Education
The Times April 25, 2006
The move to a state school was too much to bear
When Shona Sibary and her husband could no longer afford to pay their daughter's school fees they told themselves that a state education would be fine. Then the alarm bells started ringing
It was my daughter’s first day at a new school. She was up at 4am, dressed herself in her uniform, and then sat grimly on the stairs with the look of a death row convict.
That night she’d wet her bed for the first time in four years. She had already spent every day of the holidays telling me that she wanted to stay at her small private junior school with just nine other girls in the class.
As I coaxed Florence into the car along with her younger sister, Annie, who was starting school for the first time and therefore in the happy position of having nothing to compare it with, I tried to pretend that this was what we wanted for them both all along. But being forced to switch schools because of mounting costs has been one of the toughest calls I’ve ever had to make. The bill for £2,800 a term was already a struggle, but when my husband was made redundant we had no choice. Did a seven-year-old really need five acres of parkland to play in at lunchtime? Or daily, individual reading? Or the opportunity to have piano and Spanish lessons? Of course not, if that meant having a permanent overdraft and struggling to put food on the table.
Still, we are lucky to live in an area in which the state schools have a good reputation. It’s a rural location an hour from London with a higher than average number of professional families. So we told ourselves that a local school would offer greater social diversity, and reasoned that the best start in life didn’t necessarily mean going private. If I had any niggling doubts, I hoped that once the girls started I would be impressed by what state education had to offer and kick myself for not having chosen that cheaper route earlier.
The alarm bells started ringing the first week of term. For starters, I was one of the only mothers in my daughter’s class who had a full-time job. Consequently, they were the only children in the school being picked up by an au pair. It was a surprise to discover that families like us — two parents juggling careers and an enormous mortgage — seemed to be thin on the playground.
Did this matter? It seemed to me that the private school we had just moved them from actually offered a wider social diversity than the state school. Where we live, there’s a strong sense that if you’ve got any money you scrape to afford private education.
Three weeks into term I was still having to drag my hysterical seven-year old to the school gate every morning. She wasn’t just feeling the effects of being a new girl but seemed to sense, despite my protestations, that things weren’t quite up to scratch. The classes of 30 children were “too squashy”. She couldn’t understand why, every time she finished an exercise at a desk, she then had to go and sit on the carpet. I tried to explain crowd control but she was having none of it. “This school isn’t better. Why have you sent me here?” One night she went to bed sobbing, “Mummy, they don’t even do mental maths.”
Much of her unhappiness stemmed from what she was not learning. At her previous school her work was set to her individual ability. Her teachers had time to monitor her work. Compare this with the state school: in a year group of 60 children a child receives extra help if they come in the bottom — or top — group of three. If their capabilities lie at the upper end of that middle 54 children it appeared that they were always working to a lowest common denominator because no matter how good the teacher is, with one classroom assistant helping it is not enough.
While Florence obviously couldn’t articulate this, we saw a shift in her attitude towards learning. It became something to be endured where once she had been bubbling with enthusiasm.
I found myself doing financial sums in the car every day to school. We could sell the house — we’ve already overstretched ourselves to buy with a mortgage we’re only just managing to pay, but with no endowments or long-term financial security these four walls are, my husband keeps pointing out, the only pension we’ve got. And if you’re downsizing to pay the fees for one child, what are you going to do to pay for the other two? Meanwhile, I would arrive at the school to see the other satisfied, happy parents dropping off their children and feel horribly guilty for thinking it wasn’t good enough.
But within six weeks I’d found a solution: I’d stop working in London, give up the au pair, and work from home; that meant a saving of £700 monthly, ie, the cost of one child’s school fees for a month. If we then rented out the au pair’s bedroom and let the cleaner go, that would just about cover both. Holidays, meals out and extracurricular activities for the children would also have to stop.
I was apprehensive about telling the headmistress of the state school that after just six weeks we were doing a U-turn. Some felt we weren’t giving it a proper go. But it felt so wrong that I didn’t see the point of sitting things out. Surprisingly, the headmistress agreed and was incredibly gracious. She said she understood our position and, given the circumstances, would probably do the same herself. We were welcomed back at the old school with open arms and, I may have imagined this, a tiny sense of “we told you so” from the headmistress.
Now, I’m ready to get up at 5am and wash the kitchen floor before work because what we’re trying to afford is a luxury and privilege. And I now know, without a doubt, it’s worth it.
How to make the change smoother
Moving schools can be a challenge for any child, says Margaret McAllister, an educational psychologist, and they may feel anxious in the first few days. But they usually adjust well — much depends on the parents. Tell your child as much as possible about his new school; take him to meet his teacher; ask if another child can show your child the ropes; express confidence in his ability to make the transition. It’s important your child does not pick up on your anxiety. Talk to the teacher if the child remains anxious.