Late Grammar School offer: over the moon but stressed/flummoxed

[PermaShattered]

What a 3 days we've had - any insightful comments welcome. In short:

1. Our daughter was offered 3rd choice (her 11+ score was about 30 down on passmark);
   
2. 3rd school is outstanding but we appealed to 2nd choice school as was our preference;
   
3. Last Friday took calls from our local Ed admissions authority saying why appealed when have offer from grammar school?
   
4. Said we hadn't. She made further calls to other relevant admissions authority and came back and told us we definitely have an offer and it would be in post next day (Saturday just gone);
   
5. It duly arrived, and we posted our acceptance same day (they should have got it today) - verbal acceptance of place given by phone on Friday;
   
6. On Friday the Authority also withdrew both our place at 3rd choice school and our appeal to 2nd choice school;
   
7. Today i take a call from a friend whose daughter got substantially higher score than my DD - and she is 188 on waiting list;
   
8. I call our admissions auth to check they received our acceptance (they said still in posttray but will be dealt with this afternoon);
   
9. I query whether there could possibly an error and i'm told categorically 'no'. And if there was, we have a written offer, accepted it and they can't take it off our daughter;
   

10. Finally, my other DS is that grammar school.

I'm perplexed. What could be a possible explanation?

[tiredaftertwo]

tiggy, yes - but all LAs have a responsibility not to make mistakes. Their mistake means as well as much distress and confusion for the OP and her dd, the home LA has to find her a place, assuming the place at the other school has been given to someone else.

I don't think I would put in writing that you have been told that the place is withdrawn until you have received that in writing - assuming the deadline falls when they put it in writing, not when they phone you?

Really good luck, again.

[TSSDNCOP]

I feel so for your DD. the grammar school part is irrelevant to her I expect, simply that she had a place at a school she really wanted to go to, and now she probably doesn't.

Seeker makes a very good point regarding her original place. Then it'll be a case of bigging up that school to the max. Are any of her friends going?

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

What a fiasco? Regardless of people's opinions of the right and wrongs, there is a DD in the middle of this hideous situation. I really wasn't expecting things to go this way. Good luck, OP

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

fiasco!

[tiredaftertwo]

Absolutely to fiasco, and to paper trail!

(I wasn't thinking of anything other than the truth, just to be clear, and never would. The last written information the OP received was an offer. Since then she has had a series of phone calls with contradictory information...... The date thing was what I meant - that it will be the date the letter is sent that counts and I assume from what people said below that the later that happens the better - apart from not knowing what on earth to do about school 2 in the meantime - what a terrible limbo to leave people in).

[NorthernLurker]

So exactly how many mistakes have they made here? I feel for you OP. Poor dd.

[Rainbowinthesky]

What if you hadn't been in when you had all these phone calls? I would not answer the phone for a week or so and don't leave your answer machine on. They sound highly disorganised and use this to your advantage.

[NigelMolesworth]

Perma I really feel for you and your DD. The LA sound a complete shambles. Stick to your guns.

[Rainbowinthesky]

I see, Tiggtape. Horrible situation.

[ghosteditor]

Just caught up with this thread - what a shambles shattered

Good luck to you and your DD.

For all of those who are questioning the ability of children close to the cut off point - I attended a grammar, and my parents had no idea if I'd pass the 11+ (I hadn't been in the top set at primary). I wasn't tutored.

I was ranked 100/140 of my intake based on the 11+ but by the time of my GCSEs and a-levels, I was ranked 1st, and had an Oxbridge offer. Having a low entry score isn't a guarantee of future difficulty! Dbro ended up 8th on the waiting list after coming down with chickenpox the day of the exam - but he would have had a nightmare at the school due to his personality.

(I'm never sure if my case is an argument before or against GC...)

[PermaShattered]

Thanks so much all :) I am concerned about my DD. She didn't get to sleep til at least 1.30 this am and refused to go to school this morning although i managed to coax her there in the end. Her school is aware of the situation. She looks so sad and not eating much. Hopefully tonight will be better. Needless to say, i didn't sleep much either.

And I had to collect my eldest from the school at 5pm today - that didn't do my DD's emotional state any good for obvious reasons :(

Anyway. I've read and appreciated ALL your comments and thoughts and here are my responses:

Seeker, I am definitely seeking specialist help - I have a contact through work who is a QC, and expert in education law. So i'm waiting to hear back from an email i sent him.

Her school place originally accepted has not been reinstated. Last night it was 'full'. But today Mr Admissions Director told me a place had come up and he advised me to accept it - not that this would jeopardise the current situation. When i said i wasn't happy doing that as she would then have TWO places, the penny then dropped ie Have they withdrawn the offer or NOT?! Hence the bizaarre conversation I reported earlier.

