So Eton, everything I expected and more

[JoanBias]

My DS is at a private school, so I have experience of private schooling, but my word Eton was like another world.

Not just the school, but the people there.

There was one prep school being shown around, all in tweed jackets, and to a boy the spitting image of Draco Malfoy (well there was one Chinese boy, but otherwise....).

One of the mothers doing the tour was not quite right in some respect, I'm not sure how but something wasn't wired up correctly or something. She was immacuately dressed, 6-inch heels (pretty daft considering the confirmation letter warns about having a long walk), but she was just bizarre. The admissions tutor said 'we have a waiting list of 80 boys and typically 35% of these will make it through', and she asked afterwards 'so 80% of the boys from the waiting list make it through?', and it was then explained again, but you could kind of hear the cogs going round and she clearly didn't get it. She had asked several other similar questions; e.g., it was explained that some Houses are catering and others go to a central cafeteria, so she then asked 'so they all eat in the cafeteria'? She pointed at the Fives Court and asked me 'what do they play here?' I said 'Fives' 'Is it squash?', she said. 'No, Eton Fives.' 'So is it squash?' It seemed as if this woman had had the benefit of the 'Finishing School for the Terminally Dim', because she was otherwise every inch the presentable upper middle-class wife.

Another family had a son who looked the prototypical pre-Etonian, and sure enough Daddy spent the tour braying on about his House when he had been there.

The facilities were extremely impressive, although they didn't bother to show us any of the academic parts, and basically the impression was 'if your son is incredibly pushy and self-motivated, send him here and we will teach him to be entitled'. They said 'every year we reject about a third of the highest performers on the test', essentially because they aren't pushy enough. (The House Mistresses seemed quite nice though.)

Fantastic training for future managing directors and whatever, but not for us.....

Well worth it to sign up for a tour, very illuminating. They take about 100 a day from what I can see, so obligation at all....

Joan, as I presume that you are researching Eton for your ASD child, I presume that you have made suitable enquiries about pastoral care and SEN provision?

Yes I enquired about that by telephone and they made lots of positive noises and said I could speak to someone about it on the Open Day and the GSG said things about them having led the way in SEN support and so on, so I was reassured by that.

However when I got there I felt that the environment was not suited to an (my) ASD child cf. a school where perhaps it's more contained, and also perhaps in view of some of the other boys there.

The housemistresses doing the tours seemed very nice, but at the end it was 15-20 minutes of this rather intimidating character telling us how rounded you needed to be, and then when we went to the tea + biscuits room there wasn't obviously anyone there whom I could ask questions such as 'how suited is this environment to an ASD child?' (there was no-one there at all I could see, apart from the boy in the nice jumper and the tea ladies).

I certainly wasn't about to follow up my question to the scary admissions man on how grade 3 piano and grade 3 violin would be just as acceptable as grade 6 violin, with 'so er, my son doesn't have grade 3 anything, and he has an ASD, what can you do for him', I just thought 'let's get out of here'. Especially after the scary admissions man said 'So boy, what do you think of the tour', and my DS responded with 'er, um', and didn't know what did you say.

I wasn't, btw, criticising the woman in the six-inch heels, I was just somewhat fascinated by her. E.g., the D&T man said 'So this project was done by our A Level students'. Heels: 'So would this have been done by the oldest children?' I would say that it's a great advert for an expensive education that she scrubbed up so well otherwise really.

lop = loop

When you say someone went to 'Finishing School for the Terminally Dim' then you really are taking the mickey out of her -- your intention and your effect may not be the same but it is the effect that everyone sees, and most people infer intention from effect.

Calling her 'Heels' is a case in point.

"There are remarks about the selection process for various different schools, the expressed desire to find the best, but nothing about what may be best for her particular child."

? Not at all, the whole point of this thread was to relay my observation:

• Eton is stereotyped as Bullingdon Boys
• I had read this was not true, and that perhaps my decidedly-non-Bullingdon son might feel at home
• I went there and found that I did not feel that he would, and that, whether it is the £31k/year fees filtering out whole swathes of IMO more 'normal' people that I've seen at say £13k/year schools, or the Eton reputation/history, a large number of people there pretty much conformed to the Eton stereotype, which is not something I looking for in a school for my son.

I tend to learn the following at each school we visit:

• might this school be suitable for my child?
• if not, then what does it do well, e.g., are the science laboratories fantastic, is the music department amazing, what sports do they offer?

The more schools you visit the easier it is to judge others, in terms of what they lack in comparison to say, Eton, in their range of sports offered, or another school in pastoral care, or whatever. That's true even if you have decided that that school is definitely not on your list.

I can obviously share what I've been told about selection processes for various schools, but in terms of what is the best school for my son, I'm afraid I'm still looking.....

I don't have any personal experience of Eton or any strong opinion about the place, but to me the OP just seems like a nasty sneery post making fun of some woman you took a dislike to for some reason. You might be more intelligent than she is, but you sound quite an unpleasant and shallow person.

joan.

what are you actually looking for with regard to support in school for your ds?

