a year I'd be putting it into a pot to be honest so that they could afford to make the most of their future eg going to university without loans, as I did. Or to buy a house, which the way prices are going, none of our kids are going to be able to do.

Gobbledigook · 16/07/2006 21:58

I'm with you cappucino

expatinscotland · 16/07/2006 21:59

if i could afford it? i'd stay home and educate them myself.

SSSandy · 16/07/2006 22:01

If I liked the feel of both schools and could easily afford the private, I'd send dc to the private school. If you're disappointed in it, dc or you dislike the environment, you can always move to the state school which as you say is good.

Marina · 16/07/2006 22:08

We had near enough this choice nothercules. The state primary schools round where we live are mostly good and one is very good. We did not get a place for ds at the "very good" one.
We also applied for the nearest independent primary mainly because it is actually the closest to our house but also because we liked the atmosphere and ethos (academically inclusive, good SN provision, play-based early years, no SATs and no National Curriculum).
We chose it because we thought it was best for ds - nothing to do with social desirability or cachet. The families there are all pretty local and reflect our (not very diverse, frankly) suburban community. Which suits us fine. Ds goes to Beavers, Holiday Club, council sports activities and Sunday School locally and meets people in our immediate neighbourhood that way.
I would always look at your child's needs first. Ds adores school, both work and play. He is doing well. He is clearly stretched in a happy way, without being pushed. We just wanted that result.

bloss · 16/07/2006 22:46

Message withdrawn