Tiggy Thanks for the advice and i'm going to email him a record of that conversation particularly the part re verbal withdrawal. Although strictly speaking he didn't - he simply conveyed the contents of the other LEA's letter. So i could be pedantic and say it wasn't even verbally withdrawn. I now await a withdrawal of the offer - but somehow i don't think it will appear tomorrow.

Paper trail etc. I'm keeping full records/recollections of conversations etc.

Yes, original appeal to 2nd choice reinstated but I've asked that local authority (yet another one can you believe) to delay the appeal which was due to be next Tuesday (day after BH) as it's too soon now on top of all this.

I STILL don't know the nature of the the 'middle' LEA's mistake was - I need to know.

Ghostwriter that's really interesting re knowing the actual results and something earlier posters on here ought to bear in mind. My other DD who took the 11+ two years ago - we didn't know her score and this is the first year they've actually published them (it's all to do, apparently, with Government figures) and it's creating problems such as this.

If this had happened two years ago there would be no discussion about her result/30marks different/ability etc.

Can't think of anything else to add save to say I've heard nothing else this afternoon. And apologies for any spelling/grammar mistakes! I'm bashing this out while i cook a special 'cheering up we love you' dinner for my DD x

[lougle]

Hang in there, OP. The place is your DD's - fair and square. You were offered the place, you checked there wasn't an error, you accepted the place.

Too late for the LA to retract.

Don't listen to anyone who says you should not take up your legal right to appeal, should the letter come. It's there for a reason.

As tiggytape says, your DD will be in a much worse position if you don't appeal than she would have been if the LA hadn't made the mistake in the first place, so you really have to.

[ghosteditor]

Your poor girl - it's a sucky situation and doubly horrible given that you were told very clearly that it wasn't a mistake.

Look after your daughter (cheer up dinner sounds fab) and try to reassure her that everyone knows she'll do really well wherever she ends up, but you know how worrying it must feel to have things changing all the time. Do you feel it's important to keep telling her the minutiae or can you tell her that you have accepted the GS place, that's the plan for now, and you'll report back in a week? (Would that help? I only have a toddler so not ready for this stuff!)

[musicalfamily]

what a truly ghastly situation. Not as traumatic, but we had a similar mess-up when we moved house and my DD was on the waiting list for a reception place. Sadly we were told the same day so had no grounds of appeal. But still an awful roller-coaster of emotions.

I hope you get it sorted out, it must be terribly unsettling for your DD...it's a bit of an obvious thing to say, but I am sure everything will turn out for the best long term, whatever the outcome. Hugs.

[PermaShattered]

Thanks for your encouragement :) We've had a lovely couple of hours and her smile returned for a while - thanks largely to the Walliams/Cowell antics on BGT watched on replay! But she has just said to me: "I keep feeling like i'm going to burst into tears. My friends kept talking about high school today and i don't know what to say." I could cry for her :(

I'm trying to protect her as much as possible: all she really knows is that there has been a mistake; her place is in jeopardy and we are fighting to keep it for her.

musical I know. She's v v unsettled. But we're reminding her of what we've said to her since last year: she will go to the school where God wants her to go to. And that school will be the best school for her :)

Night all, thanks for being there x

[DIddled]

Bless you both- really hoping it works out Xxx

[ghosteditor]

yes you could definitely just say that her mark was reconsidered! Hope when it comes to it other parents are tactful. To be fair, once she gets there (fx) it will be entirely on merit and the 11+ will mean nothing compared to how hard she works and how diligent she is.

[Rainbowinthesky]

Not sure why people are saying her dd won't cope. The op has a dd there already and knows the standards as well as knowing her dd. Not once had she inferred her dd wouldn't cope and we have to assume she knows her best. I agree though about keeping quiet about mark.

[DowntonTrout]

I have followed this with a horrified fascination.

A few years ago our little school closed down a year after DD2 had joined reception. I had got an idea that it might happen so I quietly put her on the waiting list at another school. We were first on the list.the school actually told me that they believed a child was leaving and that the place was almost certainly mine.

When news broke that our school was closing there was a mad scramble for places at other schools. My friend, who I had told my plans to, excitedly rang to say she had managed to get her DD into the same school as my DD as another place had come up. But I hadn't had a call. I waited all day then rang the school to ask what was happening. There had been a mistake and indeed, there was only one space and it was mine, not my friends. They duly called her and withdrew the place to give to me.

For those few hours I was sick with worry, afterwards I was terribly sad for my friend. Another place did come up in the end but they had accepted a place elsewhere, bought uniform etc and stuck with it. Our little girls had been best friends to that point and I had been on holiday with the mum. We aren't close anymore. I can't imagine what she went through, but reading this I can understand. She knows if she hadn't told me straight away, that the place would have remained hers and feels I took it from her.

Good luck to you and your DD OP. sometimes we have to fight for what is right for our children and I really hope you manage to retain that place for your DD. I guess it all hinges on when the withdrawal letter is deemed to apply, the date it was written or on your receipt of it. And whether any of that is in the 3 day period. Best wishes.