I mean, if you don't feel the school would be a good fit for your DS for whatever reason, then of course that's a perfectly reasonable judgement to make.

But mocking other people for their dress, appearance, social class or personality/intelligence? That's just childish, small-minded and nasty. I would have thought that with a child with disabilities you might see the value in being a little open-minded and accepting of others and their differences. Or does that only work one way?

"a large number of people there pretty much conformed to the Eton stereotype"

How many boys did you actually talk to on your tour?

OP. bitchiwst post of the week in my self run no prizes competition.

Over half of your words aimed at deriding other parents. How on earth do you know that the mother you are referring to diesn't have short term memory issues? Or was her choice of shoe enough to make you rule out the school.

Winchester is for the exceptionally bright. Eton is for bright confident all rounders. Both teach good manners and respect for others who are less fortunate than yourself. Perhaps you should consider the same....

Hasn't your prep recommended some senior schools? Especially as your ds is in year 6. We are supposed to talk to our HM in year 5 about senior school choices.

If the poor woman in heels didn't know what Eton Fives is, then how come you assume she had a colossally expensive education, herself? I would have thought that someone born to send their children to Eton would at least know that, so maybe you just failed to see beyond the clothes and the accent (neither of which were necessarily the way she normally comes across)... As for whether Eton would be any good for a child on the autistic spectrum, however, I agree, from what you describe, that Eton does not sound at all like a school which welcomes people of all sorts. But then you yourself are not looking for a school which welcomes all sorts, you just don't think that Eton's particular form of exclusivity meets your child's needs - to go further and imply their idea of exclusivity is wrong and pathetic and yours perfectly acceptable is a bit OTT, imo. You just don't like being on the receiving end of the exclusion part of exclusivity and felt like your child probably would be excluded from that environment (imo).

I don't know what Eton Fives is without looking it up. I put that down to my poor state grammar education. I'm hoping for better for ds. All I want his for him to play Eton Fives, duck duck goose and to be happy.

Fernando (& maybe a few others) - you are obviously saints.
"For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn??; Jane Austin

It seems from your OP that you learned that one woman dressed inappropriately and had trouble following the tour, details about the personal style of the admissions tutor, and that Eton boys are pretty Bullingdon wannabes. If your intention in visiting Eton was to find out whether it was a suitable school for your DS who has a SEN, that certainly didn't come across in your OP or many of your subsequent posts.

If your DS has a SEN then why would you ask questions not at all related to SEN of the bow tie and hair man:
'We spoke to the Admissions Tutor after that, a man with a shock of professorial hair and a bow tie, and asked what he meant by rejecting the top scorers on the test and what was expected, and whether they wanted depth or breadth and he said 'well if a boy had a grade 6 in violin we'd accept that, but if he had a grade 3 in violin and a grade 3 in piano we'd take that too'.

And if you asked SEN related questions, then why not mention that in your OP and omit details about the unfortunate object of your derision (aka 'Heels') and the sartorial style of the admissions tutor?

perhaps you may want to look at inderpendant specialist schools, but the fees are about twice what eton charges.

If you don't think the school is for your ds, anyway, then I don't see why you were scared off asking direct, open questions about the way Eton deals with SEN when you were given the opportunity. It would have been no skin off your nose to put them on the spot if you weren't desperate for a place for your child, and it's not as if they didn't approach you directly to ask whether you had any particular questions in mind... no need to be put off by someone in a woollen jumper! Or an admissions tutor who doesn't understand where your question about breadth versus depth is coming from. You might have got more enjoyment out of turning them into frightened rabbits in the headlights... or even been pleasantly surprised by their answers.... but now you'll never know. No great loss on either side, though, I suspect.

Cheer up everyone:
www.guardian.co.uk/education/video/2012/oct/18/gangnam-style-parody-eton-style-video

That is quite funny .

There is no Eton stereotype. That's the whole point of Eton!

Really, Colleger? Isn't it you who thinks school completely stiflesindividuality and clips children's wings?

I think the OP was referring to parental stereotypes not pupils.

this well there was one Chinese boy, but otherwise....) you are a racist twat it would appear !

Could you explain how that is racist topknob?

Colleger, I'm pretty sure there is an Eton stereotype. Stereotypes are not always true of course.

I do find it a bit odd that you're getting such a hard time here, OP. I've certainly come across people who are a bit "lights on but nobody home", like this woman appears to have been. So have lots of people here, I'm sure. Half of AIBU would cease to exist if people didn't notice and comment on such things.

How odd. Is this some sort of stealth boast thread? I couldn't tell through all the layers of snark, condescension and chip-on-shoulder-carrying.

Good God, someone at an open day approached you when you were looking a bit lost and politely asked if you had any questions? The bastards! Where do they get off with their entitlement?!

Here is a to have with your Eton Mess.