8yr old dd been accused of stealing. She says she hasn't.

[sunnyweatherplease]

DD came home today very upset saying that her and her friend had to apologise to another girl for stealing her snacks from her bag.

I have checked dd's bag and there is no letter or anything. DD had after school club today so I did not see her teacher at pick-up.

DD said they went upstairs to fetch their jumpers, and when they came down, the teacher accused them of going upstairs to steal the snack.

I am furious and need to sleep on this. Would it be fair of me to question the teacher and ask what the evidence is?

DD has been talking about the 'snack stealer' and pondering who it could be for a few days now.

Please help me not make a hash of this.

Yes, it's a major accusation and definitely worth asking on what they have based the it. But do it in the spirit of genuine enquiry rather than when you're furious. Even normally honest children can make terrible mistakes.

How very odd. I'm not sure how I'd handle that. It would bother me though. I think I'd be tempted to have a word with the teacher. But get rid of your anger first and word it in a way to suggest that dd was upset to have to apologise for something she didn't do.

You are perfectly within your rights to go in and ask to speak to the teacher. Find out what happened. Ask how they determined that your DD was to blame.
As long as you keep it calm but stick to your guns you should get to the bottom of it.
Just remember at the moment you're only going on what an 8 year has told you. I know she is your daughter so presumably you believe in her but sometimes kids don't always get all the facts straight!

Of course I don't think she did it as she is my dd. I am prepared to be proven wrong though, and thats fair enough. I can only imagine they must have proof though to make the girls apologise to the victim.

My 8 year old has a tendency to drip feed information over a few days. But I very much doubt she'd steal another person's snack from their bag. That's quite an unusual thing to do. I can't imagine any of her friends doing that either. I would definitely want to know what's gone on here.

I would go in and listen carefully. Until recently I would have said my DD would not have done anything like this. However, she has stolen food at home and even though there is only me and her she denies that she took the food. This happens repeatably. I have pointed out to her that if the food is gone and I didn't eat it there is only one other option. Still she says it wasn't her.
At the moment I don't think she would steal from anyone apart from me, but I have an open mind on this.

Stealing snacks is something that does happen in schools.
I remember it happening when I was at school, it happened to my dd1 too.

The thing is it usually takes a few times to be certain it has been taken. The first time it isn't there they come home and say "mum, you forgot to give me a snack." And you think "oops. Thought I had." This can actually happen several times unless it's every day before a day comes when you think "no I really did put it in", and then you think "oh, it's probably happened then, and then..."

In my case I stopped putting it in the small outer pocket, and put it in the bottom of the main bag. That worked. It wasn't even a particularly nice snack

I think it would be reasonable to ask the teacher for evidence. But you do need to be aware that your dd, or the other child was caught. I would be surprised that they were asked to apologise if there was no evidence, nor admittance.

Actually thinking about it.
If they weren't caught stealing then it would be bad to make them apologise.
BUT
If they were caught stealing (and it's obviously hppened before) then just making them apologise sounds very lenient.

So something isn't adding up.
Maybe something along the lines of "someone has been stealing X's snack so no one is allowed to go upstairs. If they do they will have to apologise to X". And so the thing was they went upstairs when they had been told they weren't allowed rather than acused of stealing.

ok. I'm glad I slept on it. I very reasonably asked teacher this morning to explain to me what happened yesterday.
So, this is what the teacher said.......dd and her friend have been spreading rumours that x was the snack thief, and was told to apologise to x about that. 14 children including dd lined up and asked point blank if they had stolen the snacks - each said a firm "no". DD and friend asked another teacher what would happen to the thief when they're found, and so they are now suspects.

I need to talk again to dd and find out what she thinks she has been accused of.